ohiofreespirit- I'm right there with you. I'd love to say that I've been able to get over it and just live my life, but that's soooo not the case. I think when you're ashamed of what you've done to yourself and embarrassed by how you look, it's hard to force yourself to put on a happy face and go about your business as you normally would. You can't act "normal" because you don't feel "normal." I don't know what the solution is, but I know how depressing it is.

I've been working years to accept myself and really live my life. I'd love to be one of those full-figured girls that is completely comfortable in her skin and oozes confidence. I'm not, I don't know how to be. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, too. Let me know if you find the magic bullet!!

These insights have made me realize i need to think differently about myself. i've never been one who was great at admitting that i love myself but that is especially true now with this weight. Perhaps this was a reason for gaining all this weight to begin with, my lack of respect for myself and my body?


Thank you for all your replies.

This post reflects how I feel exactly. I dont have any advice, but I totally know how you feel. It's a horrible feeling.

I'm right there with you. I hate going anywhere anymore! I'm working on getting myself back in shape though.

The worst part is that people can't tell you're working, you know? I mean, some of us (like me) are starting at 300. Even if we've lost 50 or 100 pounds, we're going to look fat to people who have never met us. It's really discouraging sometimes. I guess we just have to look ahead and try to forget about it for now.

Yeah, I can see how that would be discouraging. Atleast they will only be seeing you at your temporary high weight since you are moving on down the scale. We can't change what we look like at the moment but we can change what we look like in the future. :

OK, I'm going to be blunt here. Look around you, what percentage of people are fat today? I'm was young and single in the 1970s, to see a heavy person was relatively rare. Now? I would say in any given group there are more overweight people than slim ones. Life is short, anything can happen to any of us. Are you really going to let your weight make you miss a day, a month, a year of your life? What if you could see into the future and found out you would be gone in a year, wouldn't you regret all the time you missed?

Just hold your head up high and go on and live your life, that's my advice.

I get very offended at the suggestion that I owe it to the world to look good. Of course no one knows what I'm working on in my life. I don't know what they're working on either.

Is the person with severe, disfiguring acne seeing a dermatologist? Is their skin looking better than it used to, or is this the worst it's ever been? Do they know there's help available? Are they seeking the help? Do they even want to?

Most of the people I meet, I will never know if they have drug addictions, destructive relationships, or are serial killers in their spare time. Why is it anyone's business whether I'm "working on" myself or not? And yes I know everyone can "see" fat, but you can see acne, you can see poor hygeine, you can see limping, there are all sorts of medical and social conditions that we can assess pretty accurately bey contact with other people.

And I will not say that fat is the last prejudice - there are still plenty of judgements and prejudices being thrown around - some are just more sociallly acceptable to admit than others, but it all boils down to people believing that they have a right to be spared the sight and contact with "certain people."

Sadly many people DO avoid going out into situations in which their "flaws" will be exposed. And I think it's wrong. A deep scar running down your face shouldn't prevent you from having a real life, whether or not you're seeing a plastic surgeon who is going to be able to fix it, and you're not obligated to tell anyone whether you have a surgery date, and when it's scheduled to be fixed. No body's business.

The same with fat. I don't owe strangers an accounting for my life. I don't have to hand out pamphlets explaining my weight, my diet plan, how long I've been trying to lose it, what my starting weight was, what my goal weight is, what has kept me from weight loss in the past, the ways in which I'm a great person, despite the fat..... No body's business.

It sounds defensive, but it's not. I'm arguing against defensiveness. I am not obligated to defend myself. I am a very open, honest, and friendly person. I try very hard not to judge, and can find things in common with almost anyone. I chose my husband because he is very much the same way. (We have a very wide assortment of friends - people even comment on it, because our friends come from a wide assortment of backgrounds, socioeconomic classes, income levels, ethnicities, religions, ages, genders, sexual orientations, and physical characteristics). Our weight isn't a reason people like or dislike us (at least if we choose them as friends).

We've got unusually outgoing personalities. We start up conversations and frequently become close friends with perfect strangers, and we've made amazing friends of people who probably wouldn't have ever made the first step towards friendship themselves. Not because they couldn't see past our flaws, but because they were so conscious of their own that they would have been afraid to put themselves "out there."

Not everyone has or wants that kind of personality, but the idea that you have to change to fit into a socially-sanctioned mold, is more destructive than helpful. Sure peer pressure can be good - it can prevent people from stealing and hurting people. The fear of ostracism for being too weird can be a positive influence, but often it's just a way to make people sheeple.

I'm so nauseated by the pressure to "follow everyone else, and don't ask why."

I like being different, I like standing out. My weight isn't the best way to do it - and I believe that my weight is NOT the main reason I stick out (but I have to acknowledge that it is one of the ways). I know sometimes my husband and I stick out as the big, fat, pale-skinned, loud, funny people who will talk about anything with anyone (for hours and hours if you let us).

Yes, I'm looking forward to our size being taken out of the equation, but our appearance will never be. How we dress, our physical characteristics will always be the first thing people will see and judge, but we're always going to leave a lasting impression on people based on our personalities, and it usually seems to be a good one. I'm happy with that, even when I'm not happy with the physical impression.

I have to say, I don't think I've ever looked at myself through anyone's eyes but my own. sometimes I've been pleased, sometimes not. BUT, I've never ever had any problems being the life of the party, being the person others wanted to talk to for advice, being a good friend, being considered birght and funny....all things I would want to be. I have to assume that there is something about me that is worthwhile, and that it doesn't have anything to do with my size. Perhaps I am blind to it, but I don't remember being made fun of since I've become supersized, except for one woman who was a guest and called me a slob. And the day she was here, she was right. But again, I don't think it was because I was big, but because I had gained a lot of weight, had spent a lot of tije travelling for business, came home and discovered the only thing I could wear was some old sweatpants. The woman stayed here before I had a chance to go buy clothes that fit properly.

She also didn't like my dog and told the reservation agency who booked her stay that the dog tried to knock her out of her chair at breakfast, though the dog is not allowed at the breakfast table period.

What I'm getting at is that people who care will care no matter what, and people who are rude will find a reason, whether it is valid or not.

Please yourself first as long as you are kind to others too, considerate, and follow the golden rule. Don't stay in hiding...it won't help if you are totally disconnected from the world around you. Help make that world a large and pleasant place for you to be!

Barb

Yeah, but it's usually only when I go out with my smaller friends, I know that they don't judge me, it's when they want to go in stores like Victoria's Secret, American Eagle, Ambercrombie.. and other stuff that just doesn't fit.

I weight 176 pounds, but I feel exactly the same way you do, everything is in our minds...nobody is judging you but yourself, when people tell me u are beautyful i say thank you, but i dont believe it, maybe they do but i dont...weight changes your form, but you still have, your nice hair, nice smile, cute eyes, nice hands, you are sensual and everything. and remember when naked, men see you 10 pounds lighter hihihi Bless

I've been up at the 300 plus mark. and down about 40 from where I am now. and all places in between over the years. I've been in that place where I felt awkward and embarrassed about going out. and I went to Paris when I was over 300 lbs (the dream trip of my life at that point). I'm not meaning to say all is roses, and negative situations with people never occur (or have occurred), the world is what it is, but honestly if I let my weight stop me completely, I wouldn't have some of the wonderful memories and experiences that I have had.

I also agree with the post about looking around you and seeing all the different types of people out there. life is not tv or the movies, where everyone is thin and gorgeous. lots of people have kids and stress and gain weight, get wrinkles, sag, develop sun spots, lumps, limps, have bad hair days, acne, etc.