Hi everyone. I am so tired of being obese. I am 33 and have two kids who are old enough now that I can no longer blame my size on pregnancy. I am 167 lbs, but short, so it looks much worse then it sounds. I have happily been living in a home with NO full length mirrors and am always SHOCKED when I see a photo of myself or a reflection in a mirror. I am so much smaller in my own mind. I don't feel that big, but the reality is I am obese. My BMI says Obese. I have had my body fat measured and I am obese. I can't find clothes that fit and my own children have innocently made comments like "we don't want to get fat like Mommy" So I am here for help. I have tried so many things and failed. Maybe someone here can help me figure out what I am doing wrong.

So here is the situation. I work long hours. I have a mostly sedentary job. I am in the beauty industry, so looks MATTER. I don't eat nonstop and I don't snack. I usually skip breakfast (I know it's bad), have whatever is easy for lunch, then eat dinner (portions are too big), and have a snack of pretzels after the kids go to bed. Then I go to sleep about 2 hours later. I try to limit fat and carbs, but inevitably end up having large portions of either, or both, at least once a week. I have tried South Beach and liked the low carb style better then low fat as I find it is easier for me to get food I like this way, but my downfall is always the amount of time I needed to spend in the kitchen to make this work. I don't have time to spend all day in the kitchen having small meals. Any diet that requires six small "meals" a day will not work for me.

I used to go to the gym, but gas prices and daycare costs made that too expensive, plus after a year of religiously working out average of 8-10 hours per week, I saw no results. Granted, I was stronger and building muscle, but my clothes still didn't fit, my cellulite was still prominent, muscle definition was non-existent. Now I have to get exercise at home. I have an abundance of workout tapes and equipment (don't we all?), but finding the time and the space to actually use them is a challenge.

I am tired all the time, have high stress levels, and I have to deal with depression on top of all this. I have a wonderful supportive (high metabolism, skinny) husband. But I have judgemental parents, always second guessing what I am eating. They lost a lot of weight a few years ago and ever since then I am the fat one in the family and everyone watches me with disapproving looks when they think I don't see or when we are out to eat together. Really ticks me off since they are the ones who raised me to associate happiness with a big meal at a good restaurant

My goal is to lose 45 pounds... by tomorrow This is 10 pounds more then I was before I had kids, so I don't think it is unreasonable to think I could get there again. I would appreciate any help you can offer.

Chubby Bunnykins

Hey Chubby!

You do have some obstacles. But we ALL have obstacles. The great thing is, you can find all kinds of people here who can help you fit lifestyle changes into your OWN lifestyle.

We have a great South Beach forum - I'm sure they'd be full of ideas on how to make SB-friendly food quick, easy, and portable. There are plenty of grab and go items that work with SB, you just need to do some experimenting to figure out what they are.

You might also try calorie counting. It might be harder for you to find foods you like, but you can tailor your meals to how convenient you want them to be. I find that the more convenient a food is, the more calories it has (typically - there are obvious exceptions). If it is convenient and low calorie, it tends to be expensive! So I tend to balance my meals among those three factors, depending on how much time I have and how many calories I have left that day...say I'm really busy and don't have a lot of calories left - I'll hit up an (expensive) salad bar...but on days when I'm less busy, I'll take the time to cook something cheaper and healthier. So you can work that balance with calorie counting. Then again, I'm sure it can also be worked with SB, just using different foods.

For exercising - you have some options. You can get up earlier, to fit it in in the morning. You can break it up into a few 15 min chunks throughout the day. You can find a lunchbreak or other window of time during the day and go for a nice brisk walk. You can find some time you usually spend doing something inactive (like watching TV) and do some activity while you do it. There is usually room to fit it somewhere...the trouble is finding the motivation to cram it into an already packed schedule. For me, it's worth it, no matter how packed my schedule gets, because it makes me so much stronger, happier, and more energetic, which makes the rest of my day easier to deal with.

Anyway, look around and keep posting. You'll find lots of advice for acheiving your goals!

Hey Bunnykins!

You have to find a way that will work for YOU, with your schedule and your lifestyle. It can be done!

For example, I'm not someone who likes to cook, and so for me part of the solution was frozen meals. I call it the "poor chick's jenny craig" I do have to be careful to get enough vegetables and other nutrition, but that was my solution.

There are lots of possibilities, and I'm sure you know them all... In my experience, exercise alone was not enough, no matter how much I did... I just tended to eat more since I "deserved" it.

You can schedule in meals and exercise. Breakfast doesn't have to be elaborate--you can make it simple to match your schedule. Sometimes I have a Kashi TLC bar and a glass of 1% milk--that's all.

