I’m the co-leader of a TOPS (take off pounds sensibly) group here in my town and next week I’m giving the program. What I want to talk about is the commitment it takes to lose weight verses motivation, which as we have heard numerous times from our own RockinRobin is fleeting at its best.
What got me thinking about doing a program on this topic is that in my own life I really think I’ve finally grasp that this is about commitment and consistency and not about willpower and motivation. I see a major disconnect with so many of my TOPS members; they try to remain motivated rather than make a commitment to their weight-loss.
There are some women (and men) who go to TOPS who have gone for years and years and have never reached their goal weight, or have reached it and gained it back. There are some who lose and gain the same 10lbs for years and years. Although we also have KOPS (who “keep off pounds sensibly) and maintain their goal weight, for some TOPS is more of a social group than a weight loss support group. I’m sure we have seen that here with our own 3FC members. And while socializing is fantastic and a needed outlet for people, the reason we join weight groups and forums is because we have weight issues that NEED resolving.
So, I’m writing to you all for some help in coming up with a program that will be fun and interactive, and not sound like I’m preaching **** and damnation to these wonderful people whom I care so much about.
I would love to hear your words on how losing weight isn’t about being motivated but about being committed. Or in actuality does commitment and motivation go hand in hand? And if so how do you turn your emotional motivations into consistent action?
Any thoughts or ideas will be greatly appreciated.
For me it's a daily battle. I wake up each morning in a new day and have to make choices. Whether good or bad and be accountable for them. I do find that it has gotten easier. As far as commitment or motivation. I think maybe the motivation was what first got me going but then commitment came in from behind and that is what keeps me going. I have made a commitment to myself to be a healthier me. Which hopefully keeps me around long enough to enjoy my granddaughter and future grandkids. Maybe even could get rid of some of the meds I am currently taking.
Don't know if this helps or not but its how I feel.
I can't help thinking that sometimes we make such an effort to be committed that we end up continually obsessed with what are we going to eat today? I have found just recently that it is better to have a good diet already in hand and "settled" and then to put my mind to what else I want to do that day.Also to stop treating any diversion from the "programme" as if it is a mortal sin! Yes, we may well feel a bit disappointed in our momentary loss of committment but it's not the end of the world. Just resolve to adjust the rest of the day and get back to it. Moreover a good idea of how and why we want to get slim and trim is so we can FEEL better and even LOOK better which also means an altering of a negative outlook about ourselves to the positive - I KNOW I CAN DO IT!
(Not trying to be preachy, it's what I tell myself)
@want2bfit4me, I can sure relate to it being a daily battle. Making a commitment to be healthy and live a really long time is one of my main goals. Thanks for replying.
@emaline, I agree that it is so important to have a plan. Since recommitting myself, I've started to make a weekly menu and for the first time actually count my calories in advance of eating them. This has helped me so much, even if I didn't get my beloved piece of Dove dark chocolate tonight because I didn't want to go over my set calorie limit.
A momentary loss of commitment might not be a mortal sin and you certainly shouldn't beat yourself up, but instead get back on your program. However, what if that momentary slip of commitment turns into years and years? I've seen this in myself and in so many others. It's the loss of commitment that I really want to address. Thanks
To me, losing motivation leads to giving up on a diet. I'm MOTIVATED to go on this run, to stick to this diet.
Losing your commitment is giving up on yourself. Even if I lose my motivation and want to ditch this diet, it's my commitment to MYSELF that makes me get back on the wagon and take care of myself like I deserve. It's what makes me still choose healthy options, even on a free day. It's out of a sense of owing it to myself, rather than a sense of guilt because the diet deities are going to frown on me.
I don't know if that makes any sense outside of my head.
Last edited by DaughterOfVenus; 09-08-2010 at 08:14 PM.
So like a year ago, I did a workshop on commitment for my sorority sisters (who were having a little bit of trouble showing up to important events!). Its a set of five questions that I stole from some commitment work-shop for when your boyfriend doesn't commit. It was helpful in chapter because it made people realize that commitment is hard but not impossible, as well as giving them a chance to relook at their original goals and ideas. And I'm not going to be offended if you hate my idea but I saw positive changes in my sisters afterwards. So it might work for your group.
