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Old 01-11-2008, 01:55 PM   #1  
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Question How Do I Get Over It

My father went insane when I was six. We were handling it pretty well for about a year. Then he started being abusive. First just words the with his hands. At 8 there were 3 occasions where he molested me. After that my weight sky rocketed. My doctors some what knew the situation so they weren't concerned that the weight would be long term because they knew it because of the stress we were under. But it was. By the time I was in 5th grade, when my father committed suicide, I weighed 190. And I was teased relentlessly. A year before my dad died up to a month after, we had been living with my aunt and uncle. My mom worked 8-5 so my aunt pretty much raised us for that year. It was pure ****! She was constantly harassing me about my weight, putting me on different diets, telling me I would have piles of health issues by the time I was in high school, I wouldn't live to see 30 at the rate I was going, every time I would eat any thing she would say "do you really think you should be eating that?". School was even worse. I am very much a tomboy. I have always liked playing rough and tough outside games. People wouldn't let me play on there teams, they'd make comments like "we wouldn't want to make you lose your breath","I think this is too much for you to handle", or simply, "Oh go eat something and let us play". At lunch people wouldn't sit by me because they were afraid I would eat their lunch. They would tease me about "oh there's Savanah eating again" I eventually started eating lunch in the bathroom.
I was 14 and fatter than ever, 212. I became a Christian and God healed my heart from many things. After the emotional issues went away the pounds started coming off, just like the doctors promised when I was 9.
Now I am 17 looking better than ever, people are telling me all the time how great I look, guys are actually flirting with me! But I can't seem to get out of this mind set that no one likes me because I am fat. I know it isn't true but when ever some one isn't nice to me I think it's cause I'm fat, and just different situations. I don't really know how to get out of the fat mentality.

Do any of you know?

Last edited by savanahfloc; 01-11-2008 at 01:58 PM.
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Old 01-11-2008, 04:00 PM   #2  
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Hey Savannah,

I'm really overwhelmed by how difficult your story has been! And yet, here you are. That's really wonderful!

You may not get completely over the feeling that you are "too fat" for a long time, even when you get to your goal weight. You'll have to use your mental abilities to reverse that message, by noticing when you hear it in your mind, and then countering it: "I am a healthy weight. I am a good weight for someone of my height. I am physically fit." Prove it by looking at photos, looking in the mirror, seeing what the scale says. And eventually, that voice won't come up so often.

However, you may still have times when you are under stress when those messages come to the forefront again. Keep yourself aware that they are not reality--they are only messages from the past of long ago and they hold no power. They don't! They are not the truth.

I imagine that you have been in therapy during your life... but it may be that talking about this issue with a therapist could help, if you haven't already done so.


Jay

Last edited by JayEll; 01-11-2008 at 08:41 PM.
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Old 01-11-2008, 06:12 PM   #3  
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i agree with JayEll. <i always agree with her!>

but seriously - not a single soul on this planet can survive the ordeal you endured without having some healing to do.

so, while you're healing, here's a suggestion to manage those doubts, issues, concerns. imagine that you're talking to a friend, and she tells you the same story. what would you say to her? imagine that you're helping your friend through the same problem.

it's a strategy that's gotten me through some very difficult times.

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Old 01-11-2008, 06:13 PM   #4  
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I just wanted to give you a big *hug* and let you know you're doing a great job. Self esteem is hard to re-gain after being overweight, and especially when you've been through what you have. It's a one day at a time thing. When people compliment you, try saying "thank you" and not letting yourself debate whether or not it was "deserved". Start believing you deserve it, and eventually it will become natural. Just take baby steps

Last edited by cakses; 01-11-2008 at 06:14 PM.
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Old 01-11-2008, 06:57 PM   #5  
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Two ideas. One, distract yourself with a cause, something you can really immerse yourself in. Since you are about college age, you should be challenging yourself to learn things. Read, study, and participate in so many things you don't have time to worry about your demons. (I have learned, if you don't feed your demons, they die of starvation). Or try to find one cause that will really occupy your mental energy, like saving feral cats or something.

Second, fake it till you make it. Pretend you have confidence. When someone compliments you, say thank you graciously, as if you believe you deserve it. In all situations, act as if you have confidence. Eventually, you will find it is true!

Good luck and best wishes to you. I think you have done an admirable job so far. (Oops! There's a compliment. Now act like you deserve it!)
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