I was just wondering if those of you who are getting/have gotten more attention at lower weights have any resentment for the attention you get now, whether it's physical attraction or just being noticed by people in general?
Right now, I'm pretty good at being invisible, and I usually prefer it to being noticed, but every once in a while, it really starts to get on my nerves that I seem to be the one who doesn't count. Girls don't ask me for advice on boys (even though I've had a boyfriend for almost 7 years, they don't see me as their equal in that respect, I guess), boys always treat me like their friends, and I don't make friends anywhere nearly as easily as my pretty friends. It just starts to get old, you know? Never being noticed.
But anyway, I'm a little worried that when (and damnit, it is a when! ) I lose the weight, I'll still be angry with people for not noticing me when I was fat even though I'll be the same person.
I know all this is far away, but it's something I think about. When I was thin, I made friends so easily, and now people don't seem to see me. I just wonder if I'll ever be able to meet people without wondering, "Would you still be talking to me if I was fat?"
I know exactly what you are saying. I mean I've always made friends super easily because I'm a docile person and get along with everyone easily. However, I've never been noticed by any of my guys friends in a romantic way. Also, when my friends want to hook their guys friends up with people they always try to get them with our skinnier friends. It sucks.
I have a guy friend who I like and he acts like he likes me a lot but he's never tried to have a relationship with me. I think part of the reason for that is because of weight. So I've often wondered if when I lose weight (like you said it is when ) if he'll actually try to have a relationship with me and will I resent him for it. Because right now if that happened I think that I'd say well what was wrong with me a year ago? I'm the same person except I'm a lot smaller. It'd be hard for me not to think that was the reason and then it'd make me see him completely differently because the fact is I'm EXACTLY the same person.
It's possible that you won't be the same person when you lose the weight. It's possible that you will have more confidence and may possibly glow. People will gravitate to you and that's perfectly normal.
A lot of us use fat as a shield, completely without realizing it. I did! No one noticed me and I didn't want to be noticed. Now that I'm losing the weight, people are starting to notice me because I'm letting them.
So it's not a very good experiment.
Now for true friends, current friends, it shouldn't make a lick of a difference. I'd be angry if they treated me differently then and now. But as for new people, I have to give them the benefit of the doubt that they'd have befriended me fat. It's not their fault I wouldn't let them in.
Just something to think about. That's not necessarily the case with you.
At my biggest, I used to feel like the only attention I got was for being the biggest person in the room. Now, I get different attention, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. It gets a little tricky. I do know this, I liked a guy when I was at my biggest, he always thought i was "cool" but the more weight I lost, and the more interest he showed, I realized, if he didn't like me then, why the **** should he benefit from all my hard work? That was my opinion and experience. The more I got to know him, the more shallow I realized he was. I guess he was just a bad seed.
But in regards to the attention, I find it very interesting how people open/hold the door open for me, say random hello's, ask if I need help, seem to just remember me easier and it happens more frequently. Do I like that? A part of me wants to say "yes", but I can't help but feel sorry for the girl who was once invisible. I just know I'll never forget her. Best of luck on your goals, I hope this wasn't a depressing, or horrible response!
Sometimes I resent it. Since losing
weight I'm now more confident in wearing
a bikini and I don't like the attention from
the guys. What ticks me off the most is
when some of my guy friends at school
KNOW I'm engaged (or at least in a
relationship) and they still have the nerve
to call me sexy. It's definitely something
I have a problem with- my fiancé is
the only one who can call me that.
Well, after about two years at goal, I still resent it a little. I was just as nice, just as friendly, just as good a friend when I was fat as I am now. But the number of people interested in inviting me to do things, interested in including me in things, is vastly higher now than it ever was before. My husband has several friends he has known forever and their wives all pal around and do stuff. I was never invited along until I got close to my goal and then all of a sudden it was like I was part of the gang. Frankly, I have no interest in being friends with people who knew me before and chose not to be my friend. I'm not a big fan of shallow people, and I firmly believe that picking friends based on their weight is incredibly shallow.
Luckily, I'm happily married and don't have to deal with the guy issue, but I'm pretty sure that the same theory would apply to men. If you knew me before and looked past me because of my weight, then you just aren't going to be somebody I'm interested in.
I don't spend a lot of time worrying about this, but I think anybody who has lost a really large amount of weight is conscious of it.
But in regards to the attention, I find it very interesting how people open/hold the door open for me, say random hello's, ask if I need help, seem to just remember me easier and it happens more frequently. Do I like that? A part of me wants to say "yes", but I can't help but feel sorry for the girl who was once invisible. I just know I'll never forget her. Best of luck on your goals, I hope this wasn't a depressing, or horrible response!
I like that, but I hate hate HATE it at the same time. I almost feel like people are making fun of me when they do that, as *** backwards as that sounds. Like "ha ha lets make her think she's cute!" My inner fat girl lives on I suppose.
On one hand, I am sure that people made unfair assumptions about me based on my weight, and I certainly feel like they react differently to me now than they did before. On the other hand, I really can't throw stones, because I'm sure I've made snap judgments about people based on superficial things. In fact, I suspect I've made negative assumptions about people based on their weight, which is just ridiculous.
For example, I just got done with a week long workshop for teaching. I was in a room for a week with a bunch of teachers I didn't know going in. I noticed that I was more interested in cultivating the attractive people than the plain ones. There's more to attractiveness than just weight, but it is a factor. I took the attractive people a little more seriously, valued their opinion a little more. I was not happy with myself and made an attempt to adjust my reactions, but those reactions really were there.
