[Bette k]

If the friend is single it probibly is that he just doesn't like to eat alone. He also doesn't want to put you out by having you cook for him so he is thinking if you go out to eat together then he doesn't have to cook for you. There is no obligation for him to return the home made meal which he may not know how to do. Maybe if he wants to socialize over food offer a cook out or picnic, he supplies the meat and you make the salad and veges, then the guys can grill.

[BlueToBlue]

Does your friend have anyone else to eat out with? I suspect that part of the problem might be that your friend doesn't cook and wants to eat out, but doesn't want to eat out alone. And if he doesn't have anyone else to eat with, he may not want to face the fact that this part of his life is going to have to change.

The fact is that sometimes when our friends make changes in their lives, it impacts our lives in ways we aren't ready for. You've made some big, positive changes in your life, and, as kiramira said, that is going to change your relationship with your friend, in ways that it sounds like he might not be ready for.

I think that your husband, or the both of you, are going to have to have a conversation about this with him. In the long run, I don't think continuing the make excuses for not going out to eat is going to work. For one thing, if you haven't really explained this to him, he probably doesn't realize how serious it is to you. I think you're just going to have to be up front about it and firm with him. Explain about the MS, about trying to lose weight, etc. Acknowledge that the changes you are making also impact him and ask him to be supportive.

It also might help to find some restaurants where you can eat and stay on plan. It can be hard, but not impossible. That way you can still go out sometimes, just not every night.

[canadianwoman]

Get your friend a lady to eat out with.

[beerab]

Thanks guys- yes I think part of it is the fact he doesn't have anyone else to go out to eat with. In fact his sister is now losing weight so she won't go with him either, his brother and wife just bought a house so money is tight they won't go out either. Then us as well as our other friend (his ex) won't go out with him either.

I mean I ALMOST feel sorry for him but not really lol. He has to take care of himself I'm not his mother- he lives at home with his parents who cook, he doesn't HAVE to eat out.

My husband and I talked he said he will just be more firm about saying no to his friend and promises to not egg me on anymore to eat out... I mean we do eat out now and then, but we try to go to healthier places. My husband is slightly in denial cuz of his MS he can't eat out like he used to, which is another problem. He said if his friend just doesn't take the hint he'll pull him aside and tell him that we just can't eat out like we used to and hope he understands and he's welcome to come over and pitch in with dinner now and then or eat dinner THEN come over.

Oh canadianwoman I have tried to hook this guy up with MANY girls, he's going to be a perpetual bachelor his whole life because he just doesn't want to work on a relationship and when he's got the attitude of "B*TCH takes half" I prefer to not subject any more of the female population to his attitude...

And yes, I agree, in the end it was my choice to go- but that's why I'm here asking for help on some ways to get some help and strength! Thanks everyone!

[canadianwoman]

Originally Posted by beerab

Oh canadianwoman I have tried to hook this guy up with MANY girls, he's going to be a perpetual bachelor his whole life because he just doesn't want to work on a relationship and when he's got the attitude of "B*TCH takes half" I prefer to not subject any more of the female population to his attitude...

If you were in Ontario,Canada I would ask if you were talking about my ex-boyfriend.

Well...all I can add is good luck and I hope it works out for you.

[beerab]

LOL! He must have a twin!

It's so funny cuz when he says that I look at him and say HALF of what?! You are 32 and still live at home!

Thanks- I'm very determined lately!

[thinpossible]

Originally Posted by beerab

Now do you think my husband should speak to him? Just like on the side like hey man we love when you come hang out BUT we just can't eat out anymore or go out for treats either. We hope you understand, and hey you are welcome to eat dinner where-ever you want THEN come over later- but we won't be eating out anymore/like we used to. And I'd invite him over for dinner each time BUT money is tight and we can't afford to feed a third person 2-3 times a week...

This is exactly what I'd do. Have DH tell him your health and your budget simply won't allow you to eat out very often.

[H8cake]

We end up eating out more than I would like because of my work. I have a list of restaurants where there are decent options for me and those are the only places we go. The family probably gets tired of the same choices but they deal with it. The hubby and I have learned to split things, which helps with the budget and the calorie intake. Applebees has the weight watchers options, even though they say they are sometimes higher in calories than they claim depending on the cook, I've still lost just fine eating them. Cold Stone ice cream has some options that aren't too bad. I just stick to a very small serving of their fat free, sugar free stuff. I like the idea of asking him to bring something to your house. Two to three times a week is quite a bit to be hanging out with you and your husband, kinda puts him in the family category in my mind. I would treat it like that, if he imposes that much he needs to deal with how you do things.