from what i have found, most men can get excited about who caught the biggest fish, who shot the biggest buck.. what engine part they replaced, and how fast they won a game on wii lol.... when it comes to weight, shopping, etc, they do tend to zone out for the most part... i know when i drone on and on to hubby that he gets bored stiff... but i respect and love the fact that he stays in one place and actually listens... he does offer grats etc.. but they sound a lil mechanic lol... however on the flip side, if he quoted baseball scores to me on a daily basis, i dont know if i could even be that gracious lol...
if you know your husband loves you... and you know he is TRYING to be interested.. thats a winner in my book... if he honestly doesnt care about what makes you happy? then i would be asking him some serious questions on why...maybe let him read some of the responses from this thread.. let him see that its not just YOU that feels he should be more supportive...
My husband's always supportive, but sometimes the things that come out of his mouth just make me shake my head! For instance, he once mentioned the square acreage of my rear. I didn't take it personally--I know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way. But here's the thing--when he says somehting like that I call him on it. I tell him that it was a jacka$$ thing to say and explain to him why. Then we talk about what he could have said differently.
From this description it sounds like we have these very serious communication conversations, but 99% of the time we end up laughing at (with) each other. It's a great thing.
My husband's job changed about 4 months ago. He is moving more now and has lost 15 lbs. since the beginning of the year without changing the way he eats or exercising (he fell of the exercising wagon). This a.m. when he was getting dressed he was like, 'hey my pants don't fit'. He then proceeded to try and pull them down while still buttoned, which sent my son into a fit of laughter. I was so excited yet he was very nonchalant about it. I was all like 'did you get weighted?', no answer, asked again, no answer, asked 'how much did you lose'. He was like 'oh,I don't know, I think like 15 lbs. or so'. He put his belt on and was like 'I lost a hole -- or gained a hole'. Again, very casual about it. I'd be jumping up and down but guys are just . . . different.
If your husband's was typical type of response he'd give, I'd just let it go. If not - - have a chat.
As for the getting on and off the scale -- wait, you mean everyone doesn't do this? If I lean more wt on my right foot, the scale goes down a lb, if I lean more wt on my left foot it goes up a lb., same for leaning forward or backward. I get off and on several times to make sure I'm actually 'centered' and all. It's great fun to lean to the right and see that next lower number 'peek' at me!
Well I gotta say, it's not the type of response that would fly with me. I don't expect my hubby to jump up and down in excitement ... but I do expect him to be supportive. And "you're repetitive and boring" (or words to that effect) aren't supportive, in my book.
But as others have said, if this is how your husband is ... then expecting more is probably not entirely realistic.
How much have you been talking about losing weight, etc? For me, my weight loss is THE BIGGEST THING in my life right now and I want to talk about it ALL THE TIME, and I do spend a lot of time talking about it. But, as interesting as it is for me, it's not that interesting for anyone else (except the folks here at 3FC, bless you all). My SO will listen up to a point, but then he gets bored with it. It's just like if he spends a lot of time talking about a subject I'm not interested in. So if you are talking about your weight loss a lot, I think maybe you might want to give your DH a break once in a while.
I also think that it all just depends on whether these responses are in line with how your DH normally responds. If they are, they you are probably expecting too much. People don't change. If you DH isn't supportive on other things, then he's probably not going to be supportive here as well. I'm sure he has other qualities that attracted you to him, but this may not be something you can expect. It's the 80-20 rule: when you with someone, you love 80% of what they do and 20% drives you nuts. This may be his 20%. Maybe you need to find someone else (a friend, relative, folks here at 3FC) that will give you the support you need.
On the other hand, if this behavior is out of character for him, then maybe you need to have a conversation with him about it. But, if he is threatened by your weight loss, it may be too much to expect him to be supportive. You may need to give him some time to adjust to it.
My husband's always supportive, but sometimes the things that come out of his mouth just make me shake my head! For instance, he once mentioned the square acreage of my rear. I didn't take it personally--I know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way. But here's the thing--when he says somehting like that I call him on it. I tell him that it was a jacka$$ thing to say and explain to him why. Then we talk about what he could have said differently.
From this description it sounds like we have these very serious communication conversations, but 99% of the time we end up laughing at (with) each other. It's a great thing.
I'd divorce my husband if he EVER said anything like that to me.
I think you may be expecting too much. In fact, you may be talking more about your weight loss program than you realize, and yes, it does become boring to other people.
There was something on Oprah about this--a woman who was complaining that her family members weren't supportive of her weight loss, and Oprah questioned the family members without revealing what the woman said. they all said that the woman talked about nothing else but her weight loss and they were sick of hearing about it. Oh dear.
It is right that this be important to YOU. It doesn't have to be important to anyone else. You keep going, no matter what! You may find that he starts to notice your changes on his own.
I think you may be expecting too much. In fact, you may be talking more about your weight loss program than you realize, and yes, it does become boring to other people.
