So basically I want to know if anyone feels the same way.
I have for my entire life been overweight. When I was going through school, talking about weight and health and good foods always made me squirm as I felt like whenever someone was listing the disadvantages to being overweight they would stare right at me and I could just imagin them thinking "why are you so stupid that you would do this?" I know that is was paranoia, but for an 11,12,13 etc year old this was really upsetting. As much as on the inside I was desperate to be normal and skinny, like all the other kids, as soon as I got the chance I was using the so called "bad" foods as a form of comfort.
Now as a 22 year old I can recognise and understand what happened when I was a child. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. My problems now are that I don't want people to acknowledge or even notice that I have lost weight or am losing weight. I am so embarrassed by how big that I am, that I feel very insecure and horrible when I see people I know when I am exercising. I understand that they are trying to be supportive and help me to continue, but the pain and insecurity that has surrounded my weight for my entire life just jumps up and bites me on the arse every time someone is supportive (in person, at least). Then it just spirals and I start to make excuses not to go places so that i avoid seeing people that I may potentially know. This has gotten so bad that I actually have specific times that I can only go to the gym, otherwise someone I know will be there.
It would probably help for me to tell you that I live in a country town, so everyone knows everyone else's business and gossip is the only form of entertainment for most people.
I'm not really sure whether anyone can help, but if anyone could help that would be really nice.
I think you should be proud of the fact you've lost weight and are continuing on losing it! I know it can be awkward taking compliments from people about it but that's really you're own problem on an emotional level you need to work on.
People are going to take notice whether you like it or not and they're going to talk about it and they're going to say stuff to you. I say get over your insecurity and just allow people that want to support you. You don't have to have them fully involved with how you are doing it. (I get what you mean about to your face they're supporting you but who knows what they say behind your back...and you know what who cares! People are going to be jealous because you're strong and you will do this and I'd say let that be your fuel to continue!)
If you continue to allow that to over come the goals and accomplishments you are going to make in the future you are going to fail. Because eventually that certain time you go to the gym someone else you may know could be there and then you'll stop going at that time. Eventually you'll stop all together and fail because of your fear, because of your insecurity.
This isn't an easy journey and it isn't a journey about losing weight, theres a lot of baggage that comes with it as well because of what happened to us in the past, because of how we choose to live our life before hiding behind food. It's physically and mentally exhausting at times because you're trying to find yourself again. Stop thinking about the past, live in the now and for the future. (I know it's a lot harder to do then it is to say it, but in the end it's worth it!)
If it's the gym you don't like because you don't want people to see you. Why not try other options? Like work out video's, jogs around your neighbour hood whatever. Either way I say show these people what you're made of, be proud of the accomplishments you've over come and continue to work towards your goal!! You can do it!
I know where you're coming from, although I don't have any solutions.
No one has noticed (or at least mentioned) my weight loss except my mom, but I think to me noticing a loss emotionally "reads" the same as someone noticing a gain, which they're just too polite to mention. But the fact is, they probably do notice either way, are too polite to mention the gain, and therefore are only mentioning the loss as a positive thing. It is a positive thing; it's what you're working so hard for, after all.
Most people would like to lose a few pounds. Even some very thin people think they need to lose a pound or two.
So when someone mentions my weight loss, I say very pleasantly:
"Thank you for noticing. I have lost 12 pounds. And how is your diet coming along?"
They don't expect that their weight will be the center of conversation and they really struggle with that. So they usually get embarrassed and change the subject real quick.
I guess it's OK to discuss someone elses weight, but when it comes to theirs they would rather not talk about it.
Sometimes they pursue the subject and ask how much more weight I plan to lose. So I just say "maybe two or three pounds. And how much do you have to lose?"
Since they want to persist in talking dieting and weight loss, I really pursue their dieting plans. Some of them can't wait to get away from me. lol
But some people open up and start to talk about how much they need to lose. They are very nice about it.
Some people are just plain nosey, but some are looking for advice and help.
