Has for the amount of food I make I make a larger portion because we have two kids and we never know how much they will eat. I also use food and food proportions as a way to get over my past. Way TMI but I was neglected as a child and usually went a few days in between meals. Now as an adult I always make sure there is plenty enouh food for everyone to eat as much as they want. I am also a bad judgement on how much to cook for so many people and I need to get better at that.
While you are making these big shifts in your lifestyle this could be the perfect moment to try to address this habitual behaviour also. You don't want to raise obese children either, so it's potentially harmful for their future needs to under-restrain what they eat also.
Do some research to weigh out and portion out sufficient food for you for weight loss and for your husband and children for weight maintenance, plus a margin of error of something like 10%, 20%, whatever you think is a reasonable starting point, so there is some seconds but it's not another whole plate full of food. Pack the cupboards with good foods and say oh sorry kids, there's no more spaghetti, but there's simply loads of apples. If there's plenty of variety of nourishing foods in the house then they either eat them or they don't, but you are offering the opportunity for them to have as much as they need, just offering it in a different structure. It's very useful for them to learn that meals end when you are fed and watered but not stuffed, but if you are still genyinely hungry there's plenty of nuts, fruit, salad, rice cakes, yoghurts, etc. and they will not go without.
Megan, I just want to give you a big (((hug)))!!! I also sometimes went hungry for days as a child, and it has been very difficult for me to have a healthy relationship with food as an adult. I am very lucky that none of my children are or have ever been overweight. I went out of my way to make sure they had tons of food and not always the best choices.
I know that wasn't any help as far as your current situation with your husband, I just wanted you to know that I can sympathize with your other issue and give you a (((hug))).
My husband and I are both working at weight loss, but our goals and our strategies are very different. In the past we both would use the other's behavior as an excuse for our own. If one of us was "off" our food or exercise plan, the other jumped off too - as a result we were off plan twice as often as we would have been on our own.
But when we tried to "help" the other person stay on track, no matter how hard we tried to do it gently, it just felt like nagging and criticism.
Maybe some couples can handle being food and exercise cop for each other - we couldn't. It just made weight loss miserable for both of us.
When it comes to food, we're now more like room mates than spouses. What I mean is that we tend to fend for ourselves for most meals. And when one of us does cook, we don't tell the other what or how much to eat.
If hubby eating off-plan (or at least off my plan) triggers my appetite, I'll leave the room and do something else. I'm not perfect at it, neither of us are, but we've both made enough progress to each have lost more than 80 lbs, but we didn't do it together, our journeys were parallel more than intertwined.
Now getting fat, we do very well together, so we did have to drastically tone down the "food is celebration, food is adventure" aspect of our relationship. For the first few months (heck probably the first year) it seemed that food and fat jokes were all we had in common, but we got through that patch.
For me, it was important to stop seeig support as meaning "doing everything I want him to, the way I want him to." There were a lot of his behaviors that I blamed for my own, and called it lack of support.
A funny example - We both love kettle cooked chips (it's the only real snack chip I've ever liked - that and Sun Chips, which I convinced myself were healthy). In the past, we would each buy a bag (a 5 to 7 ounce bag - which was supposed to be 5 - 7 servings). Hubby would finish his in one sitting, and I'd take two or three days to finish mine (even for me that's a lot of calories coming from chips).
It's easier for me to not eat them at all, because once I start, I won't stop. Hubby now eats them like I used to, and that's good progress for him, and saving him 600 calories, but I saw it as a "lack of support," even more so than eating the whole bag in one sitting (because I was hearing that half-eaten bag of chips calling to me. How dare hubby not do without his chips altogether so I wouldn't be tempted, or at least he could finish off the bag so there wasn't any left for me).
When hubby didn't say anything about my eating, I viewed it as "enabling," and when he did try to remind me, I'd get furious that he was playing "food cop."
He didn't take criticism any better.
