I haven't posted in a while, but I still read the forums almost daily.
I just need to vent a little, I guess...
Since last January, I have been extremely diligent with my workouts and diet. I recently had minor surgery at the end of September, which had to curtail my workouts for about 3 weeks. Fine, no biggie.
It was more psychological... I have been going like a freight train since January, with no reprieve, and I guess the complete stoppage of workouts mixed with having to change my high protein diet due to the nature of my surgery, left me a little lost.
I hit my lowest weight of 112lbs before surgery. I hover these days around 114. I am NOT HAPPY.
My promise to myself was that I'm always allowed to stall in weight, but not gain. These 2 pounds seem to be sticking, and although I am back to 5 days a week of running, I still haven't been able to strength train like I used to.
I am panicking daily. My body doesn't feel the same.
My stomach seems to have become "pudgier". It's not as lean as it was before, so I guess my body is already changing due to lack of exercise/weight training. I feel like I'm losing this fight, and I'm only up 2 lbs.
My eating has not been as clean as it was. This has all become so....insidious. My mind is starting to play these little tricks with me, that maybe this is as far in the journey as I get to. That mediocre is all I can achieve. I can't let this thinking win!!!
I'm so sorry...I know this all sounds so melodramatic, never mind depressing as ****. I haven't been talking to anyone I know about this. I internalize when I panic. And I am panicking.
Okay, I need to get back on that iron horse. Get immediately back to 112, and then reach 110lbs by New Years Eve (personal goal of mine). This is NOT IMPOSSIBLE. This can happen, and I cannot let my fear psyche myself out.
I accepted in January that if I work hard, that I can achieve anything. And I am amazingly proud of what I've accomplished this year. But there is no slipping. That CANNOT happen. Only forwards. Only stalls. But never backwards.
Come on girl, you are better than this. You can do this... Get it DONE. NOW.
Don't panic ! It is all going to be fine. Give yourself time. I understand as I have stats similar to yours. When we are as short as we are 2 pounds seems like a lot and to us it is.You will be able to overcome this, you have done it before and will be able to do it again. Good luck !
Don't panic and give yourself a break. Surgery, no matter how major or minor really affects your moods and body. Add into that your not getting the same type of exercise and diet, its a lot for your body to handle.
Hang in there, get tough, you can do it! You have accomplished so much already and you WILL meet your goals.
Please try not to panic. Surgery, no matter how minor, is an assault on your body and it takes time for your body to completely recover from it. I don't know what kind of surgery you had but if it was abdominal, you may still be bloating a bit from it. I know when I had abdominal surgery it took months for the "bloating/swelling" to completely go away. This was NOT actual weight gain - it was swelling from the 'injury' of the surgery. Add to that a change in diet and a change in exercise levels and your weight loss journey is going to change a bit but that doesn't mean that the change is necessarily 'bad'. It just means that you've got to be a bit more patient and kind to yourself while you recover and refocus.
I wish I could crawl inside your head and understand. I'm looking at what you have accomplished and wondering how you could possibly feel like two pounds, four over your goal, is mediocre! Lordie, lady, you are awesome, and I'm sure you are far more beautiful than you feel! I can't top the advice already given to you about healing and surgery. Inflammation is a beast. I'm sure you know all about that. Give yourself credit and time, you'll get there!
But there is no slipping. That CANNOT happen. Only forwards. Only stalls. But never backwards.
I can't remember where the study is right now, though it was quoted in Thin for Life if that's any help, but apparently research has shown that people with the most rigid diet/exercise plans are the ones least likely to succeed at losing weight and keeping it off. You need flexibility, and you need to be able to cope with the odd setback without its making you distressed or throwing you off your plan. I'm sure you can put all that excellent determination to good use, you just need to adjust a bit.
I'm so damn scared these days...
