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Old 06-13-2010, 01:12 PM   #1  
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Default It's pulling me down :(

I'm sorry to post such a buzzkill thread, but I'm having a really hard time

My mother is borderline and an alcoholic, and when I was younger I underwent a lot of abuse - physical, verbal, emotional at the hands of her and sexual at the hands of my father, who was never really in the picture, they just traded me back and forth for about a year until my mom figured out what was going on. So it's no surprise how I found food to be my best friend.

I developed dissociative identity disorder in order to maintain a relationship with my mother, as I didn't really have friends and couldn't make sense of her behavior. In recent years since getting to college it cleared up, and leaving for a semester in Europe was a really incredible experience. It's when I started my new lifestyle and decided to kick the binging and change my relationship with movement.

Well I stay with my mother on breaks, and I'm here, jobless and unable to find work with nowhere else to go, until August. I recently gave her nearly all my savings to help fix something in the house, so I'm stuck here. Before I came home, she swore she'd be sober and quit smoking so she could enjoy our relationship. She was, for about a month, and at the beginning of last week she completely fell apart and started in with the verbal abuse.

The newfound, braver Raichu did NOT tolerate this, and she did NOT like it, and now she's back to drinking and smoking (of course -- in her mind -- it's my fault, and she made sure to let me know.)

This is a tiny house and it's really hard to live with, and every time I mentioned I've lost weight, hit a milestone on the elliptical, etc, she'll snap something like "Well the elliptical isn't accurate, that's not much" like she's really unhappy I'm losing weight.

I'm trapped in here with an emotional sabotager!

Again, I'm sorry for the huge buzzkill post, but I don't really have anyone to talk to this about... I have plenty of friends, but always feel like the "funny fat friend" who can never have something wrong.

But I just keep reminding myself... self-sabotage isn't going to help my cause...and I'm on my way to Rite-Aid when my hair dries to pick up a whiteboard to write my goals on! Thanks for listening...
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Old 06-13-2010, 01:35 PM   #2  
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I just want to give you a big hug! Wow, you are so strong to get thru all that crap.

I realized something that spurred me on my own weight loss/life reform journey. We seek validation from people who are least likely to give it! Your mother may never support you emotionally for whatever reason. You have the power to stop looking to her for that kind of support. She can not give it to you. Be proud of yourself and share your victories with people who are going to lift you up, not tear you down.

I am very proud and inspired by how far you have come!
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Old 06-13-2010, 02:34 PM   #3  
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Can you join Al-Anon? It's for people living with alcholohics, free and helpful?
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Old 06-13-2010, 02:47 PM   #4  
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I second joining Al Anon. Google it & get to a meeting ASAP. You are in a vulnerable position and you need all the support you get.

The best part of Al Anon is that the purpose of the program is not to focus on the alcoholic. You focus on yourself and your personal growth. And you'll have a group of people to listen and support.

If there are no face to face meetings in your area, there are also a boatload of online meetings. Just do some Googling and you will find some. You could also do Overeater's Anonymous as well. OA is welcoming and lots of people have histories of childhood abuse.

Good luck and keep posting. I wish the very best.
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Old 06-13-2010, 03:15 PM   #5  
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you're really strong and brave to have dealt with all that crap that you shouldn't have had to. congrats on sticking to dealing with your weight loss goals, it's challenging in the best conditions with lots of support.
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Old 06-13-2010, 03:32 PM   #6  
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I, like everyone else, am really impressed with your ability to cope with this situation! You are a remarkable lady. I hope things get a little brighter for you!
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Old 06-13-2010, 04:23 PM   #7  
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You know, I had a teacher when I was going for my applied associates who was always a bit bigger, but extremely pretty in my eyes. She would always try to make progress and attempt to lose the weight, but her husband would do little things that would completely sabotage and foil her attempts.

She recently started the HCG diet (Seems to be a huge trend to do that here in Utah), and she's been doing it behind her husbands back. Well he started to notice her progress and mentioned something, and that's when it all came out.

He wasn't trying to be rude, or hurt her by saying the things he did. He also didn't want to keep her from making progress. What it really was was his own insecurities that kept him saying and doing what he was. He was afraid that if she lost the weight she would suddenly look at him and think he was no longer good enough for her and that she would leave.

Now, I'm not saying that that is the case here, but if you feel as though she is bringing you down then I think you should tell her. I can relate on a lot of the same levels as you, and if I feel like I am and am going to continue to make progress then I think you deserve the same thing!

Sometimes a small conversation can go a long way, and if it doesn't help, or that isn't the solution for you, then the only other thing that comes to mind in this particular moment is go out for a jog, keep pushing on that elliptical (I have one, it's my best friend.), and just hold on to where you are right now until the time comes when you are able to leave again.

I wish you the best of luck, and I'm here rooting for you. You can do this!
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