When I came to Japan as an Assistant Language Teacher last July I weighed 213lbs. Since January, I've started working on my weight in earnest and have lost 20lbs. I'm proud of my accomplishment thus far--I'm only one pound away from my high school weight!--but the strangest thing has started to happen...
Some of my elementary students have been telling me that I'm getting fatter!
I know they're just kids and don't really have filters yet, but I'm so frustrated. They say that kids speak the truth, so do I really look bigger to them? Are they just being mean? Did something change and now they think it's okay to comment that they think I'm fatter (when I'm actually slightly smaller each time they see me)?
This hasn't caused me to lose my motivation or anything, but I can't exactly tell these children to STFU, and it's driving me nuts!
When I originally started to lose my weight, my brother (nine years old at the time) would say the same thing. Once I started crying then he told me he was just being a dick and he didn't mean it. Kids like to tease and most likely, none of them mean it. It may be annoying but remember that little kids make fun of one another just for wearing glasses.
I was an english teacher in south korea for a year in 1997. In that culture also, it's gloves-off for any physical limitation or vice. So people were constantly bugging their eyes out or gasping or whispering amongst themselves about my size (then about 240 pounds at 6'1"), so basically a humongous monster in their eyes.
I think the fact that you're tall too really contributes to their thinking that you're big. You're just a bigger woman than they're used to in general, and they probably are not analyzing it for WHY they think you're big. Also, since you've lost your weight gradually while you've known them, they probably haven't noticed that part as much. So I wouldn't lose sleep over it - you're always gonna be big to them, and YOU know that you're lighter than you were. That's all that counts, right?
Thanks for the support, kirsteng. I'm self-conscious enough being taller than most American women, and coming to Japan has been tough because I tower over almost everyone I meet, man or woman.
I'll do my best to shut my ears to these kids' remarks; they're not nice kids and I shouldn't be dragged down by their need to insult me at every turn (weight isn't the only thing they pester me about)!
I have never been a English teacher in any Asian country before but I do work with children in Canada. Not sure if this would be appropriate in your situation but when one of my kids say something about my body I usually act pretty nonchalant about it but I then tell them it hurts people's feelings to comment on other people's bodies.
Then I do not take it to heart as kids say all kinds of things and sometimes they are just observations and sometimes we misunderstand their meaning and sometimes they are just trying to wield some power. Perhaps they mean you look taller as you lose weight? I think sometimes people look taller as they get less wide, their height becomes more apparent, especially if you are tall to begin with.
How old are these kids? Have you tried telling them that a. it's impolite to make comments about a person's appearance and b. you're a teacher, not a fellow student, and speaking to you like a student is subject to disciplinary action? I know culturally, comments about a person's physical appearance are much more...aggressive in that part of the world (I have a few friends who have been through the same thing), but in your classroom you can expect respect and enact some discipline when they can't keep their comments to themselves.
My daughter is in kindergarten. I volunteer at her school a lot. At first, I was surprised but just how direct ALL of the teachers are, they are quick to correct and start the disciplinary procedure if a kid steps out of line. I think if you have mouthy kids, you have to be especially willing to shut them down. They DO have filters, they're just not using them. Even if it's acceptable to make personal comments, I bet it's not ok to make them to a teacher.
The biggest offenders are elementary third through fifth graders. I've told them, "You shouldn't say those kinds of things" and such before to no effect. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect is that other teachers have heard them make these comments (and also seen other kids grab my butt, boobs, stomach, etc.) and just laughed and walked past.
Usually I try to brush it off, but I think I may go the route of completely ignoring (and walking away from) these kids in favor of talking to the ones who seem to like and/or respect me.
Is there not any disciplinary standard in place for insulting a teacher or physically crossing boundaries with a teacher? I would find the rule book and just go by the rules. There HAS to be something about treating a teacher with respect. It may be uncomfortable to stand up for yourself, but it doesn't sound like anyone else is going to.
Honestly, I'm not sure. I've seen a junior high boy get into a physical fight with a female teacher. Whatever the standards are, they're very different from home.
I know what its like to move to another culture (but not as radically different as moving to an eastern culture).
I also know the experience of teaching and never feeling rewarded for it. Teaching, especially in another culture, can be a really difficult, unrewarding experience.
To be honest, it sounds like you have a job that doesn't make you happy, where you also feel like an outsider (even if you do speak some japanese).
The kids being normal, mean kids are just the icing on the cake. Their comments are simply spiteful - they DON'T pay attention to you or your body enough to tell if you are heavier or lighter (especially if you see them everyday). Kids DON'T care.
I know teaching English in Japan is a wonderful, once in a lifetime experience. But that does not mean you can't still be frustrated with a difficult job and feeling different - you've been there for over a year.
I think part of the problem is that Japan's culture is entirely different from ours. I have friends who are JETs and they often report that it's pretty much standard to make comments about others' bodies—especially when you stick out as a Westerner and someone who is fairly tall.
While you could try explaining to them that it's not really polite to discuss such things, I would say just ignore them. Even when you reach your goal weight you'll still be fairly larger than most Japanese folks and therefore will stick out.
The important thing is that YOU know you're losing weight and that YOU see the difference in yourself. You lost twenty pounds! That is an amazing accomplishment and you should feel extremely proud of yourself!
I also work in Japan, but not with children... I think that being foreign is already "bad" enough around here, but being overweight and foreign is all the more frustrating!
Just try to ignore it.
A few posters in the forum have commented on people being more aggressive about their size when they begin to slim down, not sure if they found out why though, but I have read it: people who have seen your bigger size calling you "fat" a lot more often, even though you are 30 pounds lighter than before.
It happens in the states too... I work in a middle school and have never heard (or at least noticed) anyone saying something about my weight... but the other day I walked into a classroom to get a kid feeling pretty good about myself because I'd just hit 30 pounds lost, and this kid turns to his friend and in Spanish called me a fat something... didn't catch the last word but his teacher did and immediately called him on it in front of the whole class while I just stood there not sure what to say. I felt like I was the one back in middle school. It sure won't make me go off plan but it makes wanting to work with that student way harder. I just try to remind myself that I know I'm a good person and I don't need to take into account what other people say when they're probably covering up their own insecurities. Or just like being mean...
Its amazing how culture is different around the world- I spent three months in Kenya and was called fat and large all the time but it always came with a smile and almost approval, and I got the most attention I have ever gotten from men while I was there. It was completely the opposite in Japan- still got a lot of comments but they were said with disapproval and a frown.
Discouraging Comments from Students
