I just have to ask this question, I guess I'm nosey...lol

You say your friend will be offended if you don't drink, so if she orders one of those big plates of fat laden bar nachos, and a big fried up combo plate, will she be offended if you don't eat too? What will you do then? Will you go ahead and offend her then, or just eat up? (Just curious)

Umm, it's quite difficult to explain.

I guess it's that we have spent a lot of our time in bars and at parties together in the last year or so and for me to choose her birthday weekend to decide not to drink seems a bit unfair. I guess my past bad behaviour regarding sticking to healthy eating has put me in this position. We always talk about eating healthily, but alcohol has never really come into it before.

I'm trying to step up my game now, but it's bad timing as she would feel me choosing not to drink at her birthday (when the last time we had drinks was Friday night just gone) would be a reflection on her.

I'm sorry, but I find this to be - bizarre. UNFAIR? UNFAIR? How is your choosing to be health conscious unfair to anyone else? Your past behavior is not relevant to your CURRENT behavior. What you put into your body or what you don't put into your body is no ones decision but your own and you should not let anyone else influence that decision. What you ingest is ZERO reflection on anyone else.

Bad timing? How could it EVER be bad timing to rid yourself of chemicals and fat? When would it be good timing? When will there EVER be a stretch of time with no events in it or no Friday's in it? There are always celebrations and always reasons to drink/overeat - someones' birthday, a job promotion, a job lost, a boyfriend lost, an anniversary, the weekend, 4th of July, 12th of June - makes no difference.

I'm afraid if you don't start making the decisions that are best for YOU, you may have a hard time progressing in this healthy lifestyle.

You will find when you are feeling good about yourself and the choices that you make, and when you are more fit (& heck yeah,, wearing smokin' clothes), you won't NEED alcohol/food for your entertainment and in order to have a good time. You'll feel so good about what you're accomplishing, the increase in your energy level & confidence level that you won't have to rely on outside forces.

You will find that discipline, telling yourself no, is not a bad thing - but a good thing. I love this quote from Julie Andrews of all people - " Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly."

I can understand where your coming form but you should never feel presured in to drinking.

There is nothing worng with pacing yourself , go for soft drinks in between drinks .....or cheat and have non alcoholic cocktails shed never know.

I have the same issue somethimes , i like to ban the booze as i have a more effective weightloss when i bin it. However nights out will crop up, i have one coming up soon and my plan is to drink coke inbetween and keep to a low cal drink, and where i can get a non alcohol cocktail.

I have went out many times and drank soft drinks and water was sheer will power , but it felt so liberating to know actually i can be a sober party girl and actually i dont need alcohol to give me confidence 2 dance and socialise. Try it , sounds boaring but after your night out u feel so great and uve worked out by dancing and theres no dreaded hangover in the morning.

Im certainly going to try and get that will power back as im getting to old to get hammered

Personally, I like bourbon and soda. Tall. And I nurse it.

This is a hard situation. I've been recently trying to stick to just one drink when I drink, and the best strategy I've found is alternating with non-alcohol drinks, like others suggested. If you have your first drink on a mostly empty stomach, you will feel it immediately, then follow that with (my favorite) club soda with a splash of cranberry juice and a slice of lime. People always think it's a drink, and I often find I don't want another by the time I've finished that one.

Good luck. We can't all live in caves until the weight comes off. These real life situations are important to struggle with. You are building healthy living skills for the rest of your life!

I gave up drinking and when I am out I order 7Up or coke or sometimes plain tonic with a twist , and nobody cares ! They are not offended and in fact may not even notice. And I have a good time, too.

I have to agree with rockinrobin here...

You are HALFWAY to your mini goal!!! (congrats btw) We all know how much work goes into losing even ONE lb. I am sure, if she is your REAL friend, that she will understand your health comes first. I think it should be more important that you are there to celebrate with her. Celebrate doesn't entail drinking.

I think it all boils down to this question: what is more important to you?

I have to jump in and say that I TOTALLY understand what you are saying. People say you can have just as much fun without booze as with it. I do and I don't agree. I think booze is fun, but it is not the only thing that is fun. I enjoy the uninhibited conversations that come from tongues relaxed with alcohol... but I also like to remember those conversations in the morning.

I do agree with PP's that it is YOUR choice what you do or do not put into your body. But this is also about making lifestyle changes that you can live with forever. I believe moderation is really key. To never drink again is not something to would suit me. I can strictly limit myself, but I would be sad to never be able to enjoy a glass of wine with my mom, a beer with my friend Kate, or a mixed drink on the dock at the lake.

I find that Seltzer and Club soda are my friend. Cut wine with seltzer, cut mixed drinks with Club.

You could even ask the bartender to make your drinks weak. That way you can have a wee bit of booze, but not go all out.

And like PP's have said- do one drink, one water, one drink, one water, etc.

I understand what you mean about your friend. My bestie and I were always talking about being healthy. Any time I would have success before, she would intentionally make things more difficult for me, as she was reminded of her own failures whenever I had success.

I love vanilla vodka and diet coke. Or diet redbull and vodka (although this isn't a particularly good drink for you at all). If the bar has diet seltzer or Sprite Zero, a mojito isn't a horrible option either.

My grandfather told me this to avoid getting too drunk in bars, but I think it works for you too. Make friends with the bartender early. Then, every time your drink gets to about 2/3s empty, have him refill it with just your low-calorie mixer (diet coke, diet cranberry juice, etc). By the end, your drink will just be diet coke, no one will have any idea that you're not drinking alcohol and you avoid the extra calories.

Yes, the key IS moderation. But here's the thing - many folks can't or won't drink moderately. And than many folks can't or won't EAT moderately after drinking and very often their health (weight) is compromised. So for certain people, it's best not to take any chances and they don't drink at all. They can re-assess after they've either gotten to goal or have at least gained that all important control that comes further down the road. For many, it is just easier (& safer) to not drink at all.

Another thing, I found after I lost the weight, I was no longer inhibited with my words and conversation. It was amazing! I didn't need alcohol to *let loose*, speak my mind, giggle my fool head off and have a great time with my friends.

But couldn't the same be said for food (as in, with no relation to booze)? Many folks can't or won't eat moderately, hence the obesity problem in the US. We don't tell people to give up eating. (I realize this is a bit extreme.)

I know that I can have one or two drinks and it won't affect my judgement. I can decide in advice to limit myself to two drinks and have no problem sticking to that. It is somewhere during the third drink where my judgement starts to sway. And it is only in my weight loss journey that I have been able to learn this about myself. I think that losing weight permanently (at least for me) is about changing thoughts and behaviors to those that suit me and also help me reach my goal.

I think it boils down to what is most important to the OP. Does she want to give up drinking to reach her goal faster or does she want to work at moderation to include drinking while she is losing?

(I hope I don't sound argumentative - I am really just curious)

You just can't compare doing without alcohol to doing without food. You can live without alcohol but you can't live without food.

Some people can handle alcohol and some can't. The OP will have to decide for herself. People are just trying to give some insight. After all she did say

Sorry... I was just trying to gain a little more insight on this topic.

I really like your idea of saying you're on an antibiotic and can't drink. People are much more accepting of a 'health concern' than a food or alcohol consumption change. I do something like this all the time...say I am on medication or I am watching my sugar or cholesterol - then everyone 'understands' if I don't eat or drink along with them. It is just easier.

I am alot older than you...but, I do remember partying with folks and how drinking is a big part of that. So - a splash of wine in a fizzy water can last a long time. A diet tonic and lime is tasty too.

Once the party gets hopping, I don't think people will care or notice what you do or don't drink. Unless you are all playing drinking games.