And the many meals--some of those can just be snacks. It's not hard to have some string cheese and baby carrots as a snack, for example. Don't have "whatever's easy" for lunch--plan it. As for the portion problem--acquaint yourself with how much a portion or serving size is for troublesome foods. You know that butter is highly caloric. You know that mashed potatoes need to be limited. So, plan for them! You can do this. No one is holding you down and forcing food between your clenched teeth!

As for exercise, I belong to a gym, but I also walk every day. Walking is a good way to get started. Or, get out some of those exercise tapes... do 10 minutes, that's all. Just 10 minutes.

In other words, start with a few simple things! You can do this! Don't think you have to do everything at once, perfectly. If necessary, change just one thing--that's all. And then add another later.

You'll get there--you really will!

Jay

Hi Bunnykins,
I can relate to your feelings, as I'm sure most people here can. I think that by joining this board, you have taken a huge step toward reaching your goal. Of course the rest is not easy by any means, but on this board, you will find the support and understanding that the people in your life have not provided you with....as far as it sounds.

I'm glad that you have workout dvd's. That's awsome. However, as you know, they won't do you any good if you don't use them. I think the problem I had for a long time is expecting overnight results...or super fast results...and that just isn't how it was for me. I think you need to step back and do what works for you. However, you have to decide that you'd rather lose weight than spend time watching t.v. (no matter how tired). And you have to feel once and for all, that watching your portions is more important than eating food just because it's there.

Yes, it takes a great deal of effort, but I think if you focus on small increments for goals, you won't get as overwhelmed. Maybe you'll start by eliminating certain foods that are triggors or maybe you'll realize that SouthBeach IS worth the effort. For me, it has been calorie counting. My hubby and I have had to make some adjustments. He ends up helping me with the kids or I go workout once they're alseep at night.

I think that taking small steps is essential. Maybe you could keep a food journal for a week or two and see how you could make some little changes here and there. If you do that and combine that with regular exercise, you will look back at this time and be glad you did. Or, you could continue on and be right where you are. Someone on here has a signature that says: Losing weight is hard, being fat is hard, maintanance is hard. pick your hard.

I feel for you...having a skinny hubby can't make this easier, but you're worth it. I hope I didn't come on too strong. I always try to tell people what I tell myself. I have struggled with similar issues myself, so please know that I'm not judging you in any way at all. Just get started and find what works for you, but know that it will feel unpleasant at first. Once you see results, you'll be more motivated and feel so much better about yourself.

Good luck to you! I look forward to reading your future posts.

Welcome and good luck,

Hey Bunny!

I don't have any other advice than what the chickies here have already given, but I wanted to say welcome and stick around. There are always people here to help out, answer questions, make suggestions, or just motivate you when you need the help.

I spent some time surfing around the various boards and reading the different plans when I joined. That might help you, too. I had already lost some weight from calorie counting, so that's what I've stuck with. But if you're looking for a plan, there are a lot of knowledgeable folks here who can help you out.

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Okay, I already love it here. I can't believe these responses! Honest, straight forward, no condescension, but also no ooy gooy hand patting. Thank you!LOl this is true! My old gym was very inconveniently located next to a Dairy Queen and it was hard not to reward my hard work with an ice cream.

Isn't this the truth! I used to expect them to work just because I bought them... "what do you mean I have to actually use them" ROFL!

Not at all! I need honesty and appreciate your response!

Thank you for the welcome and I look forward to getting to know you all!

I, too, like South Beach. For clarity it's good carbs and good fats, not low carb. If you do decide again that's the way you want to go or really for most any plan, here are some tips.

Consider picking just one improvement and working it for awhile before changing anything else.

You're making a change in lifestyle for life, it's not a race. You can take your time getting there. Once you're there you're going to be maintaining, which looks a lot like losing, so you don't have to get "there" in a hurry.

The South Beach Diet Supercharged has an exercise program that's 20 minutes a day. It alternates cardio, like walking, with core strengthening exercises. All you need are shoes, a towel or mat, a hand towel and a dining room type chair.

Depending on your kids ages, they might enjoy doing 5, 10, 15 minutes of one of your exercise DVDs with you. And if they do enjoy them, what a great start for them.

A program like SB allows you to serve healthy foods that your whole family can enjoy eating. They don't have to be elaborate or expensive, just healthy. This means lots of vegetables, low fat proteins, including beans, low fat dairy, healthy fats. Then after phase 1 whole grains and fruits.

