Wednesday Jan 20th - A Down and an Up

Down
Well I've had a great start to the week, but today when it came time to go to the gym, I just really really didn't feel like it. There was no reason, no excuse. I had time cleared on my calendar when I like to go, was ready to go, etc.

This was a bit depressing for me because this has not a significant struggle for me so far on plan. There are already enough "hard" things on my list to stay onplan that I didn't need one more.

But I got in the car and went anyway which was good...

Up
While at the gym for part of my workout I went to the basketball court and just ran around some, shot some baskets, did some sprinting/jumping/jogging etc.

I was wearing these standard athletic shorts, you know the kind with the elastic waistband. And all of those that have been heavy understand what I mean when I say that I was not making the elastic happy when I would wear them 6 weeks ago. They were one of only a couple of pairs I could reasonably get on.

So I happen to be wearing them today, but as I'm jumping and running I start to notice them slipping. They started to come full off several times to the point where I actually had to tie them to keep them on. So that brought my spirits up!

Well you did it, u motivated me to go to the gym, I am going here in a little bit with a coworker to her gym!!! Hope she doesn't try and kill me.

Thanks for the motivation

Tucker

Awesome, don't overdo it! Push yourself good to get your HR up but don't push yourself to the point you are miserable or else it will be harder to go back.

GL, I bet you'll feel great about it tonight/tomorrow.

Friday Jan 22 - What am I afraid of??

First the boring stuff. I've had a solid week, nothing off plan from an exercise or diet perspective. I'm seeing the scale go down more mid-week this week, which likely means it will inexplicably go up over the weekend

Musing of the day

I'll be honest and say that (mostly because I'm a guy and my personality), I can't really get into/understand a lot of the more emotional posts on this board. It seems like for a lot of folks here, a big part of this journey is overcoming emotional barriers/attachments/issues. It's hard for me to truly understand that, which is why you won't see me post much in those threads. However something recently happened that made me think there's more of an emotional issue there with me than I might think.

So I was having a conversation with my wife the other day and I found myself making it very clear to her that I didn't want her discussing my weight loss with anybody, even close friends/family. She is obviously proud of my progress, and would be naturally inclined to "brag" on me a bit in certain circumstances.

I was pretty adamant in my request, to the point where afterwards I wondered why? I am getting to the point now where more people are going to start mentioning it to me just based on physical differences. I think I'm right on the cusp where it's almost obvious enough to say. Kind of like when you see a woman who is like 5-6 months pregnant and it is pretty obvious, but you're just enough worried that she's not pregnant that you don't say anything

So why do I not want to talk about it myself in my real life, or have my wife do so? Here's a couple of options.

A) I don't want to prideful

B) I don't want to receive a lot of unsolicited input/advice even if well-intentioned

C) Admitting that I've lost noticeable weight = admitting that I had gained a lot of weight = admitting I've failed

D) I'm afraid that if I make a big deal about it and I fail in the future it will be that much more noticeable

E) It's somehow a bit of a "taboo" topic for guys
While I wish it was mostly A, this probably isn't really the case. I am proud of what I've done thus far and it does make me feel good when people notice/comment, although I do find it pretty awkward and usually respond with a casual comment like, "meh, I've been trying to get to the gym a little more often".

B is really annoying, but I do not think it is a major factor. I do find it difficult to have real life discussions on this topic. I am obviously still considerably overweight therefore how can I really pretend that I know what I'm talking about? If I had the answers wouldn't I weigh 170? So I just find these conversations difficult, so I strongly avoid them. Maybe I'll be more comfortable after I've been maintaining at goal for a year or so.

I think C is a really huge issue for me. Nobody, and especially me, likes to admit that they've failed. Even though it is visibly obvious (hello size 42 pants) to others, because it is not really discussed in the open it's almost like an unspoken secret. This is obviously delusional, but I think it is true for me. It's like I want to sneak back to a good weight and pretend like I never failed in the first place. This is laughable, but I think pretty true for me, even if only subconciously.

D is clearly a huge issue with me. No matter how much we think we've learned from past failures, or how committed we are the the "lifestyle" concept, I think there is a nagging part of each of us that thinks there's a chance we will gain it back. Especially for the majority of us that have previously lost and regained weight. So this is like the opposite of the paragraph above, it's like I think that if I don't tell anybody or discuss it, if I fail and regain it will be a secret and I haven't "failed" again. Clearly this is also delusional, but I think very true for me.

This comes back to accountability. While I have used this forum to a degree for accountability, it is not true accountability. I could never make another post here tomorrow and no-one might ever notice. So I do think that this issue with me is also about avoiding real life accountability, which is obviously a problem.

