Life right now, is throwing me lots of curve balls. And on top of being an emotional eater, a boredom eater, I am also a stress eater.
When things get tough I make a beeline for the snacks.
Sometimes I really wonder how much more I can take before I break.
Last Thursday, my mom texted me while I was at work to tell me that at the end of the month, she is being laid off. She has worked for this person (it's a small three person office/operation) for 25 years. They way in which they told her, was really crappy, and the whole story behind how they got there- too long to get into. But both me and my daughter- as well as my brother and his daughter, live with my mom, and now my grandma, who is in poor health, is here too. It was devastating.
Over the weekend, my grandma's health deteriorated even more. (She has asthma and COP, she was fine and then all of a sudden in the spring of last year, her health and breathing just fell out. And the doctor's can't figure it out because her lung function is better now, than it was a few years ago, when she was mobile, independent, swimming every day, going shopping.. etc etc.. so we brought her here to Philadelphia where we have better hospitals and doctors who aren't going to kill her. (another long story)
So she's been here since the week before Christmas and I'm STILL trying to unpack all her crap and find places for it. The house is a disaster because stuff is everywhere.. but anyway.. my mom takes her to the dr on Tuesday night and he sends her immediately to the hospital. Her oxygen levels are too low.
My brother comes home that same night and tells me HIS job is thinking about doing part time or temporary layoffs (he's a roofer.. can't work when it snows every few days). We've decided to keep this from my mom, because it might not even happen, and what's the point in worrying her more if it might not happen?
So my grandmother is still in the hospital.. first they thought she had a minor heart attack, and then they thought that she had a major heart attack at some point last year.. and then did a heart catheter and found.. nothing.
Back to square one.
My job is frustrating and stressful right now because.. well, I do the work of 2 people. But only get paid the salary of one person.
And when I get stressed, the muscles in my chest tighten and squeeze. It's highly uncomfortable, and sometimes hard to breathe. We suspect I have Chest Wall Syndrome (my dad had it) but I have to have an ultrasound done on my heart to make sure I don't have mitrolvalve something or other.
And all I want to do.. is eat everything, Honestly, not only do I not know how to deal with stress, I don't even know how to let things go that I have no control over. How do you relax and let go? How do you combat stress. Someone please tell me how to make the squeezing in my chest go away so I can breathe, LOL!
(Oh, and I can't meditate. It makes me physically ill.
)
Any suggestions? I am an uptight person when things crash down like this... I literally feel like I am wound up too tight.. like a clock.
LR
Dealing with Stress?! :(
