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Old 11-21-2009, 06:03 AM   #1  
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Default The death of my cheat day

Up until this point, my plan has always allowed for cheat days. I like going out. I enjoy going out on dates to restaurants with my husband- the atmosphere, the food, maybe a couple drinks. And, I feel that these cheat days have helped me, because many times, they have shaken up my metabolism and prevented me from stalling out for too long. They also keep me from feeling deprived. I can easily stay on plan the rest of the week now, if I "let it all out" one day a week.

But I only do well if the cheat day is just that... a day. If it becomes 2 or 3, then I am in trouble.

I am going to be starting BFL soon, and I was thrilled to see that he is also an advocate for the cheat day. That in itself makes me feel like it's a plan that I could see following for life.

However, my husband may force me to give up the cheat day forever, and honestly, I am pretty upset about it.

Last night, we went out for Chinese food at my favorite Chinese place. They have some of THE BEST chinese food I have ever had. Seriously amazing stuff, with very high quality ingredients. So, we went, I had sesame chicken and fried rice, and it was delicious. But, the serving they gave me.... INSANE. I mean, I could eat it for 3 whole days and still not finish it. So, I ate what I could and the girl packed up the rest of it for me, and we went home.

Two hours after I got home, I found myself munching on the leftovers. Which was fine... it was my cheat day. But when I finished, I realized that I needed to get the rest out of the house. Today, I get back on plan, and having chinese food in the house is very dangerous. So, I tell my husband I want to throw the rest out.

And he gets mad at me. He tells me I am "wasting money". And I tell him, "Well, if this is going to be how it is, and I am not ALLOWED to do what I want with my own food, then I guess we're not going out anymore."

And, that's where we left off last night.

My husband has always been like this. At work, he eats the leftover birthday cake from parties every day until it's gone because "it needs to get eaten." If my mom sends us food (food I don't ask for), he eats it because "if we don't eat it, we are wasting money". He will even go as far (this is gross) as to eat lunch meat, which smells bad and is way past the good date, because "we paid for it, so it can't be wasted."

My husband also hangs onto things he never uses for the same reason.

I remember watching "I can make you thin" with Paul McKenna, and he talked about this problem. And his reasoning made sense to me... no one else is going to benefit from this food. I can't save other people by keeping this food. And, the money was already spent on the food... it's not like I am going to get additional monetary charges for every day I don't eat it. So, I have no problem throwing out food if I am not interested in eating it anymore.

What do I do? just give up cheat days for good? It's not my fault most restaurants serve ungodly portions. But, I don't think I am going to be able to get through to my husband on this one. We've been arguing (not yelling, just disagreeing) about this same concept for almost our entire marriage, and I am tired of fighting about it.

*plays Taps to signal the death of the cheat day*

Last edited by LittleMoonRabbit; 11-21-2009 at 06:03 AM.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:34 AM   #2  
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I'd go for a compromise which saves money and doesn't waste food. I'd split the food into portions as soon as I got it home and freeze it. I'd eat the rest on other "cheat days", or your husband could eat the leftovers when he was in the mood since he's so worried about the food going to waste. You might take three weeks to finish off all of the leftovers, but you'd still be able to go out once or twice a month rather than give up the entire experience.

That being said, I don't really believe in cheat days. I just eat small portions of what I want all of the time to stave off deprivation, but I realize that different approaches work for different people and don't begrudge anyone their choices.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:51 AM   #3  
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Let's assume cheat days (or at least cheat meals) do work for you and you want to include them in your plan.

One approach would be to avoid ordering too much food. Most Chinese places serve family style, so you could split an entree and have a small appetizer or soup. DH should love that plan bc you will spend less on the food.

Another approach is to have a better plan for dealing with leftovers. I find that if I freeze something in an opaque container, it doesn't bother me any more. I often forget about it. Or, if you have a dog, you could give it to the dog as a treat (dog treats are pretty expensive!).

Ideally, you could try to talk things out with your husband so that he can understand your point of view. If he can't overcome the guilt of throwing out food (many folks have a lot of difficulty with that) then maybe he could agree to eat any leftovers for lunch? Freeze them until he gets around to eating them.

If that doesn't work out, maybe you could just flush it down the toilet when hubby isn't around. You may not feel good about doing something he doesn't approve of, but it's your body not his. I feel it's just ending up in the same place without depositing any harmful excess calories in your body along the way.

Good luck -- I hope you find something that works for you!
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:37 AM   #4  
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Are there restaurants you like that have a buffet option, so that you can take only as much food as you want to eat? Places where you can order a child's portion or smaller portion? Possible to order a la carte, instead of getting dishes for the table?

As for your husband's problem with throwing out food--he needs to see that once food is old, and especially spoiled (like the lunchmeat) it is NO LONGER food--it is garbage. Garbage gets thrown out, no matter how much it cost originally.

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Old 11-21-2009, 07:43 AM   #5  
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screaming- I am going to try the freezing idea. I don't know how it's going to work. I have a tendency to forget about food that I stick in the freezer, and by the time I pull it out months later, it's covered with freezer burn. But, it seems like the best compromise for the immediate situation at hand.

Different approaches do work for different people. I tried the "little portions of my favorite food" approach, and it just doesn't work for me. My biggest problem is portion control (with my favorite foods). So, if I limit myself to one day a week, I don't have that problem. I've lost over 40 lbs this way, so my feeling is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

yoyoma- splitting an entree wouldn't work very well for us. I have suggested it to him before. My husband says it embarrasses him for us to only get one dish and split it. He thinks the servers would think we're weird. So, that's a no-go. However, it was a good suggestion, and I wish we could do it that way.

