Lately I don't feel like anyone (friends or family) really get me and the struggle that I have to lose weight. I feel like it has taken over my whole life and focus to the point where I don't feel like I want to be around some of the friends who I used to hang around. The ones that liked to go to the bars and drink alot. I have tried to cut drinking out and I don't think being around the bars a good idea right now. I also am not that close to my family so no one really helps or understands, except for my mom.
I am so glad to be back on this forum and read that others actually are going through the same thing and can relate. I guess I'm just feeling a bit down these days and I feel like my focus on the goal has got me arranging my life to make it easier for me.
Do any of you feel like this or have made changes to your lifestyle to make it easier for you? Have you made new friends and lost old ones because of your goals? Has this undertaking changed your life?
my biggest problem was that all of my friends that were willing to join me and/or support me... just didn't get the extent of what i was doing. it wasn't gonna be a short trip or some quick fix. needing to lose 30 pounds is a whole different ballgame than trying to lose 130 pounds. i was the biggest one in my group of friends, and the rest *if* they needed to lose weight, it wasn't more than 20-30 pounds... something that was barely noticeable on me when i lost it.
i love that they are all supportive, but they just don't *get* it. they didn't understand the 'fat girl' issues i was having, because they just hadn't ever had to deal with them. they'd smile and nod and change the subject when i tried to talk about it.
my best friend and my cousin are my 'idols' for this trip. my best friend has lost over 100 pounds, and my cousin has lost 175! my best friend switched her diet to vegan and started running, my cousin had weight loss surgery and then started working out with her husband. me? i'm calorie counting. so nice having different perspectives!
and i LOVE that i found this forum, because everything i'm going through *someone* can relate. they've either been there, done that... or they're going through it too.
sometimes i feel like my need to watch my calories is taking over my life. i count everything i eat and it limits my freedom sometimes. when i start feeling that way, i take a day and 'maintain' instead of trying to lose. it's an 'off plan' day, and that usually happens 2-3 times per month. i plan them, and space them out so i don't start feeling like "am i really stuck eating nothing but fish and skinless chicken and vegetables the rest of my life?"... i go to a cook out every friday night with my husband's classmates. i save up the majority of my calories and don't stress much about the food in the evening. it helps!
my closest friends understand, and they tolerate it for a little while when i talk about it, then they basically tell me to change the subject lol. at least my friends are honest!
Thanks Mandy! That's great that you have some 'idols' who have lost a lot of weight and can help you. I also like your idea about your maintain day. Honesty is good..lol. I agree that this forum has people with like minded goals and ideas.
I've had some people that truly don't get it. A lot of my family doesn't get it and I hear comments like "running is stupid, why are doing that?, you can eat just a little, it's only one day, you don't need to lose weight" and all these things are said for different reasons.
A lot of people get unintentionally offended because the changes I am making are positive and life-changing and draws light to the fact that many people in my life would also benefit from making their own changes. What I do day to day, my priorities, what I eat, drink, and where I'm willing to go have all changed because of this. I don't like to go out to eat, I don't like to go to movies, I don't like to go to clubs, because doing these things will tempt me to eat things that I don't want or are simply not an economical use of my time. Your time and my time is the most valuable thing we have. Aside from work and school, losing weight, whether it's meal planning, preparation, motivation, meetings, exercise, run training, biking, hiking, camping, nutrition, diet, and physio research, are my top priorities. This is what I want to spend my time doing and I think everyone should spend their time doing what is important to you.
If my friends want to come for a run, come along, if you want to come to a WW meeting, come along, want to climb a mountain, let's go! But if you want to sit on your *** and eat a mountain of buttery salty popcorn and a side of diet chemical crap find someone else to go with you. I'm of course much more diplomatic with my friends and will still go along to these things sometimes, but I don't get the same enjoyment from them that I used to.
I definitely feel alone a LOT of the time. My SO is very supportive, but he eats anything he wants and sometimes I just have to be like "babe, I can't eat that." and he'll admit that he totally forgot, and my family is notorious for eating horribly, so when I have meals with my family it's a constant struggle to keep myself from just saying "eff it". My mother isn't very supportive, but my dad is. He gets it.. but my mom has never even tried to lose weight. My sister kind of gets it and my uncle (who lives far away) thinks it's cool that I'm taking charge of my life.. but my friends really don't get it. My best friend brought over taco bell and brought some for me and it kind of made me mad.
I've definitely changed my life, even for having been at it for such a small amount of time, and I see a lot of changes happening that weren't intentional.
I honestly have no one who gets it and who cares. My best 'supporters' are the ones who don't impede me. There are others who try to throw me off track, and for the life of me I don't get why.
I've tried talking about this stuff once or twice. I get blank looks, and so I stop. And I've realized from unrelated converstations my friends/family have had that they really don't understand AT ALL. None of them have ever been more than in the upper part of normal weight.
Now, some of them just let me eat my healthier foods without giving me crap. Silence is better sometimes.
But in general, I talk about diet, weight loss, and exercise with NO ONE ever. It's not so bad, but it does get lonely, like the OP said.
My mother has started in the past couple of years to eat healthier, but she's nowhere near my level in terms of information and fastidiousness on nutrition and she doesn't exercise either. She likes that I eat healthy, but neither she nor my father understand my drive to lose fat (I'm pretty much at a "normal" weight and have been all my life). They're both cautiously supportive, always worried that I don't eat enough or I train too much. But they're 1100 miles away, so not having a lot of effect on my lifestyle.
