saef--I'm the exact same way. The fact that my boyfriend recently made a comment about me trimming up was a huge surprise to me because he had never mentioned my weight before, and he's seen me go from 200lbs to 170lbs and back again in a year. It's kind of been this totally tabboo subject throughout my life, and the once in a blue moon someone might mention something it was like someone throwing a bucket of ice water on me. I got so good at ignoring myself that I was actually surprised when people hinted or mentioned that I might be overweight.
I'm still overweight, and comments are still very unwelcome, but the couple of compliments I've gotten I've been able to appreciate--which I think is an important part of learning to totally accept my body in order to change it?
Hope so anyway
Lori Bell, How about posting your pics, so we can comment on your success....lol ok kidding aside, sounds like your friend was jealous that a nice young man would be talking to you, that she had to embarrass you, you could always comment, and my friend use to be kind and considerate and not air our out other people's laundry.or now she just has a big mouth!!
funny how we build relationships too, do we have the ugly friend so we can look pretty? do we have the fat friend so we look thin?.....perhaps by loosing weight you upset the balance of her apple cart. Im sure she is proud of you but still not sure of her footing in your new you, thin friend. she knew the role she played in her being friend to the fat girl. she has a lot of issues too unlayer too.
I work in an office full of women and every one of them discusses my weight loss, loudly, whenever they feel like it. I've gotten used to the comments by now! But honestly, there comes a certain point when it's just noticeable, and there's nothing you can do about it. Politely saying, "I'd prefer not to discuss it" might work for some people (probably not family), but you might find you get used to and even enjoy the attention after awhile. Now that I'm so much smaller I don't mind nearly as much.
I'm very open when it comes to weight talk. Hey if you want to have a pow-wow about my weight, fine, but the thing is I do quickly steer the conversation from compliments to constructive diet talk lol. I was thinking about it since the OP posted this thread and you know I get really embarrassed and even have a hard time hearing the positive comments. As soon as someone says, "you are looking great" or "you are really getting smaller" I sort of go "EEEEEE" on the inside with happy excitement and on the outside I'm like stumbling about not knowing what to say for a few seconds. Almost like it blindsides you...if that makes sense.
I'm not embarrassed because of the weight loss, I mean when you're 340+ pounds and you drop some poundage...people notice. lol But it is more that I'm not used to hearing positive things I guess...or maybe I just have a hard time accepting compliments. Probably both.
I never want anyone to say anything about my body or my weight loss. I've always been this way. When I was in my 20's, I lost about 40 lbs. one time, and I hated it when people mentioned it.
I think this time, I will just tell people I've joined a gym and am exercising a lot more (which is true). I will just not mention the food component, or mention it only in passing. To me talking about exercise "feels" much safer than talking about food for some reason. A few people have commented to me that I look like I've been losing weight, and this is the way I've handled it and it felt okay.
Compliments are ok once in a while, but "discussing the weightloss" seems rather rude and none of their business in my mind. I mean you don't walk up to someone and discuss the color of their teeth in casual conversation, or their hammer toe surgery, or how they got rid of that rash for that matter. I think everyone feels embarrased about it because it's super personal!!! What I choose to do with my body is not a polite topic of discussion. A compliment about my outfit would suffice - we don't need to get down to the nitty gritty about what I eat and the exercise I do.
If someone asks you how you did it tell them "the old fashioned way" and move on to another topic.
Or how's this one.... next time someone says wow look how skinny you're getting just say "So?"
In my opinion, I honestly feel that *most* people are being sincere and trying to give a heartfelt compliment... If I gave someone a sincere compliment and was given the reply "so?" i'd be a little put off to be honest, and that would probably be the last time I complimented, or said much of anything to that person.
Hi there. Weight loss is not only a personal journey, but a PUBLIC journey. You can't lose significant amounts of weight and not become visible for it. It comes with the territory. Irritating, annoying, but a fact.
People are going to ask at a certain point. To prepare for this if you are shy about it, you need to stand in the mirror, imagine a compliment and say "Thank you" out loud. And smile. This is ALL you need to say in response. Soon, this will be second nature. So the compliment when given will have a natural reaction -- "Thank you".
Then you have to prepare for the inevitable "how did you do it". So practice "Hard work, diet and exercise." or something like that. Whatever you are comfortable with. If you are shy about talking about it.
Finally, figure out how to get out of further conversation about it if you don't want to discuss it -- like "I have to go now" while checking your watch, or something like that. I used to walk around my office with a file folder. I picked this up from Dilbert! The theory is that if you are walking with purpose with a file folder, you are deemed to be "busy", and this lets you get out of conversations you don't want, or to leave the area ... "*Gasp! Shuffle of files* I'd love to talk more about it, but I'm late..."