He also refuses to eat my leftovers. I have asked him before, and he gets mad because now I am forcing him to eat unhealthy food longer than I am eating it, and he thinks it should be "fair." We had this discussion the last time my mom sent us home with cake, and I only had one piece. He ate the rest of it, and then got mad at me because I didn't eat the same amount.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:44 AM   #6  
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Jay, I have to go to work- but I wanted to say the buffet idea is a great idea... it would be a good compromise I think.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:47 AM   #7  
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Maybe you and your husband could share a meal so there are no leftovers. Alot of people do this. There is a place that we go to that has a more expensive meal that we like. We order that one meal (it comes with a broth soup for appetizer) and I just order an extra soup. They actually split the meal up for us before they bring it out. It works out perfect for us.


ETA: OOPS, I just saw that splitting is not an option, sorry.

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Old 11-21-2009, 08:12 AM   #8  
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I think these hang ups that your husband has have nothing to do with your diet, and letting them affect your progress would be a big mistake for you, one that could end up with you feeling resentful at his attempts to sabotage your weightloss. His issues with food and money have nothing to do with your body, you have to accept that in order to make this right I'm afraid.

Everybody has been taught at one time or another to not waste food, to clear their plate, and to eat the food they buy. But to what extent can you take this.... you really want to hold on to 3 days of eating fried rice? Is there a less expensive food than rice? It's not like you're throwing out fois gras, caviar, and $24/per pound prosciutto.. it's rice. It's your husband's perrogative to eat moldy lunch meat, more power to him. But that does not make him a saint or a martyr (it only makes him feel like one) and making you feel guilty over those actions does not help either of you, nor your wallets, nor your waistlines.

If my husband finds green deli meat in the fridge he'll eat it, but if he doesn't find it it's because I've thrown it out without him ever having to know about it. If he asks where it is I tell him I ate it. It's not the kind of lie that will destroy a marriage, but it's necessary if I want to keep his conscience clear.

Find a way to get rid of the food without telling him about it. Telling him or letting him see you do it only causes grief for both of you because honestly, he's too ingrained with this mentality to really change at this point. And if he can't compromise with you then what business do you have compromising with him?

Why give up your cheat day over someone else's insecurities about money? Believe me, even if you do this issue will arise in some other way at some other time. Your diet ain't the problem.
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:42 AM   #9  
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Wannabeskinny Very well said.
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:59 AM   #10  
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I completely second wannabe's post. That is exactly what I would suggest. If your husband has a problem with food and money, start disposing of unwanted food when he is not around. The best times to do so are when he is in the shower or out on an errand. This is actually the best way because he won't be "forced" into eating more food than you and you get to remove temptation. If it's a case of the garbage smelling and him finding out, put the food in a separate plastic bag, tie it securely and throw that into the garbage.

My husband absolutely hates dairy, but a few of the dishes I make require them for taste so I do add it anyway. I cook dinner before he comes home or when he's in the shower so I add it and he's none the wiser. In fact, if I don't add it, he says something's off.

It's not going to hurt your marriage if you hide certain things like this. It's helping the two of you out in the long run.
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Old 11-21-2009, 09:02 AM   #11  
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lol i kinda wish my husband cared a little more about the money he wastes on food he just throws out - but he doesn't.

I was thinking, is there a combination meal at this chinese please? My work do it (chinese) and its a serving for one person... Small soup or egg roll, serving of rice, serving of meal of your choice. Its cheaper and much smaller. Even having said that, they let me get steamed vegetables instead of rice sometimes. It sounds like you bought a 2 person portion (if its anything similar to where i work)
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Old 11-21-2009, 09:11 AM   #12  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMoonRabbit View Post
splitting an entree wouldn't work very well for us. I have suggested it to him before. My husband says it embarrasses him for us to only get one dish and split it. He thinks the servers would think we're weird. So, that's a no-go. However, it was a good suggestion, and I wish we could do it that way.
Your husband sounds like MY husband. Splitting a meal is embarrassing...sending food back is embarrassing...asking questions of the waiter/waitress is also embarrassing. His whole family is that way, though, which makes it where I can't take my OWN pizza or salad (from one of my other posts yesterday) to a party at his mom's house because they'd be embarrassed for some odd reason.

It's hard to deal with eating better, living with someone who's that way and still keeping the peace...
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Old 11-21-2009, 09:39 AM   #13  
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Quote:
I think these hang ups that your husband has have nothing to do with your diet, and letting them affect your progress would be a big mistake for you, one that could end up with you feeling resentful at his attempts to sabotage your weightloss. His issues with food and money have nothing to do with your body, you have to accept that in order to make this right I'm afraid.
My thoughts exactly!
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:51 AM   #14  
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I see two long term problems with your husband's feelings.

1. Eventually, you're not going to be dieting anymore, you're going to be maintaining. As a maintainer, I don't bring home restaurant food. Restaurant food is much higher in calories, fat and sodium than the way I normally eat, it must be limited to a single night event. Is he going to force you to eat high cal leftovers - when restaurant portions are the culprit - for your entire life?

2. How is this "clean your plate" attitude going to affect any kids you have.

Good luck with this - I would almost suggest getting some counseling from your pastor or some neutral third party.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:55 AM   #15  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMoonRabbit View Post
screaming- I am going to try the freezing idea. I don't know how it's going to work. I have a tendency to forget about food that I stick in the freezer, and by the time I pull it out months later, it's covered with freezer burn.
And the problem with that is? Sounds win-win to me. You get to throw it out in the end, but get to blame it on the freezer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMoonRabbit View Post
He also refuses to eat my leftovers. I have asked him before, and he gets mad because now I am forcing him to eat unhealthy food longer than I am eating it, and he thinks it should be "fair." We had this discussion the last time my mom sent us home with cake, and I only had one piece. He ate the rest of it, and then got mad at me because I didn't eat the same amount.
Oh goodness, I'm speechless.
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