You will succeed! I really feel for you. I'm sure it's really hard to not have his support. You just gotta tell your self that the "crap" is poison to your body and health/weight loss efforts. I mean be dramatic about it. Learn to hate the "crap" food. So much of weight loss is mental.
I can completely relate to what you're saying. When I first started making lifestyle changes my husband (now my ex), never said a word. I went from staying home, never leaving the house, and eating junk food all the time, to working out for 2 hours a day, taking the kids to the pool in the afternoons, and eating healthy and he never said a word. I went from 330 lbs to 160 lbs, and he never said a word. NEVER one single complement. Even when I would tell him how much I had lost each week. Nothing. It was very hurtful. The only time he would mention it is when he said that we couldn't go out and do fun things any more, because if I didn't want to go out to eat, then there was nothing else to do.
I know it's hurtful, but hopefully you can find ways to involve him in your new lifestyle. Maybe he will see the positive changes in you and begin to encourage and support.
I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one and you're definitely not alone.
Omg! See, that is what I am afraid of happening. I am afraid I will lose weight, and my husband won't even comment! It happened before when I had lost some weight. My husband only commented a year later when I he noticed I had gained weight! Ugh. So, did your husband ever acknowledge your transformation? That is just so crazy to me!
To everyone else....Wow. It is true- there is support here! That really has made me have a good outlook for today and hopefully from here on out! I actually was so upset about his lack of support that last night I ordered a pizza and ate til I was so sick! I kept waiting for him to comment. I thought surely he would think it was odd I was eating pizza! He never said a word. I guess he really is just not going to think too much about it one way or the other. Well, today is a new day. You are all right- I have to do this for myself. It would just be so nice not to have the temptation in the beginning at least. I am always my husband's personal cheerleader, and I guess I was hoping he would be mine.
I am sorry that you are going at this with no support from the person who should care the most. Losing weight is hard enough without the support of your Husband.
It's hard to get someone on board with your lifestyle change if they don't want to or need to change. But you have to look out for yourself sometimes you know?!?
Try and make little changes to your lifestyle so it doesn't seem like such a change for him. You can still eat your fave foods just in smaller portions, add extra veggies to your meal etc
Because you are a SAHM there are so many things you can do during the day to help you stick to a plan without inc. your hubby. I can see this being the major area where you make your change to your lifestyle and finally do what YOU want to do, and be where YOU want to be and reach your goals.
Good luck and remember the girls here at 3FC will always be here to support you.
No, he never did comment. In all fairness, he never commented when I gained either, but as hard as I was working, I really wanted some recognition from him.
I have always though, gotten tons of support here. This really did make a HUGE difference for me.
Remember that ultimately, you are doing this for you, please don't do crazy things (like eating a whole pizza) to try and get him to notice one way or the other. You are only hurting yourself. We're all probably guilty of self destructive behavior, that's why we overeat like we do. You are doing this for you, so that you can be healthy and happy. This is for you and about you, and if he can't be supportive, then you can come here for it.
Chiming in late on the "willpower" subject ... I'm visiting my mom right now and she has junk food EVERYWHERE, for my stepdad because she is not attracted to it. And I told her it is hard for me being faced with cookies etc everywhere I look, and she told me I have to "just say no." She is one of those people who can eat one square out of a giant bar of chocolate and leave the rest lying there on her desk for a week.
Well, this week there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about how obese people's brains react differently to food -- say the words "chocolate cake" to them and they literally think about chocolate cake for the next three hours whereas thin people do not. Anyway she was reading it, and said something like, "Wow, that sounds really hard, I'm glad I'm not like that." And I said, BUT I AM!!! So now I think she does understand that it's not just "willpower", although she's still buying the cookies and leaving them on the counter.
Here's a blog post about the article, maybe it would work if you showed it to him. Ask him, "If I say 'Pizza', do you think about pizza for the next hour, or not?": Obese people's brains (the article, which is linked in the post, might be behind a paywall, but this is the important bit.)
Chiming in late too, apparently. I was also a little angry reading the original post. But it was because of the "willpower" issue, which is now being addressed. I wish people realized it's NOT a willpower issue. There are so many psychological and physical factors that we battle against. When people throw out "you need more willpower" it comes out to me the same as saying, "you're lazy, you're weak." Arg!