The way we do try to support each other is in noticing the other has lost weight. I noticed my hubby's t-shirts were fitting better and he was even wearing some that he couldn't get into just a few months before - I made a big fuss about how great he is looking. Hubby persuaded me to buy some new clothes because I didn't have anything that fit well (since my jeans weren't falling to the floor, I thought I could get away with wearing them longer - though the only reason they weren't falling to the floor is because I bought a belt to cinch them up with).
But when it comes to our food, we've got to stay out of the other person's plan or we just end up angry.
I'll apologize in advance for not reading the replies, so bare with me if I repeat or go off topic.
I have this EXACT issue, the only difference, my DH doesn't want to lose weight. So I decided long ago that I have to be selfish. This isn't about him, it's about me, my health and my desire to be thin. I make a number of dishes that we can both eat and if he wants more then he can have more, but I don't have to. If he doesn't want what I'm cooking, then he knows where the kitchen is and I can make whatever I need to to be on my plan. Occassionally, some things can be made that can be altered to fit his preffered eating habits, like more cheese, add meat, or whatever, but I don't have to partake in those things. I have my plan, I follow it and I have to be strong enough to ignore whatever items are brought into the house that aren't on my plan. I know that I'm completely over simplifing things, but really it is that simple. You have to want it more than anything else and be will to develop a plan that works for YOU. And as much as I'd love for him to join me on this journey, and have expressed that to him, I know better than anyone that we can't force people to do things until they want it bad enough. It's like trying to have an intervention with an alcholoic when they haven't hit rock bottom. I tried many diets before and none of them worked until I was ready. So if you're ready and he's not - go for it!
I'm living in the same situation. My boyfriend and i live together, he is about 40 lbs overweight and i thought that him seeing me eat healthy would prompt him and couldn't understand why it didn't. Now i know, he's 42 and set in his ways. I gained about 10 lbs. since we started dating a year ago and finally hopped back on the wagon saying if i keep going down this road with him i'll be back up the 70 lbs. that i lost years ago! It wasn't worth it to me so now i'm doing ww on my own. He occasionally has good days and loses a couple of lbs. and i hear about it for a week but then says screw it and eats whatever. I have however, cut down and not buying the chips, ice cream or snacks that he wants. he can get those
I feel your pain!!!!
Last edited by pointspluspioneer; 12-14-2010 at 04:12 PM.
i'm sort of the same way, but my husband is pretty supportive. i've never been a big fan of ice cream until i got married! this man could eat ice cream for dessert three meals a day and not gain a pound! i just had to find the strength to say no when he asks if i want to go get some after dinner. basically, it's all your choice!
Every evening my husband settles down to a series of snacks. He starts with a few peanuts, then moves on to some fritos and bean dip. Then maybe he'll make himself some popcorn. He seriously eats all evening.
I don't. Sometimes I want to, but I just don't. I know that if I want to see nice things on the scale in the morning, I just can't. I don't get mad at him, or try to police his eating. We just are on different paths. He isn't fat. He's not skinny, but fat is not a word I would use. Slightly overweight maybe.
You could try not to buy the stuff, and some of the other great suggestions given here, but the bottom line is you chose your attitude about it. You might just have to find a way to ignore it like I do. I think sometimes it's easy for us to get upset because other people are doing the things we wish we could be doing...but you just have to remember what YOU want. YOU want to lose weight. You have to make that happen, whatever it takes.
My husband has terrible eating habits, but is tall and skinny, tho he is developing some luv handles now.
He tends to eat a lot of carbs, lots of junk. BUT, he also skips meals, forgets to eat etc.
When we met, he ate few veggies.
I take credit for the fact he eats whole grain bread, lots of veggies, and a bit less junk. But that was all before I started my weight loss journey. I gained over 50 pounds in our 25 years together, and he has rarely criticized.
SO it doesn't seem fair to expect him to stop eating junkie snacks and ice cream etc.
For a while we had a lot less in the house, and he will sometimes get stuff I don't like very much, so I am less tempted, but in the big picture, its my problem not his.
On the other hand, he is really good about suggesting going for walks etc, so I get more active. WHen the kids were younger, he would often say after supper, he would do dishes with the kids if I wanted to go for a walk before dark, so there was good support there.
