My mom was trying to get myself and my two sisters to get together in front of the christmas tree to take a picture that she could put in the christmas cards she is planning to send to our friends and family....
I threw a fit. She wasn't even giving us time to get ready, she wanted it right NOW, and I'm still in my work clothes, I have hat hair...I'm a complete mess...and I went down and took one picture, it looked TERRIBLE, she wanted to take another and I just didn't want to do it anymore and I said I had homework to do and I came back upstairs...
Now they're trying to get me to go take another one because my sister's eyes were closed...but I don't want to. They're not giving me time to get ready...and I already look like a fat *** standing next to my sisters, the last thing I want is to look like a frumpy gross fat ***....
its just so frustrating. I don't want to be in the picture...I told them to take one without me and send it out, because I don't want to be in it and I look like crap...
I was thinking it really was just because of my hair and clothes and what not, but the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing how much confidence I've LOST since I started my weight loss journey...
I guess maybe it's because before I didn't let myself care about my size or how I look...and now that I'm motivated and I want to be skinny, it bothers me more that I'm not. I used to be comfortable around my bf, now I'm really not...physically at least. I'm afraid of him seeing the beginnings of my loose saggy skin on my belly. I'm afraid of people seeing pictures of me because of how unevenly I've been losing (a lot has come off my waist, but not much off my arms)...
I'm not confident and I'm not happy and I WANT to lose the weight, but what happens when I get there? I'm going to have all this ugly saggy skin, and I'm probably still not going to be confident.....I don't know...I'm just getting very frustrated. I have lost 40 lbs, I'm supposed to feel better about myself...but it seems like I just feel worse =/
congratulations on the 40 lbs so far! I feel similarly about people seeing me right now, even though i look a little better than i did i don't look like what i thought i'd look like and thats very frustrating to someone as goal oriented as i am. I also feel really awkward about people noticing me now - in a lot of ways i'm a lot less confident, and i was never confident to begin with. But if it helps, i did receive an encouraging piece of advice: "new things are always unnerving, why should this be any different?" I guess we just have to give ourselves time to adjust and learn. in a lot of ways confidence is an acquired skill.
I agree, new things are always scary And before I started my own journey, I never was so critical of my body because I never really looked at it. It slike you said, I didnt let myself care, I might have thought "My arms are too big" or whatever but I didnt look at them and go "well the shape of the fat hanging off my arms is now approaching the shape of an egg in a bag, while my thighs are begining to look a bit too stick like for my liking, making me look like a giant candy apple on a stick..."
So thats a long way of saying that i also have lost some confidence I say, even though it is hard, be proud of your uneven loss! A loss is a loss and anyone commenting on how uneven it looks in photos is either jealous or an a$$ I bet if you send out photos of you at xmas you would receive positive feedback. You might even motivate others to make new years resolutions!
Dont worry about the saggy skin. You can cross that bridge when you come to it. You dont know how bad its going to be anyway, it might not be as bad as you imagine, and worrying wont change how it turns out anyway
I absolutely started losing confidence when I started losing weight.
Suddenly, I became hyper-aware of every calorie I was consuming, every ounce of fat I had on me and the insurmountable amount of weight I carry around daily. I got into a major argument with my GF about not wanting to go out because i didn't have enough time to try on everything I own to see what makes me look the least fat, something I never cared about before.
But I think you can't let it derail you. You're going to be a heather person and you will start to love your body again (I'm hoping this is true). At the very least, you know you're not alone
Okay - first words of wisdom come from my Mother : "Well, what did you expect to see???? A supermodel???"
Ok, that expression never helped me.... but I still think it is a bit funny and worth sharing.
Secondly, taking pictures in front of a christmas tree is a hideous experience, for skinny and fat. We ALL cringe. But, its just something we have to do.
My BEST words of wisdom: NEVER ever look at the picture! Just take it for the sake of the family, get it out of your mind, and move on. When they flash the instant image from the digital camera in your face, just blur your eyes, pretend to look at it, and say "OH yeah, that looks fine". I do this every time and the little bit of self-esteem that I do actually have remains intact.
I used to struggle to get out of pictures- always putting up a fight. Now I just take the stupid picture and I don't look at the result.
In a way, I think you might be taking the general dreaded-picture-experience too far and thus casting a negative light on all your progress.
40lbs is a huge weightloss - it must feel good that all your old clothes are baggy. EVERYONE loves that feeling.
By the way, I also have, genetically, larger arms and a smaller waist. I do have some extra skin on my arms from weight loss... causing them to look even larger.... funny thing is - NO one has ever even noticed but me. I have to literally point to the sagging skin and jiggle it a bit before they say "OH, I never noticed that."
Even my hot german jogger boyfriend has never said a word. He has never touched my upper arms in a strange way. Somehow he doesn't SEE what I SEE.
I have to say. I had to take a picture for a scholarship I won. Back when I was in the 190s. Although the picture was painful to look at. I remind myself of pilsbury dough boy, it is a good way to seed where I have come from and WHERE I do not want to go again. The picture is on my fridge. A couple of times when I have wanted to binge. I look at that picture, and put the chips down. I think it is helpful to be completely honest with yourself. Ok you look heavy in the picture. BMI states you are heavy. So what? Now is your chance to take control. Yes, it's scary, but others have done it and so can you.
