Why is it that every evening I feel like I failed?
Does anyone else experience this?
I can have the most magical, effortless on-plan day, but by 8 or 9 pm, I feel like I MUST have done something wrong. Surely I ate something off-plan, something less-than-ideal, something counterproductive. So then I think hard, think back on everything I ate... And when I can't think of anything bad, I tell myself I must be having memory lapses.
It's a really bizarre feeling, and more often happens on those, as I said, effortless, magical OP days. On days I struggle but choose wisely, I don't get this urge to beat myself up - I can focus on the good choices. On days I DO eat something off-plan, I am able to accept it and usually don't beat myself up (getting better at that). But on days when I meet my nutritional standards... I can't stop worrying and fretting! I sit here going, oh I feel so bloated. I must have eaten something. I'll surely see a gain tomorrow. I obviously wasn't paying attention when I ate... Ate what? I don't know. But something. SOMETHING.
So not only am I trying to find fault with myself, I am trying to convince myself my brain is made of swiss cheese. What's extra mind-boggling is that I am a tracker, I use FitDay and rarely - RARELY - fail to plug something in if I eat it (even if it is a whole pizza).
Soooo........ Am I alone? Anyone else do this weird dance around phantom food you haven't eaten? Am I just trying so desperately to find fault with myself that I assign it on days that I really could not have done any better? It's driving me batty!
Wow, that's strange. I haven't felt like that. I've been trying to let go feelings of guilt and shame even when I do things off plan. I see that you said you use Fitday... Do you put in your food immediately after you eat it, or do it all at once at the end of the day? I would think that making a habit of tracking right away might help. Forgive me if you're already doing that. But don't beat yourself up for making mistakes, even hypothetical or imaginary ones. You're still doing better than you used to, I imagine.
I can relate to some of that type of thinking. For me, it's not the wondering if I ate something bad on those magical days. For me, it seems like if there is no struggle, then how can I possibly achieve a loss? Isn't losing weight supposed to be super hard? Well, it is because I rarely have magical days. Do you think you, like me, have a hard time wrapping your mind around the idea that losing weight has got to be a huge challenge?
I agree with shiskeberry....log food not only right when you eat it, but I'd suggest logging it before it goes into your mouth. That way, nothing gets omitted. If you don't have access to a computer, then have a little notepad that you take with you wherever you go and just jot down every single thing. Yes, it may seem obsessive, but it's better than those feelings you're experiencing.
I am definitely doing better than I used to! And I'm losing weight and feel great and am happy... It's so weird that my brain lets me off the hook when I've gone off plan, but won't let me enjoy my success when I stay on plan.
As for tracking habits, I combine two approaches - I put in the things I plan to eat first thing in the morning, and then once I eat something outside of those items I immediately track it. (I often don't plan out exactly what I'll eat for a snack, for instance, so I put that in after I eat it. Or I'll change my mind about putting salsa on top of something. Little things like that.) So it's not like I'm sitting there at the end of the day wracking my brain for what I've eaten so I can track it.
luckymommy - ah, yes - that might be it. It hadn't occurred to me to think about it that way. Maybe it is hard to accept the magical, did it without thinking, sort of days because they're rare... and dangit dieting is supposed to be HARD.
But of course none of us are dieting... we're all making lifestyle changes... right?
Hmm. For me, I think that feeling sometimes comes from a fear of succeeding. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes thinking about what being successful at losing weight is like can be stressful. You get more attention, people ask you how you did it, people will notice if you gain it back, etc.
You're doing great. Good for you that OP days sometimes feel effortless!
abluvion, you make a good point..it's a lifestyle for sure. I was wondering....are you working out? I try not to ever eat the calories I burn but I also feel like the exercise provides a sort of a cushion in case I underestimate something. I also try to keep as active as possible throughout the day and that helps me feel like I"m more in control. Either way, I congratulate you on making such wonderful changes!
When you mention feeling bloated, are you physically feeling bloated after supper, in which case maybe you are having too many of your calories late on or eating something which disagrees with you, or are is it a psychological thing where you stop to feel miserable about being overweight? Either way, do you have any theories as to why this happens at this particular time of day? Energy slump, for instance? Would it help if you simply distracted yourself at the hour when you tend to feel low with something nice and exciting?
I can relate to some of that type of thinking. For me, it's not the wondering if I ate something bad on those magical days. For me, it seems like if there is no struggle, then how can I possibly achieve a loss? Isn't losing weight supposed to be super hard? Well, it is because I rarely have magical days. Do you think you, like me, have a hard time wrapping your mind around the idea that losing weight has got to be a huge challenge?
This is an excellent point. I try so hard to get out of that mentality. It's the mentality of my youth (where dieting = suffering) and the one my mother still subscribes to. I keep trying to remind myself that this is for LIFE, and since I don't want to live a life of suffering, I better do now what I plan to do for life.
A similar thing happens to me a couple times a week! I'll actually be sitting at home and suddenly think "oh my god what did I eat today?!? I ate something really bad, didn't I?!?" when really I had a perfect day. I've got no idea where it comes from. It's just like the "oh no I left something important at home!!!" thought that I get while I'm on the bus sometimes, or the "ahhh I had an appointment I was supposed to go to!!!" thought that hits me on lazy weekends.
I always kinda assumed this was normal, but maybe I'm crazy.
It sounds like generalized anxiety mapped onto dieting to me. That strong feeling that your brain is telling you you've done something wrong or forgotten something and so you frantically search around to figure out what it is!
Do/have you find/found yourself feeling guilty or anxious at other times and trying to figure out what you've done wrong or what you're worrying about?
Are you maybe a bit of a pesssimist? Kind of afraid to believe in the possibility of good things happening to you? Cause I'm like that unfortunately and can relate to feeling almost freaked out when things are good (which i guess equals in my twisted mind to "too good to be true"...). Hope you manage to work through this and try not to let this sabotage you in whatever you're working towards - that's the important thing for me. Otherwise the pessimistic feeling becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy..
Heather - the fear of success is something that has stopped me in the past. I struggle with self-sabotage, and I fear that is where this is coming from. That even on my most successful days, I can't possibly be successful, so why even try. Out, out with that thinking.
Esofia - Well, I feel heavier toward the end of the day, naturally, with all the food and water I've consumed. I'm not actually bloaty... I definitely don't stuff myself at dinner when I'm OP, either. Most of my cals are consumed earlier in the day. So to some degree it's a real thing I'm pointing out to myself. "I don't feel as skinny as I did when I woke up." Wellll... yes, self... that makes sense. You were empty when you woke up. And now you're not.
mayness - ahhh someone else! It really throws me off when it happens and I can't think of a single thing I could have done better.
DietVet - I don't typically have anxiety issues, but I wouldn't be surprised if my brain created them to be diet-specific!
Why is it that every evening I feel like I failed?
Do you think you, like me, have a hard time wrapping your mind around the idea that losing weight has got to be a huge challenge? 