When it comes to my former colleagues at work (I just changed jobs), my lifestyle put a distance between me and almost everyone else. A lot of people expressed admiration/envy for what I was doing, but most of them stuck to their habits. We had game/movie nights that I started avoiding because there would be inevitably a lot of junk food and most times I was unable to resist the temptation. Some of them started attending the same group workouts as I was, so there was some common ground there. We'll see how the people at the new job are and if I'll find any kindred spirits.
My partner is the worse though. He loves me and wants to make me feel good, so he constantly tempts me with food and regularly tells me that I need to eat more. He doesn't understand why I'm so obsessed with losing fat, since he thinks I'm already amazing and perfect and so on. Lately I've been educating him though and when he noticed me reading this forum he said half-jokingly that it's not me who needs a support group, but him, because he'll keep tempting me with food otherwise. Things are getting better now, he's learned that I eat every 3 hours and now reminds me that I need to eat something, but there's still a way to go until he fully understands what I'm doing and why.
All in all, I'm glad I found this place, as it gives me that extra boost I need sometimes to stick to my knives (sorry, I don't like guns). I've always wanted a training/nutrition buddy to kick my butt and keep me accountable, so now I've found something close enough.
I grew up in a family of health nuts, one of my best friends is a professional dancer, and the last boy I dated was in the military. Yep, I usually feel alone in this.
They all try to be supportive, but the advice they give is maddening sometimes--my brother, who's REALLY into lifting, basically just tries to get me to take a zillion grams of protein a day. The dancer, who is underweight, recommends fruits and veggies and not much else. My father follows a paleo diet, etc. etc. By now I've learned it's best to just smile and nod and keep dong my own thing :P
I think losing weight is a lonely journey because we have to take total responsibility for what we do.
People can encourage us, or discourage us. Everyone may know more about healthy eating than we do. The whole world is probably on a different eating plan than we are.
So we just have to make our own choices and decisions by ourselves. It is lonely.
Has this undertaking changed my life? Emphatically yes. Have relationships changed in the process? Definitely. Something I have learned through all of this, is that I have to ask for what I want. I hate to do it, but letting friends/family members know how they can support me has made a world of difference. When I go to my mom's for dinner, she puts sauces/dressings on the side and cooks lots of veggies and doesn't comment on what I'm eating, my grandma knows I won't think it's rude if she doesn't offer me cake at birthday parties, my friends know I love a gym buddy when they have the time. But all of these things I've had to ASK for. And while it still is a very individual journey, and one that I don't talk much about with family/friends, these things have helped me feel less alone.
And there's always 3FC for the questions and the rants and the things you know people will only understand if they've gone through it too! We're here for you!
Most of my relationships had already changed from having my second baby. I'm not sure what happened. But whatever, my true friends are still around. All two of them! They're both like brothers to me. But everyone who knows about my weight loss has been extremely supportive. Well, my mom has only mentioned it once but our relationship has been strained this summer even more than usual.
My DF is very proud of me and has even lost ~20lb himself just from the changes that I've made to our household (making lower calorie versions of what we used to eat, not buying tea anymore, etc.). I'm very proud of him, too.
Yes. I am alone in this. I love my family but they don't want to hear about my struggles. I love my friends but unless you're the one on the journey it can be really boring to hear another person drone on and on about what they ate, how much they worked out, etc. So I keep it to myself and accept the compliments graciously when they are doled out.
I don't mind being alone with it. It's my life, my health, and I'm the only one that can change it.
Do I feel alone? Sometimes. Do I wish my friends/family would understand? Definitely. Have the relationship with my friends changed? Very much so. One thing I have had to learn the hard way is that you can only rely on yourself. Sure, you can have friends/spouses join you if they choose to but when everyone's priorities change you have to rely on yourself to keep yours intact. I have asked my family to cook healthy meals for the days I go for dinner and when I refuse those extra servings no body takes it personally. I am doing this for me and sometimes I think that means we have to do it "alone".
My boyfriend doesn't understand my commitment as much, although he has been losing weight with me he was never ashamed of his body like I was. When I look in the mirror I see a girl who let herself go and I hate what I see, however he loves me the way I am and doesn't understand that I still think I look fat and am trying to change that. Since he reached his goal weight he constantly talks about being able to eat more and wants to go get a celebration pizza. Every day about 30min after we finish dinner, he will turn around and say "Do you want anything?" when I refuse he tells me that I don't eat enough. I have to rely on myself to stay strong.
Its hard sometimes, but I'm glad I learned how to keep myself motivated and on track. I think I am more likely to be successful because of it.
I think losing weight is a lonely journey because we have to take total responsibility for what we do.
People can encourage us, or discourage us. Everyone may know more about healthy eating than we do. The whole world is probably on a different eating plan than we are.
So we just have to make our own choices and decisions by ourselves. It is lonely.
This.
Yes, sure it's nice to have family or friends who are supportive and will talk to you about what you are doing and cheer you on. And it's even nicer to NOT have people who try to tell you it's fine to off your plan "just this once" and have some fun.
But the bottom line is that we all have to make the right choice every day to stay on plan with food (whatever plan that is! and to be active. And all the talking and support doesn't change that.
Most people who have never dealt with a weight struggle don't know how to support. Since weight is so sensitive, many people don't know what to say, what not to say and when to jump in. This is a new adjustment for you and it may take them time to adjust to their place in your life during this endeavor.
Also, I learned that friends and family may be great in some areas of my life and not in others. And that's fine. I have some friends who could care less about my weight loss, they play an important role in another part of my life (like my educational endeavors or just generally emotional support).
Give them time. And remember, you're not alone.....Your 3FC friends are here.
Do you ever feel alone in this journey?
They're both like brothers to me. But everyone who knows about my weight loss has been extremely supportive. Well, my mom has only mentioned it once but our relationship has been strained this summer even more than usual.
