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Old 10-02-2011, 07:07 AM   #16  
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I must say I have amazing friends and an amazing mom who support me, although they love me as is too! But people don't think that things might be hard, and I don't expect them to. The week after I started my plan, I was invited to a friend's house for dinner. There were five of us and, after dinner, the four of them put 3 packets of crisps on the table right in front of me and polished them off. It was very hard! But I can't expect them not to eat becasue I don't, so I try just not to mention it. I do try and change things around so that I'm not in any difficult situations, but at the same time, I guess it's life, so we've got to get our weight loss to fit into our lives!
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:44 AM   #17  
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I don't really talk to many people about my weight loss attempt. Ironically I have found that my friends / family comment on my eating patterns less if I don't mention it. If I don't want cake it;s 'I had a big lunch so not hungry' rather than 'My diet doesn't allow it' and I hardly ever have people push it further.

I agree with the comments on here, it is a personal journey and boring to anyone who isn't dieting also.
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Old 10-02-2011, 03:54 PM   #18  
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Thanks for all the comments. Gives me something to think about. I must say that I do have some friends that are helpful, but I think those that said that this is a personal journey (our own responsibility), that we really are alone with ultimately. I can't expect someone else to fully understand what I'm going through (except this board).

I put myself in this situation to begin with, and I have to get myself out and back to where I was before I was overweight. hugs!
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Old 10-02-2011, 07:55 PM   #19  
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do i feel like im alone? yes. my uncle half way mocks me when i tell him i cant eat this or i wont eat that. (i come from a big family in which it seems all the men are normal and all women are overweight) my son and husband can eat whatever they like and dont gain weight. my lil boy just turned 3 and were struggling to get him above 30 lbs! (his doc says its normal for him) i, in the meantime, am trying really hard not to sample that ice cream that my husband just brought home. or him constantly saying hes craving cookies or cake. he weighs 150. i cant really turn to anyone cause i dont know anyone else that is trying to lose weight like me. my closest gal pal is a size 2 and constantly calls herself fat. shes had 3 kids and looks amazing btw. if shes fat then i must look like a whale to her. not to mention a friends friend was complimenting my personality and said he hoped to meet a girl like me that he could marry. (hes from africa) but he said a few minutes later that i was plump and asked my weight. when i told him i weighed 185 he looked shocked like he couldnt believe it! he said a girl of my height shouldnt weigh over 125. im like yeah sure if shes got a small frame maybe. (im 5 foot 5 btw) SORRY WENT OFF ON A TANGENT but i felt it was needed.
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:01 PM   #20  
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I haven't felt alone since finding 3FC. No matter where I am in my journey I absolutely KNOW I am not alone and I always have some place to come to reassure me of that.

Oh, and yes I have lost a relationship from my journey--a friend that wasn't comfortable with my changes. I never forced them on her or even spoke about them to her--she just couldn't handle the difference in me.

My life has changed drastically. Dare I say I think I am more interesting? I know I am not concerned over losing one very close friendship. I have lots more friends now that support my new lifestyle and at the end of the day, they are better for my health and mentality.

Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 10-02-2011 at 08:04 PM.
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:25 PM   #21  
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Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone View Post
I haven't felt alone since finding 3FC. No matter where I am in my journey I absolutely KNOW I am not alone and I always have some place to come to reassure me of that.

Oh, and yes I have lost a relationship from my journey--a friend that wasn't comfortable with my changes. I never forced them on her or even spoke about them to her--she just couldn't handle the difference in me.

My life has changed drastically. Dare I say I think I am more interesting? I know I am not concerned over losing one very close friendship. I have lots more friends now that support my new lifestyle and at the end of the day, they are better for my health and mentality.
Yay 3fc!

I definitely agree that it is much better to have friends that support your new lifestyle rather than the negativity that some others bring. Too bad about your friend who wasn't comfortable with the new you. Her loss I say.
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:40 PM   #22  
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I completely agree with the stance that it's just a lonely journey. I've had friends / family give me advice on weight loss over the years, but it's not until I decided to make the choice that I've been doing anything. I have to drive my weight loss. I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me. That right there tends to make it lonely.

But my biggest issue is that I'm so ashamed of my weight that I don't want to talk about my weight loss journey. And that alienates people from my life. Everyone that I know is thin or mostly thin. And I constantly hear them talk about how fat they are. So immediately my mind turns to 'if they think they're that fat then what must they think of me?'. And I stay quiet even more. I definitely don't have that support network that tries to help me eat better. My mom and sister are really supportive but my mom binges like I do so she's always unconsciously sabotaging me. But I'm so embarrassed around my friends that I don't ask for help.

My other problem is that I travel for work a lot which promotes unhealthy eating. Or even when I go out with my friends I want to eat what they're eating. And again it's something that I never want to say in front of my coworkers/friends. So in a way I've also made this a lonely journey. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to magically be thin and not even have anyone comment on weight loss. I just want to forget this period in my life. It's probably not the healthiest approach but it's where I am right now.