Basically, its a series of five questions, which I changed from why you should come to my sorority events to why continue to lose weight:
1) Reflect: What brings you here? What made you decide to lose weight this time? If given the chance to walk away right now, would you?
2)Consider: What gets in the way of losing weight? What are you biggest events that make you go off-plan? What emotions do you face when you want to go off-plan? What emotions do you face afterwards?
3) Reconsider: What excuses are YOU letting get in the way? How could you reorganize your life and your plan to make it easier to stick with? How can you make this a priority in your life?
4) Realize: What are you losing from being overweight? What dreams are you putting off to continue being overweight?
5) Decide: What can you do to ensure you stay committed to weight loss? What dreams do you have for your life being at a healthy weight? What steps can you make to bring everything you have to staying committed?
From my perspective, slip-ups HAPPEN. To everyone. So if you are relying solely on motivation, this can be a deal-breaker.
You start out because of some provoking event on your weight loss path, hooray. You're going along swimmingly, you're on plan, you're seeing results, and you're motivated. Something happens and you have a little slip-up. In my experience, the BIGGEST motivation suck is a slip-up. You fall into a rut of being off plan, waiting for that same "let's do this" attitude to magically float out of nowhere, while in the meantime, you are continuing to pile on motivation-killer after motivation-killer...lack of exercise means regaining your momentum is hard, bad food choices leave you sluggish and bloated and not really wanting to move, but also trigger food cravings. You keep piling on those motivation killers, while waiting for your motivation to come back...doesn't make sense, right?
Compare that to a commitment-based plan. You start out the same way, highly motivated. You are going to have that slip-up, most likely, commitment or not. Your motivation is going to flag, based on that slip-up. But because you're committed, you get back on your plan anyway. And what happens? You get your motivation back, because you're eating healthy foods, giving yourself energy, and seeing results.
I think I can say I learned the hard way that, for me, motivation wanes but commitment is what you have to have to sustain any kind of success. Fifteen years ago I lost 150 pounds and I was very motivated by a false sense of what I thought weight loss would be. Stupidly I thought when I got to goal weight that everything would work out. I bought into, "if I was only thin" then I would have no problems and even the world would be more peaceful. I don't know why I thought all this silliness.
I guess my point being is now that I have started to eat healthier and have been losing weight that I realize how important commitment is. If I am going to lose weight and keep it off I have to be committed to MYSELF and realize that losing the weight is for me and the quality of my life. There are countless wonderful reasons to get healthy and when I became committed to caring about myself the sense of "white knuckling" for willpower went away. I am doing it for me and I am realizing I like me.
I think motivation, for me, got me started but commitment is the staying power that will keep me going for life. There has to be commitment to give the staying power to continue a life long change.
Hope this makes some sense.
Last edited by bonnie2009; 09-08-2010 at 11:46 PM.
If you wanted to put this in activity form, you might try starting with asking people what things kill their motivation. You're likely to get answers like:
-Stress/busy life
-Not seeing results fast enough
-Tired/don't feel well
-Past failures/lack of confidence in ability to lose weight
-Food Cravings
Maybe list them all down. Then go through, and point out all of the ways that going off of plan makes the issue worse, not better.
Stress - Exercise is a great stress reliever, and taking care of your health gives you things you can control, unlike other stressors.
Tiredness/Sluggishness/Busyness - eating well and exercise gives you more energy and allows you to get more done.
Lack of confidence in ability - not continuing on plan will just reaffirm the idea that you aren't capable.
Not getting results fast enough - You're certainly not going to see better results if you're off plan!
Cravings - Eating off plan foods triggers cravings for those foods to continue, as your blood sugar spikes and drops or you develop a taste for saltier/fattier/sugary foods.
i'm not sure what i would call it. whatever makes you choose to do it when you dont want to.
for instance, i needed major improvement in consistency in my exercising. it's all over the place, alot 1 week none next 2 weeks...so i decided everyday i would exercise. alot, a little, something. best case scenario i'm w/o at home hour or more, feeling the burn. on other days, i'm getting ready for bed and havent done anything. so i do some lower body exercises like squats before bed. or maybe i'm really tired. i do some bridges, lifting booty when you are in crunches position. i do that right on the bed, then go to sleep. i'm working on my lower body, but w/e works for you.