Plan a week's worth of meals - plan leftovers. This is one of the most important things you'll do and at first may be one of the most time consuming. Make out a shopping list and get that week's worth of groceries in the house in one shopping trip. If this is something you're not used to doing, use the SB menus as a starting point.

Don't try to make something different and fancy for breakfast everyday like the SB menus show. Come up with a couple of simple things you have time to prepare (or pre-prepare) and alternate them. If your kids eat breakfast at home or provided by you, make them the same things.

If you can make breakfast while you are cleaning up from dinner and line it up in the refrigerator or on the table, you are way ahead in the morning.

Don't know if you're packing kid's lunches, if so, you can keep doing what you're doing now and shift it healthier. (fruit, whole grain bread, etc.)

Don't make a big deal to your kids that you're doing something different. If they notice new foods just tell them, oh I thought we'd try something new. Isn't it good. (and if it isn't good, guess we'll try something different next time)

Make enough dinner for leftovers. You can put leftovers on top of tomorrow's lunch salad, or just recycle them to have the same meal for lunch the next day. Get yourself a fun BIG lunch box.

Pack lunch in serving containers as you're clearing the table. It won't seem like you've spent any extra time and it's all done.

Snacks -slice up some raw veggies, pack up some low fat cheese, put low fat cottage cheese in a container. Make yourself 2-3 snacks and put them with your lunch in the fridge, or if not needing refrigeration on the counter or in your lunch box. (I make sure I always have more snacks than I plan to eat. That way I have choices and I'm never "out of food")

I eat my breakfast at work at my desk. So in the morning I throw my breakfast, lunch, snacks, napkin, etc. in my lunchbox - takes me 30 seconds because everything is already packaged up and grouped together.

We have refrigerators at work, so I keep certain things at work. I'll take a week's worth of cottage cheese in at a time, A bag of low-fat cheeses, a wheel of laughing cow wedges, a box of low-fat triscuits (phase 2), teabags, a box of oatmeal, plastic cutlery, napkins, salt shaker. If I don't eat a perishable snack, it will still be there for me tomorrow.

There you go, you're on your way. 20 minutes of exercise a day (I'm still working on this one) and a few extra minutes during dinner cleanup and you're done. It takes a little time once a week for your meal plan. Save them and reuse them. Just add whole grains and fruit when you're shifting to phase 2.

Chubby Bunnykins, if you do decide that South beach is still for you, I hope you come join all of the very informative and intelligent chicks on the South Beach forum. I am doing that as well and I have been getting some really honest and AMAZING advice. Today (well, actually yesterday, as it's morning now) I learned so many things, recieved so much motivation, and was given so many great ideas, that I'm completly motivated for the next time I do Phase 1. I hope to see you there!

And Webrover, GREAT post!!!

Careful, this could be your biggest problem before you even start. Whatever weight loss regime you choose, you will need to reconcile yourself with the fact that significant permanent weight loss is a long-term commitment. You will probably experience impressive reults in the first couple of weeks which will be due mainly to release of excess water, after that your progress will be slower.

There's no silver bullet, sometimes you have good days and sometimes you have bad ones. The trick is always to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the rails at the point which you came off. Keep your eyes on the prize. Always.

By the way, there's really no such thing as a 'fast metabolism'. Your husband is skinny because he moves about enough to burn up the same amount of energy as he consumes. You can do this too. Really.

AJ113, I beg to differ, because people do have different metabolism rates. Some obese people have slower metabolism, for example, and this can tend to persist even after they have lost weight. Increasing exercise/physical activity is very important for this reason.

Also, I'm sure Chubby Bunnykins was being ironic in saying she wanted to lose by tomorrow...

Jay

welcome! this board has lots of supportive people and there's always good ideas floating around.

After I had my second child, I found myself at my highest weight ever, 231 lbs! but taking two kids the gym several days a week just was not going to work, so I get up before everyone else and do my workout.I do those Turbo Jam tapes and man, I get a better workout than I did doing aerobics classes at the gym. There's even a 20 mins video you can do, every little bit helps.

I also have a husband who can eat what he wants and doesn't gain weight, so it does get frustrating a lot.

I also try to plan meals for the week before I go shopping.

good luck. you can do it! remember any weight loss is good weight loss!

There have also been studies that show that in general, men have a higher metabolism than women. I believe mens' average resting heart rates are overall higher than women's resting heart rates.

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Webrover, thank you for your amazing thorough post. So many tips on how to make healthy eating changes in one place! I nominate it for consideration to be stickified for eternal ease of reference! It answers the ubiquitous question of----"but how??"

That is because men, in general, have a high muscle:fat ratio then women. Another plus for weight lifting!