Being more attracted to attractive people seems to be pretty hardwired into human nature. I think we all ought to do our best to overcome it, but I am not going to get mad at people for not having mastered that demon when I still wrestle with it myself.
I got a lot of unwanted attention when I was thinner. When I gained, the attention dissipated. Truth be told, I get really uncomfortable when people notice me at all.
I didn't intentionally gain, but I probably wouldn't have gained nearly so much if I hadn't liked being invisible. My "work mom" is the only person who notices the width of my posterior. I'll have to fight the urge to binge when someone else does.
I found this question on a site last night, I was looking for different dating advice but spotted this question and thought it gave a good answer. Basically, how we look is part of our package... I do resent it, but I realize the answer thats given is mostly right. it's sad looks and weight matter so much, but I guess it's something we have to accept, and it applies to dating and all other areas of life.
I'm with Brown all-around on this one; it seems hypocritical to me to resent people for being attracted to Thinner Me when I lost weight, in part, because I wanted to be more attractive. It isn't just "being shallow" (though some of it is): You also become more attractive partly because you're healthier, since we're biologically programmed to seek out people in good health. So the appearance side and the health side are strongly related and "shallow" is too blunt a term for a complicated distinction. I think I'm willing to call folks shallow when they're dismissive of people as people on the basis of appearance, when they're extremely judgmental about the appearance of others, cruel or catty about looks, or smug about their own appearance.
It's hugely important when it comes to a romantic partner; whatever weight the two of you are, you have to find the other one attractive. No one should want to be with someone who isn't attracted to them; and no one is fully in control of what attracts them. All of that seems OK to me.
i don't resent attention at all. It confuses me though, like yesterday i got hit on and i didn't realize until minutes later.. it just hadn't happened in so long. I don't think i could hold anyone against being attracted to me at a smaller size, after all I'm attracted to regular sized men.. so it would be very hypocritical.
I don't resent the attention. I miss it. I didn't gain alot of weight till after college. What I resented was how people started acting like I didn't exist as my weight crept up. I had been a healthy weight or slightly overweight my whole life until recently and didn't realize how aweful people are to those who struggle with their weight.
As crappy as it is to admit, when I was younger I somewhat let sterotypes color my perceptions of people despite the fact that my entire family is overweight and I have SEEN their struggle. I used to judge people when they ate crap, dressed poorly, and didn't exercise. I had overweight friends, but tended to have mostly healthy weight range friends. I was never mean to anyone, but I had mean thoughts that might have carried over to my interactions. I see that now. What I see now is that, my mother works at a hospital as a manager and physically runs her butt off every night, but still weighs in the 220s. She's not lazy or one to be ignored. She works nights and has a terrible metabolism. She fights for every pound. Me, I have been dieting for less than 7 weeks. Not even calorie counting or being obsessive. Just no junk food, no eating after dinner, and P90X. I've lost 21.4 pounds. Not many people can say that.
The thing I have learned from this, is that I don't have it bad and need to take better care of myself because I don't have the obsticles alot of people face. I have no excuse. That doesn't mean I'm better than anyone or that other people "aren't doing it right." It means that when I get down to a healthy weight again, I need to find a way to have a better body image, not make snap judgements when I see someone eating something other than a salad, and need to be even more aware of how I interact with people who stuggle.
Being ignored sucks. I think its sad that some of you are so used to being invisible, that you struggle with the attention and aknowlegement that comes with being "normal" and sexually viable.
I have to second what some others here have said. I think it's a tad unfair to be outright angry at people who knew you before and are now attracted to you because you're skinny (by you I mean people in general). It's a fact of life that most people are physically attracted to fit and healthy people. It's hardwired in our brains. Obviously there are exceptions, but that's generally the case. As a fat girl, it really sucks to have to face that fact. I've wondered countless times while talking with a guy in class or something....'if I weren't fat, would he ask me out?' The answer, sadly, is probably yes in a lot of cases.
I don't really think it's shallow though. Like other have said, physical attraction is a part of romantic relationships. If a guy's not physically attracted to me, then he's not. I don't really think it's a conscience decision. On the other hand, if a person (guy or girl) is rude to me because of my weight or tries to avoid hanging out (in a non-romantic way) with me because of it, that's shallow. I can't think of too many times where that's happened, but unfortunately it happens to a lot of us.
For me, the only way I'd be angry at someone after losing weight would be if they refused to be my friend or even notice my existence as a fat girl, but then suddenly they want to be my best friend now that I'm "attractive". THAT I wouldn't take. I guess that's just my thinking though.
It doesn't bother me. I didn't have people treat me poorly in general before, but I was certainly less confident and I am sure that impacted me getting less attention. But nobody in my life has changed the way they treat me. I dint imagine that a car full of kids will yell that I don't need pizza as they drive by (that happened once and made me cry) but that is a change in how jerky strangers act, not something that happens every day.
Anyway, I spent my fat years being sad about my appearance and I will be damned if I am going to spend the rest of my life wondering if people like me better because am thinner. People like me because I am funny and awesome. That is all.
Do you resent attention?
) I lose the weight, I'll still be angry with people for not noticing me when I was fat even though I'll be the same person.
) if he'll actually try to have a relationship with me and will I resent him for it. Because right now if that happened I think that I'd say well what was wrong with me a year ago? I'm the same person except I'm a lot smaller. It'd be hard for me not to think that was the reason and then it'd make me see him completely differently because the fact is I'm EXACTLY the same person.
People will gravitate to you and that's perfectly normal.
That's not necessarily the case with you.
It's definitely something