the important thing is to review your day. how will you do better tomorrow? or maybe just 5 min. a day is a great starting point. everyone has 5 min.
you might try a few mental exercises i learned from a great podcast. you write down your away motivation(or w/e you want to call it) this means the place/feeling we want to run from. feeling embarrassed in social situations because of wt, clothes dont fit, a certain number.
we lose a few pounds, get a little farther from that thing we are running from, yet still many # from our goal, and we start slacking. are pants fit its ok to eat that cake, just 1 piece...
toward motivation is a positive goal. we want to look great in a swim suit, fit into our skinny jeans, or maybe we just want to fit in an airplane seat. we write in detail about our specific goals. what does it feel like? how do we act? what do we see?
then work on plans of how to reach your goal.
also, for these times in your life when you feel like you've made a mistake. think about what happened, and how did you feel? redo the situation in your head. what would you do differently? how would you feel? replay that in your head several times. doing this before bed combined with journalling can help us change our thinking. the redo and setting goals with a plan, all can be done in other areas of our life too.
I think it's also vital to point out, that it (this journey,getting & keeping our weight to a healthy number) is worthy of the commitment. And worthy of the time, energy, effort, thought, planning, preparation, dedication, and of course commitment that is needed to get it done.
I am also a fan of analogies and think it would be useful - comparing the time and commitment spent on our marriages, our careers, our households, finances, friendships, etc... We wouldn't think of slacking on those things... but when we do - they suffer.
More analogies. Things that are important and that matter, like this, commitment is needed. We don't throw in the towel if we bounce a check, miss a deadline, don't visit an ill friend, let the laundry pile up. We don't throw our hands up and say, "that's it, I'm done'". No we strive to do better and do our best to avoid such *mistakes* again.
I don't know about a program, per se, but you can sure share my story if you want.
I have failed at this numerous times in the past. I would lose 30 pounds very slowly and with lots of exercise, but the loss was too slow for my taste, so I quit and gained it all back. I was convinced, CONVINCED that I was broken. I even had a name for what made me broken! PCOS or insulin resistance.
On this site someone my first day had the quote in their signature "A year from now you'll be glad you started today." That quote got me thinking and I latched onto it. I wanted to see where I would be if for one year I did not give up but kept plugging along at that plan. How much could I lose?
So I made a COMMITMENT to do this for one year, full well knowing I'd be happy with my results and would continue after the year was up. But just as we tell people not to look so much at their final goal but at smaller goals like every five pounds, looking at a lifetime of this was too overwhelming. So I decided to break it down by the year. I'm taking this one year at a time.
The results have been better than I expected. Yes, I naively thought I'd be 100 pounds lighter by this November. That's not going to happen. But gosh, I've lost nearly 70 pounds in 10 months time! I'm not going to quibble about that! And the moment I decided to commit to this, fully and completely commit no matter what, the scale lost all its power. It didn't matter that I'd gained or maintained a few pounds. I couldn't quit. So I was able to look at the scale and say "Huh, interesting" instead of chucking it.
That's what COMMITMENT has done for me.
Motivation is waning. I am UNmotivated this week because of allergies. But allergies don't fit in with my plan, so I'm up and at it anyway, even though my heart is not in it. I'm on plan.
So many good ideas here! To my mind's eye, both commitment and motivation are required for this weight loss adventure (and for many, many others as well!)
To me, motivation speaks to the longer-term images: how I'll feel when I've lost weight, how I'll look in a particular outfit, what I'll be able to do once I feel healthier.
Commitment is in the day-to-day decision-making process: do I exercise or not? do I eat this particular food? The commitment is stronger if it is based on knowledge, so I track and look for trends - what makes me feel bloated? do I feel tired after I eat a certain food? how great do I feel after I've exercised!?! If I go from past experience with other things, eventually the decision exercise will be automatic (i.e. I won't have to convince myself to exercise!). But until then, it's the commitment that keeps me going. I find that if I sit down to identify it, I will remember the motivation (i.e. lowering my BP, etc.), but it's not top of mind on a continual basis. Maybe that means I'm a control freak?!?
Motivation vs Commitment
