Hi everyone,

I would normally refrain from these kinds of posts but I am definitely nervous. My girlfriend and I broke up today. It was the first relationship I've been in that I really cared deeply about and now it's over. I know, wah wah, that's life sometimes. But I've never been through a breakup that has been this hard, and I know I have a long road ahead of me.

Do any of you have any tips on getting back to "normal?" I am terrified that I'm going to eat away my pain and that's hte last thing I want (although my stomach is in knots right now, so that's not a concern just yet). If any of you have any coping skills for tihs kind of thing I'd love to hear them.

Thanks for listening to debby downer.

The best advice I can give you is to let yourself cry and be sad for a while. For me, it hurts way more to try and hide feelings that are that strong, and the bottling up of emotions leads to nothing good.

Be sad, cry, get angry, throw things, do whatever allows you to vent these emotions.

Only worry if this period of intense emotion is lasting wayyyy too long.

Furthermore, you know that you have support here, so if you DO feel like you will end up doing something you may regret, type it out here first.

Good luck on your emotional recovery!

I am sorry that you have to go through that. I once went through the same thing. I cried everyday for a solid six months, went to therapy and everything. Nothing stopped the pain until I realized that everything happens for a reason. She wasn't the girl for you honey. As bad as it hurts, sit back and relax and the right one will come your way. A good one came my way and I know the same will happen for you. I lost 28 lbs and got down to size 4 because all of the depression. I will pray for you tonight.

If you need anything...I am here

I'm very sorry about your breakup, it is a very hard time. You should give yourself permission to grieve for the relationship. But I also hope you know that you will be happy again in the future. I've always loved this part of the poem "Desiderata" and often thought of it during tough relationship times:

(I may have a word or two wrong but this is close)

Exercise caution in your affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

use keeping on plan and getting healthier as something to concentrate on to get you through. if you use food for comfort it will end up making you even unhappier and make the break-up even harder to get over.

Break ups are an emotional time -- emotions that need to be dealt with. Overeating in response to a break up is never the answer -- if you are like me, you've done this before -- try to remember how gross you feel when you overeat, eat the wrong foods, etc. It's numbing affect only lasts as long as you are consuming the food, once you have done this -- you are right back where you started, trying to deal with your emotions.

We've pretty much all been there -- if you need support, come here, call a friend or family member -- talk it out -- just don't turn to food!! It will get better -- I promise

Thank you all for your wisdom, and the lovely poem. I am going to look that up and print it out, and put it on my fridge.

Still not hungry at all, not so sure emotional eating will be an issue just yet. Hey, maybe this will give me the kick start I desperately need. And at least I don't have to worry about stuffing myself into a dress for her friend's wedding.

Thank you all for your empathy, really... it means a lot to me. You are all fantastic.

Dana I am so sorry

whatever you do, channel your energy into taking care of yourself, no matter how HARD it may seem. I am at my starting point weight-wise again because I didn't channel my energy during my break-up a few years ago.

Lean on your friends here and your friends IRL. And like the other posters said, let your self cry, scream, yell, whatever you need to do to get through this, but remember that YOU are really, REALLY important right now.

Ugh. I went through this in the fall. I had to change my focus from thinking about him to thinking about me, so I started walking with great passion. I imagined that every step I took was one step farther away from him and one step closer to me looking and feeling better. It gave me time to clear my thoughts and the exercise made me feel better physically. Plus it got me out of the house so I didn't have time to search the refrigerator for snacks. Call your family and friends if you need a shoulder to cry on. Be mad, be sad, be whatever you need to be in order to feel better. You'll be fine. Just give your heart some time to heal. Now is the time to focus on yourself.

amen to everyone here - cry, scream, be sad.

GO OUT - do things you enjoy, pick up an old hobby you havent done in a long time... work out! find a way to channel your energy into something positive.

Sorry you have to go through such hurt
I read somewhere "the best revenge is living well"
It's still going to hurt for a while but take this as an opportunity to just focus on yourself and your plan for a healthy new you - just think of how shocked she will be when she sees that you went right on and became fit and fabulous without her