I think I like comments, but it's only because no one even freekin' noticed until I lost like 60-70lbs or at least they didn't comment until then.
However I'm only starting to get to the point where I'm appearing as a "normal" weight person so as the attention ramps up the more uncomfortable I get. I'm used to being pretty invisible.
I'm another one of those private "don't want to talk about it" people. I could never understand the advice given about weight loss that goes "tell people what you are trying to do so you can have a support system". I guess I can understand why other people would like that, but when I started to try to lose weight, I told NOBODY. Only myself. I didn't even discuss it with my best friend. She might have noticed that I was drinking less alcohol and eating less junk on our outings, but otherwise I never said anything. I wanted it to be completely private. I hate that it is made "public" by such an obvious thing as the size of our bodies. I hated the compliments, the questions-anything at all having to do with weight. I was grateful when nothing at all was said. I know this sounds opposite of what a lot of other people want, but I want you to know that you're not alone in that anxiety! Now that I've been at this weight for a couple of years, the comments have mostly stopped, except from my mother who likes to jab me when I refuse something.
I forgot to say why I feel this way. I didn't want the constant scrutiny and monitoring from other people. If I want to eat something, then I will eat it. If I don't want it, then I don't want to have to eat it. It's my body, my choice! I'm not strong enough yet to not let people's comments bother me, though.
It's not weird at all. I think deep down, the comments make us realize that we never really did fool anyone about our weight. We all dress nice, try to find the most flattering clothes - all in an attempt to camouflage the fact that we are overweight. Because if no one talked about it, it was like the weight wasn't there.
Now when comments happen, it is tacit acknowledgment by all parties that we were fat. And that is embarrassing. At least to me.
I don't mind a quick comment, but the lengthy ones get on my nerves.
For the most part, I hate compliments. People (usually) mean well, but I still take them backhandedly anyways. In my head, I've always looked a certain way. I don't need to be reminded constantly that's not the case. For the most part, though, I just keep my guard up and let it all bounce off.
What I really hate is when people know me well enough to know that I don't like excessive compliments and they do it anyway. Either they are trying to shove self-esteem down my throat (being shown [repeatedly] how transparent I am is damaging in itself) or they just can't stop themselves from bubbling over, so how dare I try to rob them of their joy. One such friend calls me "Skinny Girl" every time she sees me (with 100+ lbs still to lose) and just does not get why that hurts.
Attention from random strangers, now, I don't mind. Especially cute ones.
I like comments. I have no problem at all talking about my weight with anyone. That said, I am looking forward to the day when the comments stop. When the fact that I am a reasonable weight in no longer something to take note of.
I'll be glad when my being of normal weight is seems normal to everyone else as well.
I'm still not sure how I feel about comments. In my mind, I think I would enjoy them, but lately my boyfriend has been saying "You're getting so skinnyyyy." I have lost maybe some centimeters (lol) around my bust and maybe a little on my waist, but I haven't really noticed much other than that. My boyfriend says that he can tell on my thighs, but I can't, lol. At first I appreciated the comments, but then they kept coming more and more (mind you, this is only from my boyfriend, no one else). I think he thought it was uplifting and supportive, so I'm not nor was I ever upset with him about it. I just found it annoying and I started worrying that I'd get complacent and not be as driven for my weight loss. So, the other day, I explained to him that while I do appreciate the compliments, I would prefer it if he kept them to a minimum. I explained why (fear of complacency, frequency=less sincere, etc), and he completely understood.
What I can't wait for, however, is when relatives see me and say something, or when old friends that live out of town see me. That's gonna be awesome.
I got a great comment from a female co-worker who I only see like once every two months she said (and I quote) "OMG, I didn't know it was you from behind your A$$ used to be this big and now it is this" she used her hands to show me how big I was and how not so big I am now. When she asked how much weight I had lost I was honest "none" (well in the last couple months) but I have gone down a couple pant sizes.
I don't mind the nice comments from people who are nice. I don't like the comments that feel patronizing. I hate it when people ask how I have lost weight and then proceed to change the subject when calorie count/excercise come out of my mouth.
Last edited by jcatron243; 04-05-2008 at 03:38 PM.
