I have felt this way too. And like Yoyo, I have to remind myself that it all comes down to the same thing: we are all unhappy with our bodies, and we are all working to become comfortable with ourselves. Therefore, we are all facing the same struggle. I know there are probably people that look at my starting weight and goal weight and have that "pffft" reaction. I know I have had that reaction to other people. Just be proud of yourself and focus on making you feel better about yourself. You have done an amazing job so far. Keep it up!

Bekka,

If it makes you feel any better, I'm jealous of your starting weight

Seriously, the way I view it is that we all have our own struggles and our own ideals. I can't say I understand someone's journey completely when their highest weight is lower than my current weight considering I've never seen those numbers other than on the way up when I was a kid. I am glad though that those that want to lose weight realize it before their highest weights ever got higher. It is a tough journey, no matter if you have 10 lbs to lose or 100 although every body has different challenges.

My guess is that even Mother Theresa had plenty of uncharitable thoughts. It's human nature, to think "it's so unfair, that.....". And no matter how you fill in that blank, someone hearing it will say sarcastically (at least in their head) "YOU think you've got problems!"

As long as you're not wallowing in these feelings, or making yourself miserable, chalk it up to human nature. If you can rethink it in a way that's positive toward yourself and (if you're feeling really generous) the target of resentment, guilt or whatever it is, that's great (it's worth the effort anyway, so you can feel good that you at least tried to be nice).

Ok, I'm kind of kidding (if it sounded bad, reread the last paragraph imagining me saying it in a silly voice).

People are complicated, and we have all these feelings that don't make sense, even to ourselves. It can seem almost like having multiple personalities (except all my personalities know each other and have the same name).

I've been morbidly obese since age 5 (somehow I went from scrawny to blimpy overnight just before I started school), and dieting more often than not since then. I AM a different person than I would be if I never had more than 15 lbs to lose. The struggles are NOT the same, and so it's perfectly understandable that I don't understand them. That doesn't make them "easier" or "better," they're just different. In many ways, I feel sorry for someone with 10 lbs to lose, who hates themselves and their body because of (what I consider imaginary) fatness, especially when it's keeping them from enjoying their lives and fully participating in it. The "bathing suit" fear, is an ideal example. While I remember it (in junior high) I got over it, because I loved swimming and wasn't going to let anyone, let alone ME prevent me from enjoying it. Does that color the way I see someone I consider thin, complaining about not being "able" to swim because of how they look in a bathing suit? Of course. Contempt, followed by eye-rolling, followed by pity, and if I'm feeling really nice, a small (very small) amount of compassion, but understanding? Not really.

(Again, exagerating a little for effect, and not meant meanly, but all-in-all pretty acurately).

As usual, my response is long-winded and rambling - I just want to say you're feelings are normal, but don't let them stop you from coming here and getting what you need. If that means avoiding forums, threads, or posts that stir up those feelings, that's ok.

Oh wow, how many times have I been jealous of someone's starting weight? Constantly! Occassionally I think "What can I possibly offer this person advice-wise? They already weigh so much less than me!" As if merely weighing less has anything to do with knowledge of weight loss. >_<

I don't know if I get jealous of their end weights, only because I've never been close to normal weight ever so that's all new to me. (You'll notice my "150-ish", it's a ballpark... like many people I'll just have to figure it out the closer I get.)

Yoyo- Ya know... I actually have posted in a couple of "Featherweight" areas, and uh, I'm NO Featherweight They haven't kicked me out yet ^^ I actually appreciate all types of advice no matter what board I'm floating around on. Your point doesn't suddenly become less valid simply because you happen to be posting in the 300+ area.

I agree with Jay. We can all learn something from the different struggles and challenges that we face. We might even learn to be a little more empathetic. In the end we all share a common goal. To be healthier.

