You know, many people have asked me why I decided to lose weight. What, after 19 years, fueled my motivation? And I never had a good, well-constructed response to that question.
I want to be healthy. I've already ruined myself in a lot of ways. I am covered in stretch marks, the ugliest varicose veins you'll ever see, and I have horrible skin from years of bad eating. At a very young age. I began imagining what these things could become in my late 20's and beyond, and the thought terrified me. So there's one reason.
I wanted self confidence. I am a wannabe musician but obviously at 304 pounds singing wasn't even easy, let alone possible because of my self loathing ways. I constantly thought (and still sometimes think) people are laughing at me. I just needed to be able to find self-love.
I wanted to be happy. I have found that becoming active has helped my depression and panic attacks in SO many ways. I feel amazing now that I can beat my athlete brother at a game of tennis. It just gives me pride being physically strong and capable.
I wanted to care enough about myself to look nice. My fat photos aren't just bad because I'm fat in them, it's because I look awful. I never wore make-up, my hair was a wreck, my clothes were whatever fit from wherever I could find them, and I was not a good representation of the optimistic, care free girl within. I am not saying be vain and care constantly about your looks, but something about taking pride in one's appearance is so fantastic. I have been gaining more and more of that pride everyday. And now I can fuel my obsession for clothes! I am finding my own sense of style and I LOVE IT.
To stop being a liar. I always lied to people. I would tell everyone I was afraid of roller coasters but I was secretly above the weight limit for them. I would tell my more active friends I couldn't go hiking because I was sick. I would refrain from anything that had to do with eating in front of friends and say I had homework and couldn't go out.
The little things. Fitting on roller coasters. Wearing skinny jeans. Being able to jog across the crosswalk and not just walk briskly. Getting one lazy day a week instead of seven! Being able to flex and see actual muscle under all the fat. Being knowledgable about something important to me - weight loss.
Overall, just for the life changing aspect of it. And to be honest, I never imagined my life would be changing this much - it's SCARY. But in the end, that's why I started this. I want all of the above and more in HEAVY doses. One day I want a relationship, I've never had one! I want to experience life to the fullest and catch up on what I have missed.
I'm sorry this was so long. It's just something I have been trying to answer for a long time. I still don't have a short answer but this works for me.