Our expectations of support are just that, expectations, and we can't make it happen, just like we weren't ready to lose weight until we were ready.
good luck navigating your weight loss
Megan, good for you for being able to abstain from eating it. My DH has had weight issues but is now of a normal weight, and he does eat things I wouldn't quite regularly. I look it as a lesson in self control. I have two kids (as I see you have too) and pretty much there are always going to be things in the house that I choose not to eat. Everyday I felt awesome when I stayed on plan - I congratulated myself on getting through another day. Eventually, it just became second nature. There's always going to be temptations out there - whether at home or at a corner store...so learning to say no is a really big thing - sounds like you're doing great!!
I haven't experienced this, but thinking back to when I was in a relationship, I imagine it would be so much harder for me to lose weight because my ex can eat anything and he was slim, he loved cooking and feeding me, and I liked to cook too, so eating and cooking was a big part of our relationship, he also likes a "thicker" woman so when I would say I need to lose weight, he would kinda be like "Uhh why?" or "You look hot to me" or "Fine but please don't get small breasts" lmao. So thinking of that, I can imagine how it would be frustrating or make you complacent if your partner is not supportive, whether it is more in a negative way or he thinks you're fine.
I think in relationships though you HAVE to communicate. You can't be secretly upset with the other person, you have to air out your feelings. While you are a couple though, he is his own person and you can't force him to see the light and start being healthier,he is going to come to that in his own time but I would tell him how hard I'm trying and if he could refrain from bringing tempting foods around. I would also try to muster up resolve and ignore him and his bad foods. I just graduated college and still live at home. fortunately though, my sister and mom are on the weightloss journey with me so I have more motivation and we're all eating healthier except my dad who is slim so he thinks he can eat whatever and does just that. My dad goes as far as to ask me if I want some of his xyz or he will wave it infront of me singing "Temptationnn"...it is so childish but I guess I don't take offense to this because my resolve is STEEEEL at this point. I think we all will have challenges and sometimes when we're ready for change our loved ones aren't, but that's when we stick to our own guns and live and let live.
If your husband is telling you that you should eat more or criticizing your food choices then I think you have a legitimate beef and should talk to him about it.
On the other hand, if he isn't commenting on what you eat but is simply eating what he wants to then I don't really think you have the right to expect him to change his eating habits to make it easier on you. If you have gone on a diet that is great but if he hasn't then he could resent you telling him he can't eat what he wants. Now, it may be possible to work out something. "Honey, I know you love to have these snacks but it makes it so hard for me not to eat them when I see you eat them. Is there any way you can eat them in another room?"
I am finding the biggest obstacle I have in my weight loss journey is my husband. Both of us are overweight and we both say we want to lose some weight and get healthy but only I am actually doing something about it. I try and cook healthy and when I serve up food I make sure there is more veggies then meat on the plat and less carbs, etc. However my husband will get up and pile on tons more food and go back for seconds and sometimes even thirds and pile the plate high each time. I just cringe when I look at how much food he piles on his plate and consumes.
My issue with my husband right now is when I am trying to be healthy he isn’t. When I am sitting on the couch munching on carrots he goes into the kitchen and finds cookies, brownies, or whatever and sits right next to me and mow down on it right next to me. I will be eating a pear and he will go make fried noodles. It is starting to get really difficult to not lash out at him or just say screw it and eat the cookies or whatever.
I just want to be healthy. I hate being as big as I am and I just wish I could get a little help from my husband. Has anyone else had to deal with this and if so what did you do?
I don't really understand guys like that, who can't be supportive in a situation like this, much less if he himself needs to lose weight. This person is selfish and doesn't understand you. That's why I'm not really looking for a relationship, much less a serious one. I'm mostly looking for an affair on dating sites, for example on Uberhorny. I used to be shy about it because I thought it was wrong. But who cares? When the time comes, I will build a serious relationship, but right now I just want to have fun for myself https://hookup-insider.com/reviews/uberhorny.