So sorry, I don't really have any advice. But if you figure it out then please let me know. :-) Good luck!
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:45 PM   #23  
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Originally Posted by kimicat76 View Post
do i feel like im alone? yes. my uncle half way mocks me when i tell him i cant eat this or i wont eat that. (i come from a big family in which it seems all the men are normal and all women are overweight) my son and husband can eat whatever they like and dont gain weight. my lil boy just turned 3 and were struggling to get him above 30 lbs! (his doc says its normal for him) i, in the meantime, am trying really hard not to sample that ice cream that my husband just brought home. or him constantly saying hes craving cookies or cake. he weighs 150. i cant really turn to anyone cause i dont know anyone else that is trying to lose weight like me. my closest gal pal is a size 2 and constantly calls herself fat. shes had 3 kids and looks amazing btw. if shes fat then i must look like a whale to her. not to mention a friends friend was complimenting my personality and said he hoped to meet a girl like me that he could marry. (hes from africa) but he said a few minutes later that i was plump and asked my weight. when i told him i weighed 185 he looked shocked like he couldnt believe it! he said a girl of my height shouldnt weigh over 125. im like yeah sure if shes got a small frame maybe. (im 5 foot 5 btw) SORRY WENT OFF ON A TANGENT but i felt it was needed.
I hear you! Some people just really don't get it. Hugs!
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:51 PM   #24  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliasihaya View Post
I completely agree with the stance that it's just a lonely journey. I've had friends / family give me advice on weight loss over the years, but it's not until I decided to make the choice that I've been doing anything. I have to drive my weight loss. I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me. That right there tends to make it lonely.

But my biggest issue is that I'm so ashamed of my weight that I don't want to talk about my weight loss journey. And that alienates people from my life. Everyone that I know is thin or mostly thin. And I constantly hear them talk about how fat they are. So immediately my mind turns to 'if they think they're that fat then what must they think of me?'. And I stay quiet even more. I definitely don't have that support network that tries to help me eat better. My mom and sister are really supportive but my mom binges like I do so she's always unconsciously sabotaging me. But I'm so embarrassed around my friends that I don't ask for help.

My other problem is that I travel for work a lot which promotes unhealthy eating. Or even when I go out with my friends I want to eat what they're eating. And again it's something that I never want to say in front of my coworkers/friends. So in a way I've also made this a lonely journey. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to magically be thin and not even have anyone comment on weight loss. I just want to forget this period in my life. It's probably not the healthiest approach but it's where I am right now.

So sorry, I don't really have any advice. But if you figure it out then please let me know. :-) Good luck!
I know what you mean by your family that tries to sabotage your efforts. But, ultimately, I have to learn self control and how to say 'no' to the goodies that my mom makes everytime go there.

I agree that we drive our own weight loss, but sometimes it is dang hard going it alone. See I do talk about it, which can be embarrassing in itself.
I guess both of us haven't really figured it out apart from the part that we do have to do it for ourselves because it is our life, and our body, and ultimately our own personal journey.
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:51 PM   #25  
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I used to feel that way, but I also have to admit that I chose to feel that way. When people tried to help me, I didn't like it, or thought it was the wrong kind of help, and I wanted them to stay out of it. When people tried to stay out of it, I was angry that they weren't helping.

I think that the weight loss process often puts folks (me anyway) "on edge," so that no matter what people try to do to help (or to not to), there's a good chance it's going to rub me the wrong way.

I also think that the people close to me, couldn't be my support. I didn't get offended with strangers the way I did with loved ones. With people close to me, I often felt "they should know me and what I need." With strangers I didn't have that expectation, so imperfect support from a stranger felt like support, whereas imperfect support from loved ones was a major disappointment and left me thinking they didn't love me enough to do better.

I know it's irrational, but I've found that it's easier to be rational with strangers and casual friends than with family and close friends.

That's why I don't look for support from my family and close friends. My support is here on 3FC and in my Tuesday night TOPS group (taking off pounds sensibly). The stronger my emotional ties to a person, the harder it is for me to accept less than perfect care, support, and advice.

Since I've learned that about myself, I find it easier to accept and appreciate less-than-perfect-help from those I love, but I still get the most support from TOPS and 3FC.

My husband and I are both on a weight loss journey, and yet we're lousy support for each other. Some of his trigger foods are my "sanity savers," and likewise the reverse. We don't follow the same food plan, we don't have the same beliefs about weight loss, and when we try to "help" each other, it usually backfires. We've learned that the best support we can give each other when it comes to weight loss, is to get out of each other's way.

The line between too much interest (which feels like having the diet police on our backs) and too little (which feels like no one cares), is very fine.

Last edited by kaplods; 10-03-2011 at 02:07 PM.
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Old 10-02-2011, 09:00 PM   #26  
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kaplods, great post. It is amazing what we learn about ourselves from this weight loss road we are on. It is great that you learned how to support your husband by giving each other space. I agree that there is a fine line between having too little support and too much when it comes to close friends and family. Trying to find the balance is key perhaps.
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