I have been struggling with my weight for a long time and for a lot of that time I didn't know exactly how to control it. Now I am doing calorie counting and things are moving along quite nicely. I can't really explain how I feel. The initial excitement is gone and has been replaced with an odd feeling. For the first time, I am not looking forward to the day I am "done" with the eating plan. I don't think I'll ever be done. I may get done losing weight but I don't look forward to ever going back to my old way of eating. I really don't mind being calorie conscious. To me, it's the end of hoping that one more diet will work, it does work and can work long term.

I was so worried when I ran out of gas on the excitement level that I'd just go off plan but now I don't even want to. I don't know, maybe life has taught me there's no time to waste...maybe this too shall pass and I'll just want to stuff my face again. I don't know. I do know that for right now what I am doing is preventing future health problems and will likely recover(at least a little) from what I've already been going through(that's a really long story so I won't go into it). I feel lucky to have this chance. I hope my friends and family who want/need to lose weight will take their opportunity to fight for their health and be conscious about what today's actions could mean to their future.

Like I said, I don't know if these feelings will last but I hope they will. Taking care of myself isn't a sacrifice. The truth is not taking care of myself is making a sacrifice, a sacrifice of myself and my health, and one that is for no good reason. Being healthy is a gift I am giving to myself, it's just a gift I have to earn. For now, I will stay on plan and pray that I don't ever give up this fight for my health.

Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves and be well!

You have come to a wonderful realization. And I am so happy for you.

Don't worry, this feeling won't leave you. It will just get more and more re-enforced as you go along. You're off to a great start, but honestly, the unbelievable rewards have yet to surface. And when they do, you will be so overwhelmed with delight and joy that you will want nothing to change it. It will propel you to keep on going and to stay there when you get there.

Not only will the rewards surface, so that the *sacrifices* will be paying off, but the *bad* habits will be more distant and the good habits will become more and more entrenched in you - making this whole process much easier and much more enjoyable.

There are wonderful things ahead of you. Just amazing, out of this world, incredulous things waiting for you. This is a wonderful time of self discovery and self growth. Enjoy the ride. It's like no other.

Gosh 4Star, I am so happy for you! I am going through pretty much the exact same thing thoughts and feelings right now, for the very first time in my entire life, and it is amazingly liberating. You reckon we finally "get it"?!!

I have to second Robin's post, but my reaction is interesting, I think, because I'm somewhere between you and Robin.

On the one hand, I second the notion that it only gets better and easier and that the desire to eat well only increases. Old eating habits do seem further away and the desire to go back to those days decrease.

However, Robin sounds so confident! That's where we differ. Again, I think it's because she has a few years on me. I am not confident YET that those days are behind me. I am, however, confident that I will one day be confident! LOL!

The rewards are plentiful well before reaching goal. I can not fathom ever going back because I'd be giving up so, so much joy. I have become me again! I have regained some independence I had lost due to self-confidence and self-esteem issues. I had a fear of the phone and this morning I made three phone calls to set up appointments. Previously I made my husband do it. That seems silly, I know, but I was a different person fat.

I'm so glad you've come to this realization! It's a huge mental shift and I believe it only gets easier once that shift happens.

Great! I hope that loving feeling lasts FOREVER!

I learned that during this whole lifestyle change thing, (I actually still like to use the word "diet" for some reason...you know, a rose is still a rose by any other name. ) that you go through a huge realm of emotions. Usually it starts with motivation, then morphs into commitment, and then when they wear out you gotta run on good old fashion perseverance. "Stick-to-it-ness".

Whatever it takes you just have to keep going. It sounds like you are finally realizing that. It ain't over til the fat lady sings.

I hope and pray this will be the end of feeling out of control in the weight loss department. I am not able to physically work off the amount of calories I need to lose weight so I must control what I eat.

I have had 4 surgeries in 5 years and have faced some pretty serious issues that I have been lucky enough to overcome. I just recently spent 2 months on strict bedrest and glad to have my life back. I am afraid (yes, I am an aries and admit I am afraid) of meeting the physical issue I won't be able to overcome. I hope it's old age. If it's not, I am determined to be in fighting shape when I have to face it. I realize this might be my last best chance to get into good shape before something else comes up, (like a knee replacement the docs say I will eventually need). I am aging, things are gonna come up, it's just a fact. What's also a fact is that what I do today can stack the deck in my favor a bit.

It's not always easy. I have had to find new ways to deal with disappointment and frustration besides comfort food but that never solved any of those problems anyway, it just made me feel worse. As people have said on here time and time again, "no one said it would be easy, they said it would be worth it."

I think for some of us, having those health issues as motivation is truly the straw that broke the camel's back. As a younger fat person, I did okay. I felt fine, I didn't have any mobility issues, my main motivation for weight loss was always, "yeah, someday in the future it won't be good, or boy wouldn't I look better on vacation if I lost some weight". Unfortunately, I guess none of that was the motivation I truly needed to make it stick.

