[Moondance]

Originally Posted by Princess Squish

But it seems so rude of me to bring my own food when it's a dinner invitation that brings us together, and that's what I meant by 'defeating the purpose'. Because to me, THAT is rude. But if I'm not rude, I'm failing myself. It may only be for one day, but from past experience, that one day CAN make me or break me. And often times, it wins, and then I'm struggling to get back on track.

If you had discovered a food allergy after you left home (say...wheat) and you went to your mother's house for dinner, and she prepared a variety of food with wheat, because that's what they eat, would you eat it because it's rude not to? Some would say it's rude of your mother not to provide food you can eat too as a dinner guest in her house.

It's all perspective.

Your success is something to celebrate! Don't lose sight of that. Congratulations!!!

[astrophe]

When I say they say things like 'oh that's great' or 'good job', it's so nonchalant.

It is what it is. Can't make people more excited, more sincere, more whatever. Whatever is causing this, it isn't your fault. You are an adult, and sometimes that means accepting that other adults are being different than what you'd wish.

You could stop sharing your progress good news with them. Then you aren't disappointed by their nonchalance.

, it's hard because SOMETIMES.. yeah.. I ask for a couple dollars here or there to get me along. Right now it's tough. Until school starts, I'm going to be struggling.

I suppose you can try to stop asking mom to help with your bills.

See where you can make the budget stretch some while still meeting needs.

Get food assistance elsewhere.

Otherwise do what you gotta and this will include listening to her go on about how you budget sometimes. I'm not saying it is RIGHT she bugs you and makes you feel bad about your valuing healthy meals and willingness to pay the cost. I'm just saying this too is what it is right now.

Pick where you will sacrifice -- your ears that have to listen to mom yammer sometimes, or your groceries (or some other bill) where you make do with LESS so you don't have to ask for help from mom.

Then put your energies in working out how to no longer need a boost from Mom. That seems like wiser use of your energy than spending it having food budget arguments with mom.

The last thing I want to note on is that a lot of conversation takes place around the dinner table. And I want that conversation and time with them. But it seems so rude of me to bring my own food when it's a dinner invitation that brings us together, and that's what I meant by 'defeating the purpose'.

This? Just workout or eat before you go to offset the calories from this meal.

Or bring a dish to share that's on plan -- esp since you are trying to open mom up to other recipes.

If you had allergies, you may do same. If you were vegetarian, you may do same. Or shoot -- even the diabetics in your family would adjust to do the same if they were actively managing their condition by portioning out exchanges. Set the example.

Or just suggest changing the visit to a non-meal time and put up with the TV being on, or brother being a teen ugh.
Invite THEM to something else -- play a board game at the table. Whatever.

Like the other stuff -- it is what it is right now. You can either find a way to just roll with it for now, or find a way to do it a different way, or just don't do it.

Don't visit for a while, take a break, focus on yourself and your diet skills so you can handle this social situation better when you come back from "vacation from my family problems."

I realize you crave more support/quality time/better relationships with your family of origin. But again... their issues are their issues. It isn't your fault, and you don't have to carry their baggage for them. You are an adult, and sometimes that means accepting that other adults are being different than what you'd wish right now.

You can HOPE that they will grow, change, etc. But you cannot do it for them.

A.

[Munchy]

Is there any way that you could stop borrowing money from your family and still buy healthy foods? I'd want to cut that relationship off very quickly since it's a sore spot on both sides, and by keeping them involved, it keeps you open to comments.

I find great deals for produce, herbs, and tofu at Asian markets, produce at farmer's markets/stands, Aldi, Shoprite, Pricerite and other discount markets have canned tomatoes, frozen veggies, bags of beans and brown rice, eggs, whole grain breads/pastas, oats, lowfat dairy and more.

We have a "Shoestring Meals" forum under "Food Talk and Fabulous Finds" and you may be able to find cheaper ways to enjoy the same foods you've been making with just a little more effort. It may be expensive to buy certain whole grain breads, but if you purchase the flour and make the bread yourself, you save a lot of money.

[free1]

MESSAGE FROM THE OTHER SIDE....

Congrats on your weight loss. I thought I'd share some insight from your family's perspective. I've been severely overweight all of my life (okay, since I was 8). My mother and sister have always been smaller than me but still not "skinny." A few years ago, they both successfully lost a significant amount of weight (you should see my skinny, gorgeous mom)

I, on the other hand, insisted on cookies, pizza and chinese food (I LOVE Chinese food). My mom would try to talk with me, offer me healthy alternatives, come up with healthy recipes and ask me to go exercise with her. It was hard for me to be "excited" or "supportive" because their efforts just reminded me of where I was and what I needed to change. It was like having a little person on my shoulder all the time nagging me about food. It wasn't what they said. Their changes reminded me of what I needed to do and I wasn't ready.

It wasn't that I didn't love and support it was just that it made me uncomfortable because it constantly reminded me of what I needed to do. Just watching them lose made me feel bad because it made me think about me. One time, I remember being down right defensive and telling them all the reasons why losing weight was harder for me! I wasn't ready to make up my mind to change.

I remember deliberately changing the subject when she started talking about weight. I don't think I ever asked how much she lost (and to be honest, I didn't care because it made me feel guilty). I never asked about her exercise. Never encouraged her. And definitely never joined her. Watching her success made me feel like a spotlight was on me. Again, I wasn't ready.

My mom stopped talking to me about it and just lived a healthy lifestyle. She has now maintained well for several years. I would get chinese food and she would just say "I think I'd like a salad." We'd sit around and she would say "I think I'll walk to the cleaners." She waited until I was ready to make the change.

My point....they're not ready. Give the time. I'm sorry that they can't give you the support you need. We'll try to make up for it

The funny thing is that now that I've made up my mind and am seeing good results, my mom has been my BIGGEST cheerleader! It takes time....Big hugs.

[milmin2043]

Think about how difficult it is to change our OWN behaviors. Then think how impossible it would be to change someone else's behaviors. I think everyone else here hit it on the head. Your family is not in the same place that you are with your journey. Hopefully they will come around for their own health, but if not, all you can do is continue on with your healthy lifestyle. I would try to involve them as little as possible unless they ask specifically for help. Just my opinion.

[Princess Squish]

Thank you everybody for the support. It's honestly what I desire more than anything. I honestly desire support more than the actual weight loss because, for me, getting the support motivates me to continue losing weight.

[Princess Squish]

Just a quick update if you will.
I'm on Free Cycle in my area and somebody posted that they have an exercise in great condition up for grabs. I emailed her and it's all mine.
I asked my mom if she would be willing to either pick it up for me or let me borrow her truck and she said she was going to be in that area on Saturday so she'd get it for me.
I feel like this is the first step of support from him. I'm pretty stoked.