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Old 04-10-2009, 08:58 AM   #1
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Default facebook...anyone else feel this way?

I just joined facebook (I know, welcome to the 21st century) and have some recent picture up to share with current friends and family. There are also a lot of people from my high school with pages there. But....I don't want to contact any of them, I don't want them to see how much I have gained Anyone else feel this way? I like I should be strong enough not to care what they think, or that I am not giving them enough credit...but I still can't bring myself to make contact.
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:10 AM   #2
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I am with you all the way. My friends here in Canada only know me at 200+ but all my friends in the states have never seen me over 160, and to them that was the fat me. I even had my ex husbands best friend tell me one night that he always loved me, even when I was fat. At the time I weighed somewhere in the 180s. I told him I had lost 40 pounds and was still 20 pounds bigger than he had ever seen me. Anyway, I digress...So back to FB. I file transferred a few pics of me after losing 40 pounds to one of my friends here in Canada and she threatened to post it on FB and tag me. I was terrified. I did explain to her that a lot of the ppl on my FB list have never seen me this big and I really didn't want them to either. Well, I guess she heard the desperation in my typing because she said she wouldnt do it and she didnt. So, Yes I know exactly how you feel and I'm sure there are many of us that do.

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Old 04-10-2009, 09:13 AM   #3
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A girl I used to know has gained an enormous amount of weight since HS. She has only posted vintage photos on her facebook page.

If it makes you that uncomfortable you could do the same. I can tell you though that tons of people have gained a ton of weight since HS and college. You will be in good company. Why not just post a photo of you looking your rockin' hottest?

"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:32 AM   #4
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Well, I have to say that I think that my pics on fb have been very very carefully chosen, and even if there are current pics, the're probably the best possible ones and such. I ruthlessly un-tagged myself from any unflattering picture that friends of mine might have posted (in extreme cases I asked to remove some particular pic), but in the end, 90% of my friends on fb are people that I frequent now in real life, so they know how I look. The only little bit of stress was the other week, when we had a reunion of some of my kindergarten class... AARGH I was really stressed out, but in the end I decided that the pics already out there were a good thing, because they would at least more or less know what to expect...
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:35 AM   #5
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I have been on Facebook for about a year now (for work) and I'm not very active. My photos on there are of me when I was 35+ lbs heavier. I have more current photos of me, including my avatar. But I don't feel like posting them because I don't think my HS "friends" are worth it. Which is stupid because I have been to reunions when I was heavier than now. I feel that I have little in common with my HS friends probably because I graduated 28 years ago. I didn't request to be their friends, they contacted me first, which is fine. My DD21, who is very active on facebook, has tagged me in some family photos in which I am heavier.

Here's my take on facebook photos. They are deceiving. Everyone always posts photos of when they are at their best and tags photos of family and friends looking their worst...
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:39 AM   #6
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All of my friends have gained weight...i think it comes with being out of school for a certain period of time...adulthood..lol
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:52 AM   #7
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I've only posted recent pictures or pictures from highschool. A friend from my hometown dared everyone to use their childhood photos as their profile picture, so for awhile I had a picture of me at age 2 as my default profile picture. Pictures of pets or kids work well for FB too.
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Old 04-10-2009, 10:03 AM   #8
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ok FB addict here and the worst is when a "friend" posts some awful unflattering photo of you just for fun! anyway I have been every size from a 6 to an 18 but in general I untag photos of myself I don't like (once you have untagged yourself no one can retag you)

oh but on the flip side how fun is it to see where some of the "cool" kids have ended up? Good self esteem boost
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Old 04-10-2009, 10:03 AM   #9
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I'm just recently on Facebook as well, but haven't contacted people from high school simply because they weren't nice to me then because I was the fat girl then too. There's only 1 or 2 who liked me and I am still in contact with, so they're on my really short friends list. I did try to look up some names connected with my school and found, much to my surprise, that the ones who were most guilty of looking down their noses at me and calling me "fat" names are now hugely obese! I just feel sorry for them now, because they missed out on someone who would have been a lifelong friend and supporter. I guess, though, that my only real advice on the facebook photo issue is to put ones that YOU like on your page and only allow contact with real friends. Anyone who would judge you based on your weight is not really a friend and fortunately, you can keep them off your friends list

7/18/12 became wheat- and dairy-free @ 235 pounds
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Old 04-10-2009, 10:05 AM   #10
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I am on Facebook too (have been for several months) and just recently have had HS acquaintances contacting me on there. My photo's are recent where I am still a little over 200lb. I have other photo's when I was 270 linked to my blog through there. I had a 'brief' moment where I thought if I should change my photo's, that I didn't look good enough, but quickly realized I didn't need to 'think' that way. I should love me for 'me' and not worry about other persons opinions, as that is partially what made me gain weight in the first place. No one is perfect, fat or thin, which includes my acquaintances from 30 years ago.


"When your belief in you and your dream, is greater than your belief in other people's opinions, you will have mastered your life."

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Old 04-10-2009, 11:01 AM   #11
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I joined Facebook about 5 months ago after my 25th HS reunion at the request of some friends. When I was in HS my highest weight ever was the weight I am right now...LOL At the reunion I was around 210. I do change my photo about every 10 pounds. I have "come clean" with a few old HS friends about my weight loss, (the ones that have posted stuff about trying to lose/ are losing weight etc.), but mostly my friends and family don't mention the fact I was super morbidly obese on FB. If they did, I'd probably just unfriend them.

Interestingly, the "jocks" guys are all fat and bald! The nerdy guys are all HOT and successful.
Highest weight - 333 pounds. Lost 193 pounds by calorie counting in 2008/09. Regained 73 pounds in the last 7 years and am working on getting back to a normal BMI.

Last edited by Lori Bell; 04-10-2009 at 11:02 AM.
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Old 04-10-2009, 11:51 AM   #12
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No one weighs what they did in high school. Most of your friends have probably gained weight too, some of the guys are losing their hair, whatever. If you really believe the people you are considering friending are so shallow that they'd care that much about your weight...then maybe you should ask yourself why you'd want to friend them, regardless of your appearance?
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Old 04-10-2009, 12:03 PM   #13
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OMG that's so true. In my experience, all the pretty thin girls in HS are now married and out-of-shape...all the ones who like me were never thin are in general leading much healthier lifestyles. YMMV. No need to hide.

If it helps, I may be fat but I've gotten several personal messages from girls I went to HS with, some of whom I wasn't even friends with, asking me what my secret is for looking so young. I'm 39 but I get guessed as being between 30-35 (no wrinkles). It's genetics, but I always say, no kids! So really don't be afraid to join and don't be afraid to put a realistic (but flattering of course) photo up because...

NOBODY LOOKS LIKE THEY DID IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!! I promise!!!! My ex-husband was absolutely the most handsome boy in our high school class, tall, thin, blonde (he won the "Best Looking" in our yearbook) ~ now he looks like Homer Simpson minus the beer gut.
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Old 04-10-2009, 12:08 PM   #14
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I know exactly how you feel. But I HAVE seen where nobody looks the same. I have recently joined facebook (and dogbook!) also and find I do not care what others think. I am who I am. They look different too and most people just really want to connect. I agree with another poster in that you should just post the pics you like. Don't sweat it! We are all looking to look and feel better!

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass but learning to dance in the rain."

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Old 04-10-2009, 01:05 PM   #15
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i live on facebook also, and have a recent photo of me but just from the neck up, my other photos are from a few years back when i weighed 145 silly but i can't bare to look at myself at this weight... it's not for other people but for me i guess....
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