I think your family should have given you a few moments to get yourself together. Usually people dress up before taken Christmas tree shots. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Thanks guys, its definitely good to know I'm not the only one who has gone/ is going through this kind of thing. I was worried there was something wrong...because I guess I assumed as I started my weight loss journey, that the further along I got, the more confident I'd be. I was definitely wrong to assume...lol.
So you guys know, after I posted the original post I did put on a nicer shirt and try to make my hair not look so terrible, and then went back downstairs and took another picture with my sisters. Once again, I looked horrible, but just because of my size (especially standing next to my short, skinny sisters), and not because of my clothes or hair. I guess I figure so what if I look fat this year, that will just make everyone all the more surprised when I'm skinny in the picture next year. =D
Okay - first words of wisdom come from my Mother : "Well, what did you expect to see???? A supermodel???"
Ok, that expression never helped me.... but I still think it is a bit funny and worth sharing.
that is funny.
I agree your mom should have given you a little more time to doll yourself up, it's a photo going out to family. but remember, your mom and sis don't see your "flaws," they see that you've lost weight, think you look great, and may not understand why you don't feel more jazzed about your appearance (and during xmas there's that pressure of the long to-do list).
sometimes I feel like losing weight is like using a big magnifying glass on my body. like other people here have said, I'm constantly paying attention to things I blocked out before.
what happens when you get there is that you have accomplished a job that's difficult, takes focus and effort, that you can feel proud of. you'll have improved your health, the quality of your life, your looks (I know you don't feel that way now), you'll buy clothes you love that you'll look great in. you'll be more active and excited about life. just give yourself a chance to adjust and accept the body you have, flaws and all. I know it's hard, I struggle with it too, and I still have a bunch of weight to lose.
I guess I figure so what if I look fat this year, that will just make everyone all the more surprised when I'm skinny in the picture next year. =D
GREAT way to look at it!! I love that!! Did you happen to take a pic like that last year?? If so, I think would be neat to compare last year's pic with this year's pic...40lbs is a big loss!! If you don't have one from last year, I really think you should get a copy of this years pic...and then compare it to next year's!
I've been trying to deal with body image issues by basically forcing myself to think positive thoughts about myself. Don't tell yourself you looked horrible in that photo...first of all, from an objective standpoint, it's just not true--you are a very pretty girl. We all feel like slobs from time to time, but after you combed your hair and put on a clean shirt I bet you looked as good as anyone can look in a family Christmas portrait lol. Telling yourself you look horrible is counterproductive and probably has more to do with feelings your having, I'm guessing about how you feel in relation to your sisters, than how you actually look. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings of dissatisfaction with your body, I just want to encourage you to try to see things differently, even if it takes a Stuart Smalley style daily affirmation It may feel fake at first, but it really does start to stick--that's my motto, Fake It Till You Make It!!
Last edited by forestroad; 12-02-2009 at 11:03 AM.
I've just started at this weight loss journey and I'm a newbie. I know where you're coming from.. I always DREAD photos with my family and friends, anywhere, anyday..I'm always thinking.. do i look fat? do i look bad? What will other people think of the photo?
Like bonnie said..just stop caring and move on. Thats what i started doing and it's doing me good b/c im not stressing out. It's also a lil motavation boost for me, I look at the picture and i tell myself, "I'll look thinner next year."
It's just a good reminder of what your/we all are doing and why your/we doing it. To never go back to that way again! LOL Everyone is doing a awesome job with their weight loss, hopefully i will too! I'm just a beginner so i would like all the support your getting DevineFedilty!
Girl I could have written this post I feel EXACTLY like you do. I went shopping with my sister the other day who is TINY (a freaking mini Britney Spears pre-pregnancy) and she's getting these cute outfits- these adorable shoes, and so on. The whole time I'm thinking "ug my fat arse can't fit into that!" I was so upset afterwards honestly.
Girl I could have written this post I feel EXACTLY like you do. I went shopping with my sister the other day who is TINY (a freaking mini Britney Spears pre-pregnancy) and she's getting these cute outfits- these adorable shoes, and so on. The whole time I'm thinking "ug my fat arse can't fit into that!" I was so upset afterwards honestly.
Just keep it up- eventually we'll get there.
I don't have sisters but I always feel that way with my friends. Even though I'm probably a little smaller than a couple of them now that I've lost some weight (hard for me to see it), I still feel like the "fat friend"...I even felt that way being with them in high school...and I was really skinny!
I know how you feel. Camera's are evil evil things. Cameras in the hands of family members are even worse!
I always tell myself not to look at the pictures but I always do, secretly hoping I'll be pleasantly surprised. So far, I haven't been.
And about the whole small waist big arm thing, I'm so with you on that one. I've always had a tiny waist but hold weight on my arms and upper thighs. I hate it but I do like my tiny waist :P Take the good with the bad I guess.
I guess I'm not as confident as I thought...
And before I started my own journey, I never was so critical of my body because I never really looked at it. It slike you said, I didnt let myself care, I might have thought "My arms are too big" or whatever but I didnt look at them and go "well the shape of the fat hanging off my arms is now approaching the shape of an egg in a bag, while my thighs are begining to look a bit too stick like for my liking, making me look like a giant candy apple on a stick..." 
I bet if you send out photos of you at xmas you would receive positive feedback. You might even motivate others to make new years resolutions!
It may feel fake at first, but it really does start to stick--that's my motto, Fake It Till You Make It!!
