Oh, don't get me wrong. My hubby has always thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but now I'm getting more looks and attention when we're out and about, plus I feel better about myself in general so I tend to pay a little more attention to how I look and dress. It's more about his insecurities rather than thinking I couldn't do better before.

He has always been a little jealous, but now he's seeing more attention being paid, more looks coming my way he's a little worse. Not obsessively so or anything nuts. I just laugh at him and go about my business. I mean really after 21 years........I tell him that yes, he's just my temporary guy until someone better comes along, which just makes him realize what an idiot he's being.

At any rate, just makes me wonder if that's not what's going on with the OP's SO. Guys have the same insecurities we all do, they just tend to show it differently. That doesn't excuse it, but it may be something to talk about.

Originally Posted by EZMONEY:
Hang in there sweetie...but if it becomes a pattern...get the heck out! Us guys can be jerks...especially when drunk...

once...forget about it...

twice...don't forget about it for a loong time...

3 times...color yourself gone!

Amen.

I am so sorry that he made you feel that way:hug: That was completely uncalled for!
My husband had an affair with my best friend, or so I thought she was. He had always been a great husband and this just blindsided me. Of course I blamed it all on being overweight because who would want a fat wife huh? I did not eat hardly anything a week after I found out (on Mother's Day 2006) and lost about 11 pounds.
Anyway I made the decision to stay with him and I think that things are ok now but I have since lost 86 pounds and I am still going.
Sorry to make this about me, but I guess my point was to tell you that 90% of the time, a man straying has nothing to do with not being attracted to you but that he is getting his ego stroked by someone new. Please don't be down on yourself and let him know that you will not be treated that way, drunk or not!

Jen -

I was married to a man who sounds just like this. He drank too much, but I could never admit it. He flirted with other women but I said 'boys will be boys'. He devalued me, told me how hot he was, how other women were jealous of me, how lucky I was to have him. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me with those gorgeous women he spoke of, and I denied it. When I started to exercise while we were married he couldn't understand why I wanted to change since 'I love you just the way you are honey, and I'm a great catch everyone says so'. My entire relationship sounded like the text of your original post. He ignored me for days at a time, then was sweet and charming and I let him back in. By the time I stood up and moved out I had next to no self esteem left and could barely remember who I was. He was verbally abusive - and your SO seems to be as well.

You are beautiful and your needs are important. Sweet and charming the next day doesn't make his behavior okay. If you punch a person in the face and break there nose does saying you are sorry make it all better? Belittling you is abuse, eroding your confidence is abuse, and you don't have to live with that. Saying 'he was drunk, he didn't mean it' doesn't make it all right.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

:hug:

Originally Posted by melwolfe:
I'm just wondering if he's maybe starting to get a little insecure because you're getting slim, trim and hot? Maybe he's saying this sort of stuff hoping you'll stop losing weight.

I know my hubby sometimes gets a little nervous about me losing weight. I guess he thinks I'm going to lose weight and find a better model or something, please!! Like I really want to start over again at the beginning, not likely! God forbid, something ever happens to him, I will find myself a boy toy that I can use and send home when I'm done, I DO NOT want to start over!

At any rate, he may be trying to convince you that everyone wants him because he's worried that you're going to lose weight and find someone better. If not, then he really was an a** and he should really kiss yours to make up for those remarks!

Mel, it is interesting you said this. Because right before he erupted into this pathetic behavior. When he came home I was wearing outfits that REALLY show off my figure. Not real sleazy, but very noticable low cut, body skimming things. I was trying to get in some workouts. His guy friends were over. they come over quite a bit. I knew he was a little uneasy about me dressed like that, I purposely stayed out of their path. I was just working out in the house, or doing things in my room.

I have noticed whenever he sees me he almost frantically squeezes my fat rolls I have left--as if it was some assurance. He has been hurt in relationships really bad before. I would never hurt him though. But He will NOT treat me like garbage to make me feel insecure.

You have to understand this is the same man that says when I wear a full bathing suit with a skirt to hide my hips/thighs/butt. "But you're so beautiful? Why are you covering up?

Sorry, missed the last page when I started my post and I jumped right up on my soapbox crazy. :(

You sound like you are in a good place and know what you want from the relationship. Sorry I got all preachy. :)

Don't worry Shannon, I appreciate your advice, it was wholesome, and I will definitely keep an eye on THIS behavior!

I hope he learns from this and realizes that what he said was hurtful- glad you talked it out.

Your SO is behaving like an ***. This has NOTHING to do with your weight. It has to do with HIS disloyalty. Basically he's telling you that if he got the chance he would sleep with someone else. The issue is not that you're overweight and he's "handsome". It's an issue of CHARACTER, not attractiveness. I'm very overweight and I wouldn't dream of letting my husband speak to me like that, and neither would my husband.

Men are wired differently from women. I don't doubt that it's impossible for any man to be in a room full of attractive women and not think about sleeping with them. But if he's in a committed relationship he shouldn't rehearse it, and then tell you about it! He should try to nip those thoughts in the bud, IMO. If he wants to be with other women, then you should allow him that freedom by making him single.

Originally Posted by EZMONEY:
Hang in there sweetie...but if it becomes a pattern...get the heck out! Us guys can be jerks...especially when drunk...

once...forget about it...

twice...don't forget about it for a loong time...

3 times...color yourself gone!

Yep yep, I agree!

I say milk it too. You can probably get more than yard work out of this! *evil giggle*

I'm so glad things are improving and hope that if this crops up again, you maintain your no tolerance attitude! And it definitely sounds like his own insecurity could be rearing its ugly head to cause some of these problems.