Interesting thread. I have recently come to understand that I really don't love food at all. When I gained all of my weight, I did so through sneak eating, and I ate junk, food I would never eat when I wanted something to eat. During binges, it was always the cheapest instant crap, mostly sweets....again food I did not normally eat. It was a punishment to eat like that, to make myself so full I felt sick. It was like a drug, a need....a way to not deal with something I should have dealt with.
Been there, done that! The day before I "go on my big strict diet" is always the day I eat crap that I don't even like, because "I won't be able to eat it after today". Ugh.
I'd also like to know how you managed to convince yourself that a 4oz steak is just as glorious as a 12oz steak.
I love the eating experience so much that I am THRILLED to give up even my most favorite foods to be able to eat. My meals are ridiculously huge, but they're generally not very exciting low-cal foods. And that is just fine with me. I don't care so much about the taste, I just want to eat. When I wonder what I want for dinner I think 1) How MUCH can I eat and 2) How LONG will it take me to eat it. My favorite snack is 240cal worth of air-popped popcorn. That's a looooot of damn popcorn, big big big bowl. It takes me an hour to eat. That's 60 minutes of constant hand to mouth action and even though air-popped popcorn gets old after awhile, I would choose 60 minutes of eating a bland food over 2 minutes of eating a really delicious food any day.
I calorie count, and I follow the philosophy that a calorie is a calorie. If I want to eat my day's calories in chocolate cake, I'll do it. Unfortunately, that's not enough chocolate cake to fill me up. I'd much rather be stuffed full of a large amount of low cal foods than still hungry after eating my favorite foods. Fortunately, low cal foods are usually good foods. Unprocessed, lean proteins, complex carbs, fiber, etc.
As it is, I don't feel too compelled to change. I'm eating healthy foods, I've found a way to compromise with myself where I can eat A LOT, and I'm maintaining my goal weight. No need to fix what isn't broken...but sometimes I do with I could simply be happy with small portions of very yummy food.
That's 60 minutes of constant hand to mouth action and even though air-popped popcorn gets old after awhile, I would choose 60 minutes of eating a bland food over 2 minutes of eating a really delicious food any da
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I calorie count, and I follow the philosophy that a calorie is a calorie. If I want to eat my day's calories in chocolate cake, I'll do it. Unfortunately, that's not enough chocolate cake to fill me up. I'd much rather be stuffed full of a large amount of low cal foods than still hungry after eating my favorite foods. Fortunately, low cal foods are usually good foods. Unprocessed, lean proteins, complex carbs, fiber, etc
I feel precisely the same way. Which I guess goes in line with what the OP says.
She (we) oves (enjoys) eating, not just necessarily food.
Which is why when I devised my plan I knew that I'd have to initially give up the junk, sugar, flour, etc and turn to lower calorie items. I love, I mean enjoy (), eating sooo much, that I want it to last. I want a lot of it. I want it to take some time and not be over with in seconds.
That's why I don't do those 100 calorie packs, cheese sticks, cereal bars, etc. They're over with in a second, I feel as if I haven't eaten. I need/require/like/want volume.
I love the eating experience so much that I am THRILLED to give up even my most favorite foods to be able to eat. My meals are ridiculously huge, but they're generally not very exciting low-cal foods. And that is just fine with me. I don't care so much about the taste, I just want to eat. When I wonder what I want for dinner I think 1) How MUCH can I eat and 2) How LONG will it take me to eat it.
Interesting cos I am 100% the opposite, I really cannot be bothered to chow through a huge pot of cottage cheese and I feel deprived to have all this low fat dairy (=food without taste!) instead of real food. I'd rather sit down to a 2oz steak in pepper sauce than a giant salad. I try to balance the two so I don't go hungry, but for me it's the real thing every time, better two squares of real chocolate than a yoghurt.
One thing that clued me in that my bingeing was a regressive behavior & a way of avoiding dealing with issues was my food choices. I always wanted food that was comparatively childish. And sweet, sweet, sweet. I didn't binge on an excellent meal at a restaurant, but on stuff like cereal, those tricolor sugar wafers or Reese's peanut butter cups. Things that I ate freely without thoughts of consequences as a child. What I want is oblivion, a plunge into sweetness that narrows me down to one piercing, everlasting taste and a kind of unconsciousness. I'm not me, really. My identity nearly ceases. There is no past, no future. No consequences. I'm not thinking, I'm not doing, I'm just in this blissful state of simply BEING and TASTING.
In other words, I'm drugged out.
Which is why I keep thinking something like meditation might help me, as it seems to be a kind of not-being & existing in the present, but without using food as the agent of transport.
The other thing that helped was identifying two bad states of mind for me. One is agitation, anxiety and restlessness. I used to eat; now I find exercise burns off the overload of energy & nerves. The other is the opposite, a feeling of deep tiredness & immobility & wanting to be calmed & soothed. This is when food still calls to me.