Thank you guys so much, I feel like a lot less of a bad person now And you all made one particular really really good points - I realized I really don't judge people whose goal weights are higher than mine, if anything I love that people are comfortable in their skins at whatever size is right for them. But god knows it would never enter my head that other people might think that about me :-P Crazy brain! Good thing I have you all to keep me sane.

We as women are hard on OURSELVES! Don't you think, no matter what our weight, size, whatever, we are all MOSTLY unhappy when we look in the mirror? I morn the days when I was 5'9 and 120s in my 20s. Now at 164 or so I think I'm FAT, not to my goal, I'm becoming a bit obsessive but I'm in MY OWN WORLD, my goal is to be a bit like I USED TO BE, unrealistic actually. I'm clueless, I know I'm not really FAT anymore, maybe at 180 I was last summer - and I've been stupid like talking to women MUCH more overweight about my "weight loss" in real life. I haven't been as thoughtful as I should have been. Going on about being FAT, when really another person wouldn't see me that way - I hide my stomach fat well and look MUCH thinner then I am.

SO life's lesson here... is we are selfish human beings in our own worlds with our own perspectives. You'll have to learn to take things less personally, but it's that part of this "journey"? I don't see weight loss as weight loss just for the purpose of going down in numbers - for me it's been a journey of weight loss, spiritual grown, growing up and being more real. I'm getting a little too obsessive about nutrition and things I never cared less about. Now all of a sudden I think that should be everyone's reality... you see how that works? You can take bits and pieces from this site, and this is the best site I've found for information - but as with anything in life, take "advice" with a filter, you choose what to listen to and what not to listen to - and realize most people are SELFISH, in their own worlds, with their own perspectives. And one day to you, that will be "ok" as you not only lose weight but build confidence to say yes or no to what you WANT.

I sometimes jump into threads from the front page. The only time I think I've stopped myself was one day in the maintainers forum. Mainly because I didn't really think I could impart any wisdom. I do sometimes wonder if people look at my posts when I'm out of my usual posting area and wonder what information I could possibly give them.

btw - I saw your post today and didn't think it was out of place.

For those people who are afraid of imparting wisdom on any part of the site, you guys have to remember that if you lost your weight in a healthy manner (i.e. not the grapefruit and 4 hours on a treadmill plan) then you have a unique experience and point of view that may help someone else.

Case in point. I've been part of class research projects in out kinesiology program at the university. Here's some weird stuff that today I taught some kines grad students that I learned from 3FC:

*Fitday or similar sites. The three people that interviewed me had no clue how I could spout off my daily averages and break them up into percentages of carbs, protein, and fat.

*Couch to 5k - these are people who have been fit all of their lives, of course they've never looked it up.

*Physiological differences between formerly obese and "normal" people. This came up when I told them how many calories I eat to lose with my exercise plan. Plus the fact that we get pretty low on our calories the closer we move to goal, and then start moving the calories up a bit at a time.

So far, I've been shocked at how expertly I can talk about HIIT versus cycling versus steady state cardio with kines grad students. Or how little they know about the challenges of being obese, exercising while obese (physiologically and psychologically), or the major difficulties in losing weight.

These are all things that I learned from a number of people here. Some, like Meg and Mel, have studied and it is part of their job. Most, like Glory or Jay or Sandi or Nelie or Robin or at least 20 other people off the top of my head are people with jobs outside of the nutrition/exercise business who have specialized knowledge on losing weight, nutrition, and exercise.

For me, I've looked past the starting and goal weights, even current weights. Good advice and experience comes from all sizes.

Do I get uncharitable thoughts? You bet I do. Especially if someone is my weight and uses a smaller size or someone is like 20 pounds heavier than me and uses my size. It makes feel like mooing at myself. At least until I remember that we're all built differently, and that clothing sizes are not the same as body sizes. But that usually happens after I moo at myself...

