I always thought that being fat made me invisible... I was so wrong.
Now being on the other side, and staying at a normal weight for longer than I ever have, I realize that being the fat invisible chick was something that I made up in my mind. I was not invisible. I was the quite the opposite. The snickers the stares the comments the glares did not make me invisible. They made me miserable. So I comforted myself with more food and booze. And guess what? I still wasn't invisible. I was in denial.
I never felt happy with my old weight, but my efforts had all been in vain, so I made myself feel happy about it by saying to myself, hey at 295 I carry myself well. I'm doing alright at this weight, I can still walk for miles on end.
But walks made me feel tired, exhausted at times.
People made fun of my chest, things like people calling my chest man boobs, not feeling comfortable taking off my shirt in the summer when other men did. Slouching often to try and not get comments about my chest, even though I knew it was not fat in my chest that caused those comments, but I don't need to get into why those comments would be made if it is not fat in that area that got those comments.
I did carry myself well at 295. And I will carry myself well at nearly 300 when I one day don a 120 pound vest to continue in my strength training for my shoulders and legs. I could carry it once, I will train my body to carry it again for different purposes the second time around.
You are no better off at your weight then I was at mine. That safety net we create for ourselves to justify it is simply ourselves trying to mislead ourselves. In being overweight and unhealthy, we are our own greatest enemies. Does it make you, or my former self bad people or wrong people? Not at all.
We are all students in life, learning about ourselves always. What makes us happy, what we want to change. If you can say you are truly happy where you are at then by all means, be happy. I would rather wish happiness on the world then tell someone they have to lose weight to be happy.
But if you want a change, then you definitely are taking a step in the right direction by approaching the subject.
I was not happy, but I was not sad, I simply was. I was there, and I was able. Now I am stronger, faster, and greater then I have ever been in my life physically, and in many ways mentally.
Take my advice and others any way you desire as well. Even if you don't take it at all. But think about this. Everyone here, and myself, took time out of their own lives, to talk to, and encourage you. We can't encourage everyone, no one is physically capable of doing that, but we took some time out of our lives for you, well, I know I did at least, and I personally wish you the best, and hope the best for you.
when I read your original post, I felt like it resonated with me. I've gotten down from over 300 lbs, and feel much better, I'm healthier, able to be more active, and have an easier time socially. But at this weight I do get the sense that I'm struggling to plug in and get this weight down due to a sense of fear, like what you mentioned, of more being expected of me, of having to do more and put myself out there.
for me, there are other complications and factors too, biological and schedule wise, etc. Like for anybody. I do think there is that need to be in control to counteract the fear of "the new me" and what "the new me" brings with it. I think it's a matter of taking small steps, and gaining confidence in my own abilities to make the right decisions for me. I can do something or not do something regardless of what the number on the scale is. Does that make sense?
Also, there is an aspect of it that just involves having a plan and following it, exercise wise and eating wise. the mindlessness of that helps me break through the fogginess that the emotional issues can cause.
My weight problems really started when I was dumped by a boyfriend of 10 years. I gained because I was depressed, not only because of the break- up, but because I felt like a failure on every level, personally, career- wise, etc. I also felt that I did not ever want to go though the devastation again that I did with the breakup, and completely lost interest in dating. I think the weight makes me feel safe because I feel invisible to men, and I wanted it that weight. I also went through a very traumatic when I was young, and that left me feeling threatened if I got any attention from men, and my weight makes me feel safe from that. However, I just finished college and have started an exciting new career and feel more confident than I ever have. I'm still not interested in dating, but I really want to lose weight now not for anybody else, but for me because I care about my own health and well-being, and that is a good thing! I think it's all about loving yourself enough to realize you are worth the effort