Sad fact is that you have to have some strategies that work for you because the comments WILL come. And pretty much everyone I've dealt with during my journey is curious, full of admiration, and just want to say something nice. So to be respectful in return is, well, a nice thing too.
Kira
In my opinion, I honestly feel that *most* people are being sincere and trying to give a heartfelt compliment... If I gave someone a sincere compliment and was given the reply "so?" i'd be a little put off to be honest, and that would probably be the last time I complimented, or said much of anything to that person.
I agree, I mostly said it in jest but there are times when people will bring this up over and over again like it's a public discussion when in fact a little discretion would be wise. There's a big difference between someone saying "you look fantastic" and "look look LOOK at her, she's WASTING away!" One is a compliment to you, the other is a roast.
Compliments are ok once in a while, but "discussing the weightloss" seems rather rude and none of their business in my mind. I mean you don't walk up to someone and discuss the color of their teeth in casual conversation, or their hammer toe surgery, or how they got rid of that rash for that matter. I think everyone feels embarrased about it because it's super personal!!! What I choose to do with my body is not a polite topic of discussion. A compliment about my outfit would suffice - we don't need to get down to the nitty gritty about what I eat and the exercise I do.
If someone asks you how you did it tell them "the old fashioned way" and move on to another topic.
Or how's this one.... next time someone says wow look how skinny you're getting just say "So?"
For me the embarrassment is not because it is personal in the context you are describing. Hey I'm all for having discussions, it isn't about that for someone like me. It is about having issues hearing positive comments in regards to me. It is hard to hear for me. I mean like i said, lets have a weight talk pow-wow. I'll tell you what I'm doing, what my diet is...whatever, for me that is okay because I find the topic interesting and I like hearing feedback from people. I mean you can swap recipes, swap techniques, for me that is all positive. However, that is just me and people who know me know that I am open in that way.
I think in general the rule should be not to just go up and start getting personal with anyone on really any subject, unless you know that person is all for that. I don't think it is rude overall, I just like to respect a person's space and that is my take on it. Some people aren't meaning to invade your personal space is my point,. They aren't meaning to be rude.
I do agree with Kira. I mean it is something that is public as well as private. You can't loose large amounts of weight without someone noticing. Part of my journey is learning how to accept compliments and well, get back out there. I like the idea of practicing in a mirror. I might try that!
I LOVE the compliments! I eat it up! The only time I ever cringed at a comment was when my husband's buddy said to me "Wow, you have lost some weight. You used to be really big." Gee, thanks pal!
I LOVE the compliments! I eat it up! The only time I ever cringed at a comment was when my husband's buddy said to me "Wow, you have lost some weight. You used to be really big." Gee, thanks pal!
yeah, I went to a party last night, and my friends were all telling me I was too skinny and one of them was like "Hey, you need to start eating. Maybe that's why you were dizzy this morning!"... It was embarrassing. First of all, I have been eating PLENTY of calories lately (haha, too much... around 1800 a day with less exercise than usual) and I am *still* not in the "normal" BMI category yet. I am NOT too skinny and not anorexic. I think some people just don't know how to react to change, lol.
Also, sometimes instead of defending yourself from negative comments, the best and fastest way to diffuse things is to agree!!!
Like
"You should eat more! You're too skinny!"
answer: "Yeah, you are probably right."
OR
"You're wasting away! You need to eat!"
answer:
"Yeah, you are probably right."
Agreeing with these negative comments leaves the person nowheres to go, except on to another topic.You won't be sucked into an arguement about why you are doing what you are doing, and how you are eating. You just agree and move on to another topic! And then log on to 3FC and vent! Because we all get it and we all understand...
It is human nature for people to comment on what they see. They look at you and if you look like you have lost weight 99% of people will say "Hey you look like you lost weight!"
It's not rudeness or meanness it's just normal human behavior. I mean you tell each person who mentions something to you "HEY! I don't wanna talk about my weigh publicly, if you wanna talk about it talk to me privately!" But then you run the risk of people thinking YOU are rude.
I would embrace it instead of letting it get to me. Think of a couple of ready made snappy answers! Have some fun with it.
Like ...
Them: "Hey you look like you have lost some weight!"
You: "Yeah I have ... when are you gonna start?"
Them: "Have you lost weight?"
You: "No, my clothes are all baggy that's the style now."
Them: "My have you lost a lot of weight!"
You: "Yes I have and it looks like it jumped right on YOU!"
