I have been a self abuser since as far back as I cant remember. I just had to pickup where everyone else left off. I put on the FAT suit on and no one bothers me especially the opposite sex. its feels good. that's the first time I've had the guts to say that to anyone.
That took courage. Does it feel better now that you got that out? Glad you felt comfortable to share that here
Quote:
Originally Posted by whip1
I guess it all boils down to finding yourself worthy of happiness and health no matter what your past was like. its just that the past so why give the past an opportunity to spoil your future I wish I would have figured that out sooner. better late than never. I refuse to feed the Monster anymore...
Thanks for the Hugs! here's a Big Hug for all who needs one
^You got it Whip! I think finding your self-worth is empowering
I was heavy as a child but not overly so. Not slim, but I was still pretty active. I was an avid soccer player and a competitive Irish step dancer. (think Riverdance). When I put on a little bit of weight at 12, my mom and i did WW together and I was down at about a size 10 for a long time.
At 13, I tore a ligament in my right ankle and had to give up everything I loved because I physically couldn't play sports or dance any longer. About the same time, I started having issues with my period and was left with a unsure diagnosis of PCOS, due to a bad gyno. She told me to lose weight (which I was struggling with already due to the injury/surgery) and left me to deal with the rest of the side-effects.
At that point, I felt like my body was failing me. I was 14 years old, couldn't do anything I wanted, was faced with major surgery, was frantic about my reproductive health...and I stopped caring about what I put into my body. When my period would get bad, I would try and lose weight, only to be derailed by another injury.
By 16, I was a size 16. by 18, I was a 20. I was highly depressed and eating fast food almost daily because I didn't want to be home where I had healthy options. I was also self-injuring and that "too full, going to be sick" feeling was another way I could hurt myself for not being good enough. Or, conversely, I wouldn't eat for days, hurting my metabolism further. basically, I was hurting myself because I was fat and therefore not perfect...and I kept myself fat to ensure that I could continue hurting myself.
Wow, that was long, and more than people needed to know. But I find this thread interesting. The reasoning behind obesity is so interesting and this thread just blows the idea that all overweight people are just lazy out of the water.
wow, Ducky - that is hugely self aware....and tweaks a few thoughts of my own. And here's me thinking I'd therapied myself in to no secrets from myself! Good for you!!!!!
Thanks Habisham. Its taken...three years for me to get to a point where I can put something like that in print, although im incapable of verbalizing everything.
Oh what strange and interesting lives we all live...
I don't have to think about it. I know. It was a combination of loving to eat, moving around less as I got older (especially trading my bicycle for a car), and just ignoring my weight and telling myself that it really wasn't that bad and I couldn't realistically do anything about it anyways.
For me, losing weght and keeping it off has been a challenge that I have to pay attention to everyday. It's hard, and worth it. But I do know that if I stop constantly monitering my weight, I would be up to my bad old self sooner rather than later.
These past months of weightloss have taught me exactly why I reached 280 before I turned 23. I had NO clue just what was in food, or what a real day's worth of food looked like. I was gorging on as much as 4000 calories a day. I liked the "real" stuff... no diet soda or fake butter for me! I shunned greens and ate pizzas and cheeseburgers. Exercise? Pfah! A comfy chair in front of the computer is my exercise.
And oddly enough, studying food and diet has saved me from gaining weight again, even when I screw up and binge. I don't BINGE anymore, I just binge. Because I know what the cost is if I go all out.
Last edited by Jo Kittibuck; 10-17-2009 at 12:29 AM.
Ugh yes I didn't even realize I go this big until I look at pictures of myself with friends. I have become afraid of cameras because I can't stand looking at myself and having everyone see how big I am. It's weird when I don't look at myself for a long time I think I'm smaller than I am but I'm not
Yes...because i'm lazy, hate exercise and love to eat...and being fat is what I get...I'd rather be skinny and healthy and doing things that I dont really love doing lol
I can identify with so much that has been posted here.
For me, food was my only friend. Youngest of 7, the only girl (that brothers had no use for), Mother died when I was ten but had been sick for a while before that, a sensitive personality in a non-sensitive family, inappropriate touching that I was made to feel was my fault, basically felt left out of everything. But wait, food is always there. It only takes a quarter to get chips and candy at the corner store (inflation has raised that price). Food is never too busy for me. Food won't reject me. And if I'm fat, I have something to blame for not being liked. Boy oh boy oh boy.
Take overeating to deal with the feelings from all that and add that I now lead a totally sedentary life. 10,000 steps a day - ha, I bet I don't even get 500. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. Sit in car, drive to work. Sit at desk all day. Sit in car, drive home. Sit on couch for an hour or more. Go to bed. Repeat. After 43 years I end up at 314 lbs.
But.....today while standing at the fax machine waiting for a confirmation page, I did some arm circles, waist twists, and side-to-side steps. It's a start.
Good for you!!!!!