But I don't avoid people. I figure I will get more comments about my weight as I lose more. Most people are happy for you when they see your progress.
And when you get rail thin you will be seen as an expert on weight loss! The locals will come to you for advice and support.
And if you maintain your weight loss for years, you will be seen as a real Role Model. How nice.
Accept the compliments as they come. I was actually getting annoyed when people didn't say anything and i'm here workin my butt off. People are going to notice a difference. don't be embarassed, be proud that you're looking and taking better care of yourself.
Be PROUD of what you are accomplishing and for every person who notices take that as a tool to keep losing. I do feel embaressed that I let myself get SO BAD- but now I feel proud that I have come so FAR!
I understand how u feel. Several of my friends know about my weight loss eforts. Whenever they see me they ask me to stand up and turn around so they can see my progress. I always get embarrassed because I feel like I look the same as I did 35 pounds ago! I imagine them saying ”she doesn't look any different at all!” its just something I have to work out within myself.
I just posted a thread related to this type of behavior
It's a touchy subject for a lot of people so it's natural, its just a matter of teaching yourself that it's ok that people are proud of you. You deserve the praise!!!
here's the thread name:
fat and ugly: a state of mind changed through self-love
I used to hate this too!!! I couldn't take a compliment, it made my skin crawl when people commented on my body, even in a positive way. As I've become more confident and comfortable with myself, I've learned to just say thanks and move on. And I know that it has everything to do with me and how comfortable I am with my own body.
Yeah, I am more embarrassed about it, but not to the degree that you are. I was talking with DH last night, and I told him I felt proud of approaching the 80lbs lost mark and yet ashamed at the same time. Ashamed that I let myself get that overweight. He said that I shouldn't feel that way, that I should be proud, and that I did something about it, and took the bull by the horns, etc.
I am dealing with this a lot. I work in a very professional setting and it is not uncommon for me to see someone who I haven't seen in a few months, so the weight loss is more noticeable. AND I know I should feel very lucky because when I read on here how some people are in completely unsupportive situations, I know that I have been so fortunate that everyone from family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances has been more the 100% supportive.
But the other day a probation officer that I haven't seen in about 5 months I saw in the hallway next to court. And she literally YELLED "OH MY GOD! Jen, you look GORGEOUS. OH MY GOD I can't believe it!!!" Several people turned around and looked - it was so embarrassing, and I don't want to be upset, because I believe it came from a genuine and well meaning place.
Also, fairly recently at least 3 people have told me how pretty I am. That makes me want to die. I have never once in my life thought of myself as pretty, and I don't know how to react to it at all.
Yeah, I am more embarrassed about it, but not to the degree that you are. I was talking with DH last night, and I told him I felt proud of approaching the 80lbs lost mark and yet ashamed at the same time. Ashamed that I let myself get that overweight. He said that I shouldn't feel that way, that I should be proud, and that I did something about it, and took the bull by the horns, etc.
This is exactly how I feel, too. In some ways I wish I had never told anyone how much I've lost because for the first couple months I didn't weigh at all so I didn't know how much I'd lost. Then once I weighed and told people now they ask all the time how much more I've lost. If I am having a plateau, which I did at 45lbs lost then I feel like when they ask and I say I haven't lost anymore they're thinking "Yea, well, she's lost before and gained it all back, so now that's what she's doing again." Which I am not, I just hit a plateau, which has now ended and have lost 5 more lbs.
Fungramma - that is exactly why I don't keep track of how much I have lost. I am in this for the duration (i.e., until I get to a size/weight I want), NOT for a certain number of pounds lost. I have found through repeated attempts that at the point that I start telling people how much I've lost, that is when I quit losing weight. I weigh myself, but don't do the math - so I can truly tell people, when they ask, that I don't know. I alway think that they either think "man, she lost that much weight and still look at her" or "how can anyone lose that much weight?"
Embarrassed when people mention my weight loss
