I didn't know where else to put this
Hello, Call me Crystal, I’m a 21 year old college student hoping to one day become a veterinary pathologist. I love animals, mainly for how honest and nonjudgmental they are in contrast to people. Most people give me weird look when I confess my fondness of animals over people but every once in awhile I get the nod of “I know what you mean… PEOPLE SUCK!”
I wasn’t born fat, and I wasn’t a fat or even chubby child. In fact, I remember the adults always commenting on how skinny I was. Not that I was abnormally thin or anything, just a normal sized child. It wasn’t until puberty and self esteem problems kicked in that I began binge eating. I wont even confess how much I would/and can eat in a day, but I am pretty sure some of you here understand.
In middle school I always thought myself to be fat, but it wasn’t until high school that other people began to voice their opinions on it as well. I’ve heard it all-the animal names, the sly comments, the jokes, ect.. And to be completely honest, even after so many years, all those comments still affect me. I remember family members, friends sect.. everyone had something to say. Yes, ah family, even though all the women in my family are big too and have no room to talk! Everyone thinks it is a genetic thing, but the truth is- I’m not big boned, muscular or “hefty”-I am FAT. I have an excessive amount of subcutaneous fat and it is from how much I eat and how little I exercise. I am just now coming to terms with the word “fat” for many years whenever people mentioned my weight I would cry. You’d think after what, nine years of being a big girl I’d be use to it right? Apparently not. I hate even bringing the subject up. I need to accept myself yes but this body-it’s not me. I do not identify with being a big woman-inside, I feel like a skinny woman that has deformed her body by stuffing her face day after day.
At the end of high school and beginning of college I developed what I like to call “borderline bulimia” See I would start to purge after some of my binges, however it’s not true bulimia because well, one I am still fat, and two I don’t always purge every time plus I don’t always ,uh, get everything up. But this little thing, actually made me lose some 15 or so and my family was all over it happy that I dropped a few(they didn’t know) and because I had just binged that day on ramen, I knew if I gained it all back what would they say? So I went into the bathroom, and upchucked the thing down the sink, silently without anyone knowing. Now when I say I am fat- I mean it-I’m not one of those anorexic chicks who call themselves fat when they are are skinny as runway models, no I actually am fat. I am 5 3’’, a size 12/10 ish, and weigh 175. I am FAT. And it is my own doing.
I hate when people tell me how to lose weight-as if I didn’t already know! Come on! I’ve been fat half my life, I’ve heard every trick, gotten advice from people when I never asked for it in the first place, I know how to lose weight-the problem is my self control and getting off my fatass and DOING IT. It’s not that I never realized that if you eat less and exercise you’ll lose weight. I mean come on really? I hate it when people come up all serious and they’re like “if you eat less, and skip desert, and just do 30 min a day of exercise…” WOW Really? Because I am so incredibly naive I NEVER knew that! Thanks! As if the media didn’t tell me that EVERY DAMN DAY, there’s like no way I would ever know that!
Sarcasm aside, I need to lose the pounds-and not by dieting, but by a lifestyle change. I’ve made a weightloss blog in efforts that if I reach out to random people to follow it maybe it will help me get jumpstarted. Once I get into the habit of eating smaller portions and (more importantly) exercising everyday, then I should be able to live normally as far as weight goes. I am young and should take advantage of my age to get these pounds of quickly and make healthy habits before I get older and it becomes harder.
Anyways, hate to spam, but would like it if other people here could uh get onto me and maybe follow the blog? I’ll also post here pretty frequently too. I should have joined a forum like this long ago!
It wont let me post the link to my weight loss blog so I'll try putting it in my profile or signature.
So yes, I totally understand the love of animals over people. 
What luck!!!! I will be bombarding you with questions!! 
So cool!!!!!! Unfortuneatly I cannot find where to PM, I am guessing that is because I am still new?