Yeah, I can see that, but just as a matter of respect, I would be FURIOUS if my husband ever responded the way the OPs did.
I think there's a huge difference between picking an appropriate time and place to say "Sweetie, I'm proud of you for succeeding, but it's gotten to be all you talk about and it's not fun for me to listen to all the time. Can we also talk about other things?"
Vs. remaining stone cold silent and, when pressed for a response, saying coldly "I found your story repetitive."
I dunno. I *do* expect more respect and common courtesy from my guy.
Yeah... I don't know... what are you "expecting"? Did you just marry a guy who is a plain old jerk all the time? Or is he only a jerk when it comes to this? I mean... if you know he's a grumpy jerk who has a hard time saying nice things... then it shouldn't matter whether it was about your weight or not. Ya know? But if he's usually a laid back, kind, friendly guy who turned to you plain faced and said, "You're repetitive"... then OUCH...
All depends on who is is BESIDES when you're discussing weight.
My hubby is Mr. Uninvolved. I come from a family who is TOTALLY INVOLVED in EVERYTHING everyone is doing--- needs to know it all, etc etc... and when we celebrate, we celebrate HUGE! (for example, I won a singing competition that my family and hubby were at a few years ago... my family was FREAKING OUT jumping around, screaming... hubby was just sitting there, smiling, clapping... when asked why he wasn't freaking he simply said, "B/c you guys are all doing enough it it already!")
He's very supportive--- not like my mom or sisters are... but in his own way. I report my losses and he is always like "Good for you. I'm very proud of you." I'm sure I talk his EARS RIGHT OFF about weight loss, dieting, calories, etc etc etc... but he has to loose some weight too... so that makes it different. If my hubby was thin and didn't need to learn all this neat stuff *I'm* learning right now too... I don't know how he'd be...
My hubby has his good days and bad days. After almost 10 yrs. I have really taken my weight loss seriously. He is supportive. But part of his ego is bruised as I have joined a centre. He felt like he should be my "team" not just part of the "team". But as I have noticed. His english communications skills have much to be desires. Even tho english is his first language LOL. I know he means well. But often sounds judgemental and bossy. But then there is also the little bit of him which is selfish...when he wants to eat out he wants to. Not really understanding I really don't feel comfortable doing that yet! And he puts the pout on. Fortunatly I am a mom of 3 and run a home child care. Pouting doesn't work on me! LOL
I give you props 1) for avoiding the junk and 2) for not ripping your hubby a new one. i dont control my emotions (more or less my temper) very well so good job to you for not ripping him a new one. and next time he talks to you about cars or hunting or something you dont really care about maybe you should give him the same kind of feed back just to see if he realizes how hurtful it can be to be unsupportive. Keep up the good work!
If my husband ever said something that rude to me, it would be the last thing he ever said. "I found your story repetitive" is a strangely cold thing to say to a spouse.
If I were you, I'd go out and spend $150 on the best frickin scale I could find and then just casually mention that you bought it since he found the old one so annoying.
Here's my personal take... guys just don't get it.
Agreed.
They don't think it's a big deal. My bf doesn't understand why being down a half-pound makes me so happy. His reaction is, "tell me when it's something significant" (not in so many words, but the tone and body language are obvious). But I don't care -- I'm gonna stay happy about that half-pound, and I know he's too male to get it!
Last edited by jellydisney; 04-16-2008 at 06:06 PM.
Maybe you need to slip some new key words into your weight loss discussion to really grab his attention, like:
Hey, I just lost 3 pounds v-8 engine and I can't believe how well I'm sticking to my plan red lacy bra and yesterday I ate exactly 1400 calories mile-high club and I'm really in the groove right now six pack of Heineken what do you think are you ready for some football?
Maybe you need to slip some new key words into your weight loss discussion to really grab his attention, like:
Hey, I just lost 3 pounds v-8 engine and I can't believe how well I'm sticking to my plan red lacy bra and yesterday I ate exactly 1400 calories mile-high club and I'm really in the groove right now six pack of Heineken what do you think are you ready for some football?
I was so excited yet he was very nonchalant about it. I was all like 'did you get weighted?', no answer, asked again, no answer, asked 'how much did you lose'. He was like 'oh,I don't know, I think like 15 lbs. or so'. He put his belt on and was like 'I lost a hole -- or gained a hole'. Again, very casual about it. I'd be jumping up and down but guys are just . . . different. 
You keep going, no matter what! You may find that he starts to notice your changes on his own.
I give you props
1) for avoiding the junk and 2) for not ripping your hubby a new one. i dont control my emotions (more or less my temper) very well so good job to you for not ripping him a new one. and next time he talks to you about cars or hunting or something you dont really care about maybe you should give him the same kind of feed back just to see if he realizes how hurtful it can be to be unsupportive. Keep up the good work!