I pretty much dislike it when people comment on it, and sometimes even lie and say I haven't lost any to change the subject. A few years ago someone commented (i'd lost 60 lbs since she'd last seen me) and I claimed it was from having the flu! (I did have the flu, but the weight loss was from exercise!) I don't know, everybody is different. I mean, there are people I will talk about it with, and recently I am getting less uncomforatble in general talking about weight-related issues in general, but sometimes you do question people's motives and the main thing is that is CAN be a touchy subject and some people seem not to realize that.
I also use a lot of Fairie's suggestions to shut down the subject. I will talk to no end on 3FC how I'm doing what I'm doing and how I feel about it, but in real life there is only one person I feel totally comfy discussing my journey with. Now my mother, she's the one that sent me on the spiralling up and down yo yo crazy life I had before soooooo, I don't let her in at all. She'd just say something offensive and then deny it anyway.
I don't think you should feel weird about not liking comments. We all have the right to choose how much info we want to give anyone. It's terrific having freedom of speech it's also terrific having the freedom NOT to speek.
Great suggestions! I love an occasional comment, probably because they have only JUST started! Lol. Being tall doesn't help, it takes a while for people to notice, which is great going up, but not so great coming down. I like an occasional comment, but don't like it from my skinny friends!
It's not weird at all. I think deep down, the comments make us realize that we never really did fool anyone about our weight. We all dress nice, try to find the most flattering clothes - all in an attempt to camouflage the fact that we are overweight. Because if no one talked about it, it was like the weight wasn't there.
Now when comments happen, it is tacit acknowledgment by all parties that we were fat. And that is embarrassing. At least to me.
I don't mind a quick comment, but the lengthy ones get on my nerves.
beautifully put...thats exactly how I feel. Like the person is saying they noticed you used to be fat.
So, today I got my first comment on my weightloss and thought immediately of this thread and all of you. I smiled really BIG simply because my first thought was, "I can post on that thread now!" Hee!
I saw a new business partner I've seen every six to ten days for the past five weeks or so. So, she's seen me losing weight, I guess, but it wasn't until today's meeting that it clicked for her "enough" to say anything. She was hugging me hello and then pulled back and said, "You're losing weight!"
I said (with that big, "I get to post on that thread now" grin), "Yes, I am!"
She asked, "All the stress?" (Because she knows our business venture has involved its stresses, of course.)
"Oh, no," I replied. "It's intentional. I'm working at it."
To which she replied, "But you always look so good anyway."
And I said, "Yeah, I'm always 'lookin' good,' but now I'm lookin' better."
(I was SHOCKED at how egomaniacal I sounded!! But I was laughing and having fun with it and just thrilled to be able to test out the "how do comments feel" question with someone who said exactly the right thing--that I already looked great, but that the weightloss was noticeable.)
Anyway, so apparently, I was in a really great place at that moment and that's how I took the comment on my weightloss. We all shared a laugh and that was the end of the conversation. No one cared what I was doing or how I was making it happen, just that I was happy with it... and that was a really cool feeling.
Compliments are nice, but the baggage that comes with them just sucks.
I'm generally not an overt person either, but several years back (before my wedding), I lost nearly 50 lbs. doing WW. It wasn't like I could keep 50 lbs. a secret, so my coworkers commented a LOT and asked what I was doing. At that point, I liked to think that honesty was the best policy, so I told them the whole truth. In hindsight, I wish Faerie would have hit me with her advice back then. I should have just said "Thanks - I'm just doing what I'm doing" and moved on.
I'll admit that the compliments were nice, and they did motivate me to keep going. The problem was that, once my coworkers knew that I was on WW, they were constantly going out of their way to keep "bad food" away from me. One of the reasons I was so successful on WW back then was that no food was off-limits. There was no "bad food". I just had to plan. My coworkers did not understand this.
I knew when the monthly office birthday cake was coming, so I banked my points (this was back in the 1-2-3 points days) so that I could participate. But when the day finally came, my coworkers would make a HUGE deal out of passing me by because I "wouldn't want that cake - what with all my weight loss progress", and if I'd take a piece anyway, then I'd have the disdainful looks to put up with for the rest of the day. Trying to explain the plan or explaining that I had been participating all along (even before they noticed my weight loss) didn't work. Their efforts in looking out for my "well-being" just left me frustrated.
...and when I went off WW and started gaining it all back, OMG - the chatter was horrendous!
Listen to Faerie - she's a smart one! And by "smart one", I don't mean a WW frozen meal. That would be a capitalized Smart One with one of those copyright thingies after it that I can't make in HTML.