While less than C and D, I think E is also an issue. It's just not something that is talked about to the same degree amongst guys. I think for a lot of guys their perspective is either "who cares, I'll eat what I want" or "just man up and lose the weight". Very simplistic. You won't really ever find a guy that will have a conversation like "Well I've turned to food for comfort ever since my parents divorced when I was 11 and it was my only friend" even if it is true for them. Despite the posts I make on this forum, you would never see me have conversations like this in real life with one of my guy friends. And that's wrong.

Anyway I'm not sure there is a point to all of this, just something that was on my mind...

Got back did about 30 min of eliptical burned about 350 cals and feel great, not to hard but enough for first time. firs ttime on that machine, use to do stairmaster and that thing sucked!!! Feels really good to get out there

Thanks for the motivation

Tucker

Seriously you just summed it up for me!!!!!!!! u r not alone, I hate failing at anything too, sometimes a little over competitive, but every statment you made I feel the same way, but I realize if u fall off the horse get back on that thing, you are doing great, and I would miss the motivation if u stopped writing on here!! keep up the good work

Tucker

Friday Jan 22 - Part 2

Couple of random thoughts...

1. I ate at Pei Wei last night. For those of you that aren't familiar it's kind of like a less fancy PF Changs.

I did some looking before I got there and had these awesome Vietnamese Chicken Salad Rolls, that was only like 200 calories for 3 large rolls. Great stuff! Have to be very careful with the sauces though, the Thai Peanut is pretty high calorie. I actually ate some of the meat and veggies from my wife's dinner for more calories, although the salad rolls were actually pretty filling, and I'm guessing for most of the ladies on this board, would be more than enough for a meal.

We went as my increasingly pregnant wife was having a Chinese craving. So I'm really pleased with my choices, as typically I would have just ordered delivery and gotten some 1500 calorie high fat monstrocity. I'm really working hard to have this "pregnancy" cause me to lose 30-40 lbs instead of gaining 30 lbs like last time. Haha sounds like I'm the one pregnant...

2. This is going to sound weird but one slightly negative consequence to all this weight loss and plan stuff is that I look forward to the weekend much less. I used to not be able to wait for the weekend for obvious reasons. But I find myself now somewhat dreading all the additional obstacles that will be thrown in my path. I suppose that will get easier with time...

I feel you on the "C" option -- though with me I think that it's more that if I admit I'm intentionally losing weight, then I admit that I cared that I was fat/getting fatter, and if I cared about that, then why didn't I stop it in the first place? My mom was a classic yo-yo dieter for most of my early life and absolutely hated herself when she was heavy. My dad was a beanpole until, oops, he suddenly had a belly. And then he was on the weight train, too. My sister's been anorexic for almost 20 years.

I never wanted to have my diet MATTER to me the way that it did to them -- one reason that I'm doing calorie counting -- but then I had a metabolic shift (or so my endocrinologist tells me) when I was about 26, and wham, there came the weight. And because I couldn't admit -- even to myself -- that I cared about it, I didn't allow myself to do anything about it. So here I am 10 years later, and I'm finally able to admit that I care about it and that I'm trying to fix it. But I still am not at the point where I want anyone else to know.

At any rate, I really appreciate your posting your thoughts/progress/plan like this -- I relate to your viewpoint, though our lives are very different, and I am enjoying following your journey.

Sunday Jan 24th - WARNING! Going to sounds like a "chick" for this whole post

I was going through my closet pulling out some clothes to take to the dry-cleaner in anticipation of a 3 day trip I'm taking this week. I noticed a group of pants that had obviously been dry-cleaned together and not been worn (hangers still bound together actually).

So I took them out and saw they were all a size 38 waist. I must have literally travelled with them, and they got so tight I just gave up and bought some new pants before my next trip, how sad!

Anyway I was like "what the heck" and tried on a couple of pairs and they all fit. Like fit normally, not even tight! I started this journey on that bridge where even my 42's were getting too tight and that was part of my wake-up call.

So down 2 pants sizes already which is great!

This great news was also tempered by the sobering realization that when I was bursting out of those 38's several years ago was the first time that I tried this process and made a lot of dumb mistakes after losing weight and gained it back.

It was a reminder how I need to fix some things to be sure the loss sticks around this time! And now I don't need to go to the dry cleaner for this week's trip haha...

Weekly Update - Week 7

Starting Weight - 260 lbs
Current Weight - 226 lbs
Loss this week - 3 lbs

Solid week, no complaints here. Pretty great to be at the end of week 7 with my lowest number being a 3. I'm also a little encouraged because I actually saw a lower number this weekend, but for consistency's sake I'm going to stick with my Monday gym weigh-in for the official tally.

