Part of me loves that I'm uncovering the thinner, girlier me that has been in hiding this past ten years and part of me is afraid that now I have to leave the safety of my home and be involved in life once again, which, oddly is an issue for me because I just had a cancer diagnosis 5 months ago and was ready to carpe diem with a vengeance. Now that the cancer has been removed from my body I'm afraid of falling into the patterns that developed after starting a family. I like to be home with my children in my jammies, talk on the phone, be on my computer, comfort food (my comfort food is decidedly healthy, I just eat too much of it) at the ready. I've been losing weight, but I find myself fantasizing over food porn and describing my fave hot, spicy Korean Ramyun noodle soup as sexy. (Well, that choice isn't healthy one). I'm afraid if I lose more weight I'll...I don't know what I'll do but it makes me nervous. And I'm afraid that if I don't lose weight cancer is going to love that estrogen stored up in my fat and grow again. I also have high blood pressure and I would like to get off the meds. It is a health issue for me, yet I cinch up. And I have to tell you, today I'm four pounds up since 2 days ago. I know it is water weight, I know it, but I'm so depressed about it. Either way I guess I'm afraid. Glitter Ducky, just try to make it about health and physical comfort. You don't want to be too hormonal, have high blood pressure, risk diabetes, or strain your heart and your bones. You want your temple to carry you through life w/o health issues or pain. My mother is 68-years-old and at 5'2" she is around 270, maybe more. She is on all sorts of meds and is going through chemo right now (and she actually gained weight). She has a huge three-story home and she can only go up and down the stairs once a day or her knees ache too much. She has to get a motorized cart to shop. It just doesn't get better. Your body is a sacred place, pamper it w/ healthy habits. Now, I just need to go follow my own advice.
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