At my highest weight just a few months ago, I was really starting to flirt dangerously with some serious health concerns, and I felt absolutely horrible all*the*time. Looking back, I acknowledge that I was basically lying there on the couch with a big mac and waiting for an early grave. This is absolutely terrifying for me to think back on, considering I am 39 years old and have a 9 year old daughter. Yeah, no going back, forward only. I am still close to 300 lbs, and already feel better and have made amazing progress with my "numbers" at the doc. I will be damned if I will ever feel that old way again.

What do I have to do to escape it? Count calories, eat delicious, fresh foods, get some movement every day. Sounds like a small price to pay having been where I was. I thank my lucky stars every day for that "click" that got me going. And the best thing is that I am enjoying my new healthy diet and exercise more than I ever could have imagined.

Beautiful! I loved this post.

And waiting to die? Yep, that was me. For me it was entirely wrapped up with my self-esteem, but I was having conversations with myself about how death would be ok with me. I welcomed it. And I wondered who would miss me, including my young children. I felt unloved because I could not love myself.

Never again!

It is a small price to pay for sustained mobility and not being diabetic, definitely.

I keep telling myself that everyday, "no going back, only forward". What is in the past is gone and today is all we have so we have to take it and make the most of it to get to a better future. I've had to leave a lot of hurt behind me, both emotional and physical. It isn't alway easy and sometimes I feel really vulnerable but I've come a long way so there's no reason to think any temporary negative feelings won't pass.

Throw me a lifeline, here. How long did it take to reach this point?

4star, I'm glad you posted this because I've been feeling the same way. The first two weeks of this were so hard, I was so hungry and feeling almost resentful that I had chosen to do this. Previously I would have fallen off the wagon and hard. But now...almost a month into it, I am totally okay and that feeling is scary. I'm starting to enjoy working out, yoga is getting easier and I'm starting to recognize the other gym regulars. Last night during yoga I thought about getting a 'cheat meal' at the burger place next door but by the time I walked out, the thought of all those carbs sitting in my stomach... totally grossed me out. It's slowly getting easier and feeling "natural" as opposed to a punishment.

They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. I have been back on the wagon for almost a month now. I am feeling the changes and seeing weight loss. It feels totally sustainable b/c I can eat enough to get satisfied and I don't have to derail my weightloss to do it. I think the first week was the hardest for me. It just feels normal now.

I told my hubby yesterday that the new restaurants in our area I wanted to try will have to wait. I just really can't see eating almost a whole day's calories in a meal. I especially don't want to do that when I am trying to get out of the obese category. It's just not worth the setback right now to eat out. I haven't felt comfortable about eating in public for a long time now anyway. I can wait until I can afford to work in those calories.

I'm so glad you posted this, 4star.

I feel the same way. I also think it's sustainable.

I had a huge medical scare about a year ago that made me take a look at my eating habits seriously. I had been previously working on losing weight, but I wasn't committed to making some radical changes to get thin.

Seeing the effects of could be coming down the line in terms of health, getting more proactive with my doctors, and finally telling myself this is IT -- I can tell you that a year into a radical health change, those habits and choices become more and more of who you are and you fall less and less into the old habits that made you overweight.

I'll stress that there is an emotional/psychological component to this. It's not just habits either.

For me, I had to face that I'm not like that mythical person that can eat whatever they want and never gain any weight and be perfectly healthy. I had to face that my body is different, that my body reacts in particular ways that make eating whatever I want impossible to be fit and healthy.

I think I had to mourn that part of my "dream" to be that type of person and the unfairness of it.

The biggest thing that affected me psychologically was the realize that I could be hungry -- feel hunger -- and that wasn't a bad thing. I didn't need to feel over-stuffed in order to be okay. Food is always available (I'm lucky and grateful) and I will give my body the food it needs, not necessarily the food it wants.

Now, I look back and I can't believe I ate the crap that I ate. I haven't had soda in over a year and I don't miss it at all (I used to drink diet coke all the time). I used to crave cake and just yesterday I had a mini-cupcake (one of those fancy things that they sell nowadays) and I was disappointed. I expected it to taste better, to melt in my mouth, to get that sugar high that I used to get off it.

Exercise-wise, I've made it just a natural part of my day. I plan around my exercise, not exercise around my day. It's become a habit, like brushing my teeth or doing laundry. I may not love it always, but it's something that I do.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will go back to the way that I was before. But then I think of things like that mini-cupcake and my reaction to it and I know I won't go back to the way I used to eat/perceive food. It's a different ball game now.

What I am afraid of is if I can make it down to my goal weight because I am fighting PCOS and I get scared that I can't make it down. It's been hard, even with the radical food changes. The weight doesn't come off easily.

Thanks 4star