Good for you, Rae!!! "bow-chicka-wow-wow" is fabulous
Thing is, even though I get down on myself, I truly do know my husband finds me attractive. He tells me this often, and I've never brought up my whole "you-should-be-with-someone-better" stuff because that's something I deal with -- he shouldn't have to.
Sooo....it's a mental thing for me; most of the time, I am extremely comfortable in my own skin, but there are still those days when I wonder why in the world he'd want to be with someone my size.
I definitely have intimacy issues to the point where, even though I can be extremely turned on, I'll walk away or I'll instantly think of my size and lose all libido. And the "think you should be with someone thinner thing," yeah I do that too, especially since I put on the last 50lbs I gained. Now if I'm feeling lonely, I resort to internet dating and even then, it crosses my mind. When they want to see more than my face, I hit the road running.
The only person who was ever able to convince me that no matter what I thought I looked like, I was beautiful now thinks I'm too sad and says it makes it hard to be around me all the time...which of course is perpetuated partly due to my weight and causes more weight gain. It's a damned vicious cycle.
Can totally relate. I may be 31 years old, but in regards to anything intimate, I am in middle school. I've always had the way of thinking, If I am not happy with how my body looks, I can I expect anyone else to be? I am actually happier with it, ( my body ) and I get compliments often, even from strangers asking for dates, I just think of something to say to politely decline their advances.
It's actually extremely lonely, I just don't know how to fix it.
Can totally relate. I may be 31 years old, but in regards to anything intimate, I am in middle school. I've always had the way of thinking, If I am not happy with how my body looks, I can I expect anyone else to be? I am actually happier with it, ( my body ) and I get compliments often, even from strangers asking for dates, I just think of something to say to politely decline their advances.
It's actually extremely lonely, I just don't know how to fix it.
I am definitely in the same situation here. I started gaining weight in high school and through my 20s, and I basically turned myself into permanent friend mode. I can't even imagine myself in a romantic relationship anymore. If I'm approached, which is rare, I automatically discount it as a joke or some sort of pity attempt and decline politely.
I am having similar issues, but on a different side of the spectrum.
Im 26 and I have been with my boyfriend 2 years. For the past few months he has stopped wanting to have sex completely(and out of the blue). We have it maybe every 3 weeks, and thats only because I bug him to the point where I think he does it to shut me up. Lately though, he has been getting very mad at me when I bring it up and lashes out at me. It makes me so depressed, to the point where I cry in the bathroom. He makes up every excuse in the book. "hes tired, hes sick, hes full, hes busy" Its like WTF?
I just dont understand it and I am at a loss with how to handle it.
Its not like I dont try to spice things up or I am boring. I love sex and he knows it! I always want to buy sexy lingerie and he just has no interest in ANYTHING. He tells me not to waste my money on "something so stupid"
I have no idea what to do in a situation like that, but I will say this; you don't deserve to be treated that way. I guess you could force him to sit down with you and talk about it. And then what? I don't know. But you should definitely put your foot down and demand some answers. After two years of being with him you deserve to know what's going on with him.
This is me definitely and I have this sick sinking feeling it won't change once I have lost the weight. When I was 115lbs I still hated most guys looking at or touching my body. I always felt I was too big (even when I was slightly UNDER weight).
I know it's more about my mind then anything else.
And JerseyGirl83 you need to try and talk to your boyfriend. You deserve to be treated better than that. Could he be depressed? Or (I hate to say this!) given you any other signs to indicate he might be cheating?
hey, I feel I need to jump in-- I can definitely relate. Up until I met my current boyfriend I could only have sex when I was manic (I'm bipolar and become hyper-sexual in certain mood)... I'd jump from bed to bed and once we took our clothes off I would completely dissociate from myself, the other person, the act itself (well, I also have issues related to being grossly mistreated by men, which didn't help).
I know I'm not technically overweight, but I always *feel* huge. My perception of self has greatly improved with the love and attention of my bf, even on days when I'm so down on myself I stay in my pjs with my hair up and no makeup-- he makes a point to make me aware of how beautiful he thinks I am.
I agree with one of the previous posters, us women are so wrapped up with our weight issues we don't realize how much men enjoy our curvier jiggly bits. One of my bf's fave things to do is grabbing my ***, pointing out how 'juicy' it is and how much he loves that, and rubbing my stomach. Both things used to make me unbelievably self-conscious. But a few nights ago he said to me with a hand on my belly, 'you have a stomach like a belly dancers, I love it'... umm, wow. thanks! my shame flew away and I was left proud of the body I inhabit. it's a nice change from my usual self-loathing and dissociation.
Although I haven't been overweight really, I feel enormous and it can be pretty overwhelming, I'm trying to get over the mindset of feeling fat=feeling bad, because it's not even a feeling.
I've never had very good self esteem, was teased for being fat when I was a bit younger, and got some stretch marks during puberty. Now whilst I'm working on toning up and avoiding binges, I'm still left with stretch marks on my thighs, hips and boobs.
Obviously they're faded but I can still see them and I feel like I don't want to burden any guy by making him have to touch me. This pretty much results in me walling off any guys I might like, because eventually it might result in him having to see more of me, and I can't bear the thought of seeing so much disappointment when he sees how gross I am underneath my clothes.
I'm not even 20 yet, and I have a horrible feeling if I don't get over this, I'm going to regret wasting my youth beating myself up about things I can't change.
This is a really difficult subject for me to talk about, and I usually avoid for fear of sounding like a slim girl whining about how fat she is.
I also worry about sounding superficial and shallow talking like this... I take people as they come and I don't believe such a thing as ugly exists, sadly I seem to be the exception in my eyes.
I think my intimacy issues helped ruin my marriage. I was very sexual at the beginning, but I was also 75lbs thinner. The more weight I gained, the more I disliked having sex and my husband didn't want to have sex either. He started saying that he's just not that interested in sex, that its overrated. Yet, he was looking at porn everyday. That was a major blow to my self esteem. We went without sex for a year and my self esteem continued to get worse. When we did finally have sex, I didn't enjoy it that much and was very self conscious. I know that I need to see a therapist about my issues. And I plan on doing that asap. If I don't love myself, how can I let someone else love me. Sometimes I feel unworthy of love because I am fat.
I can definitely relate. Although I currently have a boyfriend, and he has been around for my recent 40 lb gain (on and off medications without a diet change), I no longer want to be intimate with him due to my lowered self-esteem. I mean, there are of course the occasional times where I just need him then and there- but they've become extremely few and far-between. Also, maybe this is TMI, but we haven't been able to... well... "finish"... in months. (again, maybe once or twice, but it's whittled down to close-to nothing)
