I am going to be 54 next month and am still trying to undo the damage from when I was a kid and believed I was ugly and fat. My husband looks at pictures of me from back then and marvels that I ever thought that...especially the fat part. I was 5'4" and between 112 and 120 pounds. I was told I was ugly and fat and so believed it. My first husband made it worse when he walked out on me, telling me I was too fat to be desirable and wasn't the right woman for him. People can be so cruel...why don't you find something different that you like about yourself each day and write it down in a notebook. "I have pretty hair." "I have nice eyes." Positive self talk...that might help.
We have a tendency to see only the bad things about ourselves and not the great things that others see. I can tell you that I have a lazy right eye, I have a severe skin disorder that gives me patches on my arms and legs and I am overweight. But I am doing the best I can to not let those things define me. And now, a few months into this, I feel a lot better.. no doubt I have my bad days, and plenty of issues, but I am doing better and I am starting to like what I see in the mirror.
And although I've made changes with respect to my weight, I really think that now that I try and dress up a little I feel better. I put my make up every day, i straighten my hair and I wear clothes that fit and look good. These things have contributed big time to making myself feel better.
If you don't believe that you are pretty, pretend that you do and treat yourself like you are pretty.. eventually you will begin to believe it yourself.
I appreciate your struggle. I have such poor self body image. Even though weight is coming off on the scale, I have to be measured to really believe my size is changing. I still see the same person.
I really hope you find your way through this and can see your self as the beautiful woman that you are!
Thank you so much, everyone. I'm sorry I haven't replied before now...life has exploded here (the weight and self-image issues are part of the crisis). I should just sub to the thread!
A friend and I have become "buddies". We're egging each other on via facebook (secret groups!), and keeping track of our weight, measurements, but also photos of our faces and bodies. The plan (!) is to spur each other on and meet up frequently to talk about things (it's so easy for us to throw about excuses online), and once a month update our stats and photos.
I'm planning treats like a day at a posh spa when we've reached our next mini-goal. Does anyone else do that? Does it work?
Right now I'm kind of worried that I'll shoot myself in the foot before I've even begun. In terms of exercise, I've stayed on plan so far. But the crisis going on means that I've lost my appetite...so I'm having to almost force myself to eat (which is a unique experience) because I want to do it properly. But I'm scared that this will go the way of all the other times: I'll lose motivation and the weight will come back on.
Looking at the photos today confronted myself with what my body actually looks like. Don't get me wrong, I still find my hips repulsive (beginning to wonder whether my face might not in fact be something approaching pretty in an odd non-classical way). But another reaction I noticed was that I could focus on my horrible hips and that somehow spurs me on to really wanting to do something about it.
Ok, sorry, I'm rambling. Short post: THANK YOU, everyone, for chiming in. Especially with the comments on my pic...*blush*
I've taken the jump and made an appointment with my doctor about my "issues" - self-confidence and self-image. It's really hard for me to even consider the notion that I need therapy (I come from a background which kind of frowns on it), but I'm starting to see there's no other option.
I have used therapy in the past to deal with issues and I just can't recommend it highly enough. There is so much power in just taking the bull by the horns and doing something that is so "all about you" and taking the time to spend on your needs and thoughts. The safe place to talk things through and the various options/techniques can be so helpful. I really encourage you to follow through. Find someone you feel really good with and go for it. It's not weakness, it's strength to take care of yourself and not stick your head in the sand and wait for things to 'go away'. You look young (and lovely) in your picture and there's no reason to stay in a place where you aren't kind to yourself.
Hi Salsa
I do the very same thing I see myself as being fat and ugly. I do hope as the weight comes off that I will not be so hard on myself.
From Your picture you are no where near ugly so hopefully you will stop being so hard on yourself also.
I am the same way, I always think I am so fat and ugly no one would be interested in me. Granted I am am a big girl, but people tell me that I am pretty. The problem is I dont believe it. Part of this weight loss process for us all is to reconcile who you are on the inside with you are or right now on the outside. I have been to therapy on and off through the years. It can be very helpful to have someone to explore this with. There are also lots of books about self-esteem and body image. I encourage you to explore the resources. Even on this website there are other forums that focus on body image. Just keep in mind that this is a process and take babysteps. We are all here with you. Take care and have a good day.