I remember years ago, I joined Weight Watchers cause I was so "fat"; I was embarrassed to go cause I weighed 146 at 5'5" tall. Well today I'm still 5'5" but 146 is less than my goal weight! I think we just have to concentrate on our current situation, not look at anybody else's, and do the best we can every day. What else is there to do?

Oops, that's totally me.

People carry weight so differently. A friend who weighs 15 pounds more than I do (same height) wears the same size.

160 on one person could look just as fabulous as 140 on someone else! It depends on your bone structure, etc, so just choose a good goal for YOU!

The grass is ALWAYS greener, you know. I have a wonderful family and home & still feel envious when I see others who seem to have more.

Let me tell ya - sometimes people are not telling the truth nor are they showing what they really are. I'm not saying people lie, just that stretching facts and figures sometimes makes them feel better.

So, just remember that we ALL feel like you do at one time or another in reference to just about anything - weight, money, looks, hair, clothes, kids, whatever.

Keep the faith and hang in - I will root my horn for you because you have done a GREAT job so far & will continue on your path!

I found this site from another poster somewhere here and it shows pics of people same weight, different body types, etc. Some perspective maybe?

http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodie...htweight.shtml

At 5'7" and 155 lbs. you are 5 inches taller than me and wiegh 11 lbs. less than me. If you're not 'good enough or normal sized', gee -- what does that make me? (Please know that I am laughing very much at the thought that someone might think that I'm 'not good enough' the way I am!). Am I the only person on here who isn't jealous of other people? Seriously? Why waste your energy being jealous of other people? What in the world can that possible accomplish? Are you jealous because they have different goals than you do? Of course they do, we're all different. It's never occured to me to read someones stats and be jealous of them. I read their stats and think 'bully for them, they've lost xx lbs so far' or 'they're getting close to their goal -- good for them'. Does my thinking the way I do make me a better person than you, or you a worse person than me? No, I don't think that way either. I just think the way I do and get on with my day. Guess I'm just an odd duck! They just had a report on tv last night about short people being more jealous than tall people (where, oh where do they come up w/this stuff? Are my tax dollars actually being spent on useless, inane garbage like this?). My husband looked at me and said 'hey, you're not the jealous type, are you?' What in the world would I have to be jealous about? Because someone else is thinner or prettier or richer? Who cares? Maybe I like myself a little too much? Dunno, I just knows I'm very comfortable in my own (shrinking ) skin.


See improbable, case in point right here. jellydisney's starting wt was 11 lbs. less than my current wt. Her current wt. is 1 lb. less than my goal wt. Her goal wt. is 10 lbs. less than my goal wt. And we're both the exact same height. So what? Should I change my goals just because hers are lower than mine? Seems kind of silly; I have no idea of her body type, her age, if she has kids. All this factors into things too. One thing I've learned from being here is that aboslutley, positively nothing is written in stone. Maybe I'll get to goal and decide to keep going for another 5 or 10 or 15 lb. loss. Maybe I'll maintain for a year. Who knows? Having a goal and achieving it and getting my wt down to a reasonable one is my focus today.
I know this was said to make a point, but . . . you really think this? I think there are exceptions to every rule and Mother Teresa was one of them.

Isn't it though? LOL There's always going to be someone who 'seems to have' something or 'seems to be' better than what we've got. 'Seems to'. Think about it.

I don't think you are bad. My goal weight is way bigger than most people want to be. I'm not aiming to be skinny. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to feel good about me and when I was 180, I felt great. I might change my goal weight when I reach it but right now that is what I feel want to be. I also want to have my "thick" body. Just not Fat! Make sense?

I think we all (or almost all) had a few of those thoughts and probably will again -- stuff like that is what keeps us all human. None of us can be the perfect size, the perfect friend, the perfect thinker, the perfect anything all the time. We just have to do the best we can and continue to support each other.

Wherever we are starting from; wherever we are right now; wherever we will finally get to -- the only thing of which I'm certain is -- we are all in this together.

Keep up the great work everybody.