As to what you can do about it? I agree with having him store and eat his junk out of sight, and making what you want for dinner. This is what it comes down to- Just as he has every right to not be forced to eat differently, you have every right to buy, cook and eat what you want.
As for support in other ways? No clue. Seriously, I have the most supportive husband in the world. I don't know if I could put up with some of the things you and others have gone through in terms of no support. Communication is key, that's all I can say.
Mine tries to be supportive, but he starts craving stuff and drags me down with him. lol
It is really up to you to stop eating the bad foods...He could be more willing to help out and hide the food, or eat it when he's out, but your gonna run into temptations outside of your home, so like me, your going to have to learn how to say no...I haven't figured it out though...I'll let you know soon as I do.
I'm with the ideas of snack foods he likes that you hate...or can live without. I get my hubby lots of nuts, and baked chips, like Popchips, or Sunchips, and he likes them and they aren't too bad for me either.
"So my first response is, F- him. You do the food shopping? Don't buy his junk food. Just don't buy it. You do the cooking? Cook what you want to eat. He'll live."
Chiming in late on the "willpower" subject ... I'm visiting my mom right now and she has junk food EVERYWHERE, for my stepdad because she is not attracted to it. And I told her it is hard for me being faced with cookies etc everywhere I look, and she told me I have to "just say no." She is one of those people who can eat one square out of a giant bar of chocolate and leave the rest lying there on her desk for a week.
Well, this week there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about how obese people's brains react differently to food -- say the words "chocolate cake" to them and they literally think about chocolate cake for the next three hours whereas thin people do not. Anyway she was reading it, and said something like, "Wow, that sounds really hard, I'm glad I'm not like that." And I said, BUT I AM!!! So now I think she does understand that it's not just "willpower", although she's still buying the cookies and leaving them on the counter.
Here's a blog post about the article, maybe it would work if you showed it to him. Ask him, "If I say 'Pizza', do you think about pizza for the next hour, or not?": Obese people's brains (the article, which is linked in the post, might be behind a paywall, but this is the important bit.)
Thank you for sharing this with us bronze, very interesting, I guess I have to train my brain to work like a thin person, just so NO and not think about it.
Ialso can relate what your going thru. My husband is the same way. He has alowed me with no complaint to join a gym, and I join TOPS club to get my support. But he has told me after I joined these activitys that he didnt understand why I had to do this that losing weight is like quiting smoking. He and I decide about 5 yrs ago to stop and what we did when the last one was gone we didnt buy anymore. So he thinks I should be able to do the with my weight. And of course he doesnt have the problem I have he can eat anything and everything and not gain a lb. Since it is just he and I now left at home I do not fix meals like when you have a family. I can fix exatly what he wants and then I fix what I want. And this has work for me. Sometimes he and I go out to eat and I look for menus of lite plates, or just veg.s or go to the salad bar. And I have order a regur meal and just eat half and bring the other half home for another meal. So far ive lost a total of 66 lbs. Good Luck!
BRONZE ~ I read about other research where people were tested while seeing, smelling, thinking, and talking about food ... and indeed their bodies would react by releasing hormones into their systems; yes, endorphins, but more importantly ... insulin -- which makes you physically hungry. This is not about making excuses or blaming anyone; it is just about understanding how our bodies and brains work, so we can find helpful solutions for those who need it ...
BTW, I use all of the above solutions with my DH -- I took all our favorite family dishes and made them healthier; increased the veggies; make soup more often; make salads for myself; and buy healthy snacks for me too. If I bake at all, I make only healthier things, the rest I buy in small quantities and stash in the freezer for when guests come.
His snacks (most of which I am not that crazy about) are put in the freezer in our shed, and/or in the bedroom in a high cupboard which I cannot reach (he uses this room as a den when not sleeping there; he had his tv, etc in there too).
I choose healthier things when we occasionally eat out, like BBQ spit deli chicken and salad for me; if he wants fries he can have them, I don't. We don't buy a whole pizza now, we just buy one slice each; and I have a salad with mine ... and things like that.
My main support comes from people on this site; invaluable for me really.
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 07-21-2010 at 08:23 PM.