We live in this perfectionist society, were weight seems to be one of the biggest obsessions, especially for women. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and only see my weight. My mother was a model in the 70s and my older half sister currently models. We see and hear about the negative stereotypes for women with bigger sizes, i think the key is to try and stay on a positive track. One of the most challenging things about keeping our goals is changing our mind set ... Believe me, i'm just now realizing that. It's an everyday struggle. I think an the end if we stick with it, and lose the weight for us and nobody else.. it'll all be worth.. If anything we'll gain alot more self esteem back knowing we tackled something and triumphed over it .
Last edited by CultSphere; 08-05-2009 at 02:43 PM.
Every woman I know has some kind of problem with self image, myself included. My b.f. always tells me how beautiful I am, but I just don't believe him. The wierd thing is, now that I weigh less, I'm actually more self concious. I think it's just something you have to work out for yourself. Like, try to figure out why exactly you think that about yourself. Therapy does help a lot if you get a good therapist so congrats on setting up an appointment. Oh, and if that avvie is a picture of you, you are indeed very pretty. =)
has anyone here been thin in the past and now is fat? I was very thin as a child and young adult, and remember how several times a day someone would make a comment about my body. "Oh, you're so thin!" "what size do you wear?" etc. etc... I HATED it and felt invaded every time it happened, but it happened daily, at least. Since I have gotten fat, I noticed that people don't comment on your weight if you are fat. stange, huh?
but what I am wondering right now is if anyone else has seriously thought about what you would do with yourself if you were not eating? I don't have any vices or hobbies except food. I can make a long list of things that I think I would "like" to be doing, but in truth, food is what is gratifying, affordable and available. Any comments?
"Wanting to"......... I can relate to your statement about food being available, gratifying etc. I'm a nighttime eater and I really think part of that is that my husband is in the military and is gone a LOT (and I mean a LOT), we have two kids and eating just became my evening, solitary activity. I can't leave the house because of the kids, so I ended up spending most of my time reading and eating. When hubby is home, this doesn't happen. Food was an "acceptable" vice in my mind and I honestly looked at it as a pleasurable activity that I had "earned" at the end of the day.
So, yes, I agree w/your statement. Hubby is gone now, but I'm trying to spend my evenings enjoying "my time" w/bubble baths, internet time, and writing. I'm still struggling w/the urge to start eating, but FINALLY I see it for what it really is.....dangerous to my health.
My b.f. always tells me how beautiful I am, but I just don't believe him. The wierd thing is, now that I weigh less, I'm actually more self concious.
Oh my. I really hope that doesn't happen to me! So if I understand right, this is something in my head that needs to change, and the physical changes are something different, and they (at least for me) have to happen because of health issues. They're two connected but distinct things?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cammieb
I think it's just something you have to work out for yourself. Like, try to figure out why exactly you think that about yourself. Therapy does help a lot if you get a good therapist so congrats on setting up an appointment. Oh, and if that avvie is a picture of you, you are indeed very pretty. =)
Thank you for the compliment
I went to see my doctor and am starting therapy. I'm very nervous about it. One the one hand I know that this is the time: I want to really get on and make the steps necessary to change myself. But on the other I suspect it means going into emotional baggage that I've been carrying for so, so long, and that sorting that out is going to be such a painful process.
But I hope I can emerge as a lovely butterfly afterwards
but what I am wondering right now is if anyone else has seriously thought about what you would do with yourself if you were not eating? I don't have any vices or hobbies except food. I can make a long list of things that I think I would "like" to be doing, but in truth, food is what is gratifying, affordable and available. Any comments?
When I was a teenager I tried to ignore my being overweight (unsuccesfully I might add...but it just festered) by, amongst other things, completely FILLING up all my time with stuff - sports teams I dropped pretty quickly, but there was choir, orchestras, church, drama club, wardrobe, school council, music lessons, music practise...all on top of school and homework (I was also avoiding being at home).
So now, whilst I'm not going to go overboard, I've decided to pick up some old fun hobbies - things I know I enjoy and will take up time. So I've contacted a couple of choirs to enquire about joining up and am taking language courses. Alongside work I think I'm constructing a balanced but full programme which means that because my meals are scheduled properly...I won't have so much time to sit on the couch and pig out.