Stretch goal for the next 2 weeks is to hit 219 by this time 2 weeks from now. That is aggressive, especially given my travel this week, but possible I think.

Nutrition Observations

Mon - 1786 cals
Tue - 1970 cals
Wed - 1533 cals
Thu - 1386 cals
Fri - 2280 cals (Dinner out)
Sat - 1093 cals (OOPS!)
Sun - 1970 cals

Well my calorie target is 1800-2000 per day. I only hit that 2 out of 7 days this week. Some whopping variations but I'm not going to rock the boat as long as my current rate of loss stays about the same. If it changes a lot I might try to lower the variation. Ate out twice this week, one of those meals I did pretty well (at Pei Wei) and the other not so much where I had some pizza. But pretty good overall, still getting in a ton of protein. Not much to talk about or a challenge this week to be honest (I wish I could say the same for the upcoming week).


Exercise Observations

Monday - Gym
Tuesday - Gym
Wednesday - Gym
Thursday - Gym
Friday - Short Run/Walk
Saturday - Gym
Sunday - Rest

Solid week of exercise, nothing too notable or different from last week to be honest. One positive thing was that early in the week I did my nemesis the stair climber and actually killed it pretty good this time!

Inspired by a blog I read, I'm toying with the idea of doing some exercise challenges just for fun. While I'm not ready for this yet, here's one I'm bouncing in my head.

Climb Mt. Everest
I've been watching these documentaries about climbing Mt. Everest and they are so amazing. Obviously the hard part about this is the cold and lack of oxygen and other physical factors that that extreme elevation brings. However I thought it might be a fun physical challenge to do the stair stepper for an equivalent height from base camp to the peak (like 8K ish vertical feet). I need to the math to figure out how long on the stair stepper that would be to see if it would be like a 2 or 3 day thing.

I kind of think that once every three weeks or so doing a more "extreme" gym session (or a couple over several days) would be good for my fitness level and help my body burn. If anybody else has suggestions to a fun concept of a challenge that could be done in the gym I'm open.

Not sure I'm quite brave enough to try it yet, but am toying with the idea.


Looking forward to next week
Well the last two weeks have been easy at home weeks. My work schedule has allowed for good gym time, and I frankly have had no real barriers to having two great weeks.

Now it gets harder! I leave tomorrow for a trip up north and don't return home until late Thu night. And even Friday is already packed when I am at home. This week will for sure be a lot tougher, but another chance for me to succeed with my travel behavior changes I've targeted.

Hopefully I'll have enough time to keep this thread updated with my success or failures, hopefully more of the former.

1st mini-success... I actually checked to make sure I am staying in a hotel with a mini-fridge. So I plan to stop by a grocery store between the airport and hotel to pick up a few things...

Nice job on the 3 pounds!!! especially on week 7, keep it up!!! I am going back to gym today, I walked/jogged Sunday for about 2 miles, but it was to the local Eagles Club where I drank beer and gained back the calories I lost in the short distance!!!! But so far so good.

Thanks again for this blog, it helps me stay on track, just got done doing 40 min eliptical and I feel great, really pushed myself, feels good to actually do something positive.

Thanks again and you keep going and u will be to 200# in no time!!!

Tuesday Jan 26th - First time in 6 years

For the first time since I started this job that requires a lot of travel, I darkened the door of a grocery store. Bought some food for my trip here to help with dinners/snacks/etc.

Anyway really happy I did that, would have been so much easier to hit a restaurant or fast food on the way in and start relaxing sooner...

EDIT:
Ok haha, very funny. Which one of you jokers decided to phone my hotel ahead of time and instead of the typical pillow mint, replaced it with an entire normal sized bag of M&M's?!?!?!! Seriously? Really?

Lucky for me I didn't notice them until I had eaten my fill of more reasonable food I picked up at the grocery store. So I threw them in the trash (literally). Take that!

Fantastic! I think even if the gym didn't burn calories, it adds so much energy and makes you feel better that that alone makes it worth it.

I remember when I was gaining a lot and would go to the gym like once every 2 months. Afterwards I would always think "This feels great, why don't I do it more often".

I find it weird that I can go to the gym feeling sluggish, work hard for an houra, and feel better when I leave. But I'll take it

Keep going, be sure to post when you get out of the 3's!

Thanks for the encouragment. I still have not reached the 300 # mark and I can;t understand it yet, it went up a pound, but I have been eating and exercising more?? Oh well I have only been working out solid for a week, and I will be montioring my calories more closely. I will get there!!!

I feel great after working out, my back had been hurting from actually working muscles that have not been used in quite sometime!!!! But after I worked out yesterday I felt great!!!!

Continued luck on your quest, and keep up the good work!!!

Thanks again tucker