[srmb60]

As a moderator ... I'd like to remind you all of our report feature here at 3FC. In the bottom left corner of each post, there is a red exclamation point. If a post is hurtful, not helpful etc ... you can report it.

With regard to Lincoln Sparrow's observation about phrasing ... yes, that is a problem on the internet where the typed word and anonymity often combine into harshness. And yes there are some folks who are a bit heavy handed with the "tough love" and the "truth as I see it".

However ... for the most part people care and want to help. It is my hope that folks who recommend professional help have had it and found it helpful.

Another "function of the system" note is that we have a private messaging system that works quite beautifully if you'd like a clarification of someone's post.

[Trudiha]

Originally Posted by Ufi

Since when is it OK for a support group to be rough and tumble? Aren't those concepts kind of at odds? I didn't think we were here to bludgeon each other into weight loss, unless someone is ASKING for a kick in the pants.

Firstly, I'd like to make it clear that I think that there is a very obvious difference between a Support Group and an online supportive community. Support groups tend to be facilitated by either a professional or someone with an awful lot of experience of the problem being discussed. They tend to be very tough.

Of course no one here is asking to be bludgeoned into weight loss or anything else and I've never seen that happening. However, I think that most of us want a little more than just to be agreed with because that isn't really supportive or in the least helpful.

If I were to stake a totally unrealistic goal, I'd hope and expect that someone would offer the kind of real kindness that would come from pointing out to me that I was being unrealistic. If I were to start complaining about a lack of weight loss while not keeping an eye on what I was eating, rather an a chorus of 'too bad' I'd much prefer someone pointed out the error of my ways. Of course I'd want the person to do this with kindness and consideration (no bludgeoning) but I'd rather the truth.

If someone does have issues that are beyond the expertise of the group I think that it's much kinder and humane to say that than to pretend that everything is going to be alright when they find the right eating plan.

Finally, I think that you should only ask a bunch of strangers for advice when you know that you are robust enough to deal with a few replies that you aren't going to agree with. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up to be hurt.

[Lincolns Sparrow]

What fantastic replies! This group is truly amazing!!!

I expected some aged fruit to be thrown my way, but that didn't happen, or happened minimally. I have a tendency to become defensive and do not want to do that here.

A few comments, then I'll reread the thread and say more - maybe.

Adjusting food intake to bodily needs "should be" an entirely normal, automatic behavior. For most of us, it is far from that. At the very least, we become preoccupied with food, weight, body image. Hungry or satiated, eating occupies far too much of our thoughts, time, energy.

What that means is that we (such persons) are all aberrant to a greater or lesser degree. To me, that's a given. We can all put to use "someone with whom to talk," and that's why we are here.

However! However, some of us will have other, serious emotional handicaps that would/should benefit from more "professional" care. Persistent suicidal thoughts, mania, major depression, schizophrenia are some that come to mind. In those situations, the person is about as vulnerable as it is possible to be and needs great diplomacy in the suggestion of getting more skilled assistance.

[Lincolns Sparrow]

I neglected to answer a question, about the degree of disability of my clients, so here goes.........

I worked mostly in public clinics and hospitals, for a while in the emergency mental health service of a general hospital, attached to the emergency department. In most of those settings, there was much opportunity to select the clients with whom I worked long-term. That was wonderful, because I chose people whom a lot of other therapists wished to avoid - those severely disabled by their mental/emotional difficulties.

Why? Because it was those folks who taught me the most about strengths under adversity and helped me build enormous respect for people who had given up on themselves and who had been swept aside by their community, even their families.

[nelie]

Since this is a weight loss site, we also see quite a bit of disordered eating and potentially disordered eating habits. Sometimes people really need someone who is a professional that deals specifically deal with those issues and other times it may just be a good idea. Although we sometimes see extreme cases (someone who is 100 lbs and wants to lose more weight), most other times it is less subtle.