Tonight I'm going to a funeral. It's an old friend of my husband's who died suddenly. My husband & I had moved across town 20 years ago. Many of these people I haven't seen in that long. I'm sure you guys know where I'm going with this: I've gained weight since then.... 55 pounds, from 130 to 185. I was only 23 years old then.... now, my goal isn't even to be that thin! I just want get down to 150.
The kicker: dh may have one or two old girlfriends there. As if old friends aren't bad enough! Of course, with my luck~, they'll be aging like movie stars
Maybe my imagination is making this out to be worse that it will be... but I'm dreading it. I'm so embarrassed about my appearance. My husband looks better than ever. Ugh. Thanks for listening.
If it were a cocktail party then maybe people would notice you've put on a few pounds, but at a funeral, no one will be worrying about what you look like. Fortunately for you the attention will be on the deceased and his family. They should be getting ALL the attention today. Sorry about your hubby's friend.
I went to my high school reunion. I graduated from high school 40 years and 100 pounds ago. I decided in my mind to feel and act beautiful. I stood up straight, did my hair, makeup, wore my nice clothes etc. And you know what? I had two separate guys come up to me and tell me I was beautiful. And I could tell they weren't kidding. So you are beautiful too. Just believe it. (The old "fake it 'til you make it.)
Please, in 20 years how many of those people have also put on the weight? I agree it's a funeral, the focus is going to be on the family of the dearly departed. And if not, who cares-really if you haven't kept up with these people and you only live across town it doesn't really matter what they say-well except if you are thin skinned like me, then you'll go home crying but keep saying "it doesn't matter"...
Sarah in MD
Sorry about your husband's friend.But really don't you think you are focusing on the wrong thing ? This isn't a style show it is a funeral. Concentrate on consoling the family and don't worry about how you look.
Sorry about your husband's friend.But really don't you think you are focusing on the wrong thing ? This isn't a style show it is a funeral. Concentrate on consoling the family and don't worry about how you look.
I know the family is grieving. It's some of the other "old friends" I really don't want to see. They were a catty bunch... which is one reason why we moved away in the first place.
I can tell my husband doesn't want to go, but it's the right thing to do to pay our respects. I don't mean to sound self-centered to be worrying about my appearance at a time like this, actually it's more that I'm self-conscious.
Funerals have different layers to them depending on whether you are paying your respects or truly experiencing severe grief. I have experienced both.
I hate these situations. I completely understand what you are going through. It's a sudden public appearance of the worst kind that you are not mentally prepared to make and that sucks. Its like someone just told you your high school reunion is tomorrow.
Since you are attending, no sense in making yourself crazy. Just try your best.
I second CJZee--hold your head up high, believe you are worth respect and try not to let others take that away from you.
Agreed, funerals have different layers. I mean, just because of responsibility or such, I've seen and in one (and doing it, I was in elementary back then.) of the funerals where people..were still goofing off.
It's definitely bad though, but just dress up your best and stand tall and don't ever be worried!
Words coming from tose who wouldn't spend the time consoling the deceased, and commenting upon your appearances, in a bad way, should probably not be heard anyway.
I know the family is grieving. It's some of the other "old friends" I really don't want to see. They were a catty bunch... which is one reason why we moved away in the first place.
I can tell my husband doesn't want to go, but it's the right thing to do to pay our respects. I don't mean to sound self-centered to be worrying about my appearance at a time like this, actually it's more that I'm self-conscious.
My condolences on your loss. I can relate to what you're saying. I don't think you're self-centered. It is one of the things that I hate about being overweight. It is always a part of every thought. I had to go to a funeral of someone very close to me recently. My thoughts were definitely in the appropriate spot, but I'd be lying if I didn't stress out when it came to thinking what could I put on that still fit and I could stand to be in for hours.
For me, being overweight has changed who I am. I wish it were different. I admire those who don't let being overweight define them. If you're already feeling self-conscious, being around anyone catty will exacerbate that.
I agree with the fake it til you make it philosophy. If you put on a confident face, it will help you get through it.
It is one of the things that I hate about being overweight. It is always a part of every thought.
That's it! "It is always a part of every thought." These are the exact words I was looking for. With everything I do, everywhere I go.... in the back of my mind is that little voice.... "You've gotten fat." That is what preoccupies me.
As it turns out, we arrived at the funeral home just as the two families -- ex-wife and children vs. new wife and step-children -- were beginning to brawl and several state police with dogs were arriving. It was the most whirlwind, insane, and pathetic situation I've ever seen. How ridiculous I feel that I even cared about my weight.
It is one of the things that I hate about being overweight. It is always a part of every thought.
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OK, so USE that energy, and awareness for good! You are unhappy with being overweight. YOU and ONLY you can change your situation.
I gotta tell you, every effort, every time you make a wise choice, every time that you stick to your plan instead of going the route of instant gratification is TOTALLY worth it.
I walk by a mirror - and I smile from ear to ear. I say a prayer of thanks that I am FINALLY in a place where I am thrilled with my size. It matches who I am inside. It is not a barrier, but a blessing.
This journey is one of a thousand choices. Fortunately, you only need to make one at a time. Thus, success is nothing but making this one right choice - over and over and over.
"Fat me" has to see the old crowd tonight
