[MiddleEye]

Hi everyone,
I am a lurker who has only recently crossed over into a poster. Sorry for whining. I feel kind of bad jumping into posting by complaining about stuff, but...
I am confused by how you guys got yourself motivated to start losing weight. I have been on a "eat healthy, exercise" plan for years now and so far haven't managed to do anything. Ha.
It's like there's a beast in my head that does nothing but sit there saying, "You need to stop for ice cream. If you don't you'll be bored and just have to go out later for it." and then somehow I just end up listening to it. I feel like if I don't eat junk food I am so unsatisfied that I can't sit still until I stuff myself with snacks. I feel hungry even though I'm not and cranky. I know it's all in my head, but it doesn't make it any easier to stop it.
I have added fruit and vegetables to my diet, but I can't get rid of the urge to stuff myself with junk. I eat and eat and eat junk food until I'm so full and tired that I can't do anything except go to bed and then wake up hungry all over again.
I eat when I'm hungry, when I'm depressed, when I'm happy. Ha. I want to eat all the time.
It's like once a pound goes on it's there forever and then it leans out the window and invites all its friends over.
I know I can't be the only one who started out here. How did you guys get yourself out of this? I feel so...helpless? Hopeless? I don't know. It's horrible when you feel like your body is a stubborn mule you can't control. I say, "Go," but it digs its heels in and says, "No."

[chick_in_the_hat]

You most definately are NOT A MONSTER!!!!

for coming out of lurk mode. That was step one and you've already done it!!

Step two is look around and see if there is any plan that sounds like something you might be able to do. There are tons of plans, I'm a calorie counter, but you might want something more structured to begin with, like Weight Watchers or something.

Then, start. Add some exercise and you are on your way! You CAN DO THIS!

The bananas are cheering you on!!

[ennay]

Realize that this will be progress not perfection. With very very few exceptions those of us who have had binge histories have had relapses. The difference is in how soon we take control back

At some level we have to decide that we are stronger than the beast. I remember one night feeling "compelled" to get icecream. I was driving on autopilot with 1/2 my brain saying "you dont want it, you dont need it" and then thinking "but you are going to get it anyway and there is nothing you can do about it". At that divine moment the song "Free Will" came on the radio and I made the choice to not go home. At some point you have to take back your own power

Make it hard to fail. Get up right now, dont read any more posts, go to your kitchen and throw out every single bit of junk food in your house. All of it. Every morsel. RIGHT NOW - the rest of the thread will still be here when you get back.
.
.
.
Take the trashbag out to the dumpster or outside trash can.

OK, now from now on when you drive, lock your wallet and all your money in the trunk of your car so you cant go through drive-thru windows.

Then visit here often, visit the Chicks in Control threads, start to learn coping strategies and DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP if you slip, simply look at it as a learning experience and move on.

[jordan]

So many of us have started a million times only to stop (for me usually in about two days). Eventually something just clicked, but I know that isn't a very helpful answer. A big part of it really is planning. It eliminates the need to make choices. I, for one, eat the same thing everyday and that has been the secret to my success. I never have to worry about temptation because there is absolutely no question what I will be eating for each meal. Planning ahead is SO important to success...sticking to the plan is the most important, obviously, but you can't do one before the other. I hope you can find your key to success because losing weight really is such an individualized thing.

[CountingDown]

Not a monster - believe me - I have been there. For me, I didn't really want to make the commitment for many years. I was pretty content at 215 lbs - all things considered.

Then, one day - I dropped a pen in the hall at work. My boss walked by about that time. I was panic stricken. I could not gracefully bend over to pick it up. In fact, bending over to pick it up was more of a dive- grab -pray that I got it on the first try and didn't lose my balance in the process. It was a "moment of truth" where I had to face the fact that my life was not gonna be pretty - even 5 years from now. A week later, we were visiting our children (which we don once a year) in SF. The kids took us to several places they wanted us to see. It involved a lot of walking - very steep hills, and many, many steps. I couldn't keep up. It was then that I realized that my weight was actually keeping me from doing things with my kids - something that was not acceptable to me. It took me 3 months after that to decide that I was really ready to make the commitment to change my life for good. I think that it also helped that I turned 50 in Oct. Those milestone birthdays are good for helping motivate change.

In other words, I had several trigger events that were wake-up calls. The let me know that I had two choices - become less and less able to live life the way I wanted to live it - or - CHANGE.

You gotta want it badly enough. You gotta realize that this is forever. You gotta be ready to work, and work, and learn and fail and pick yourself up the next day and continue.

Until I was really in that place, that little voice always won out.

Once I was ready, finding a plan (calorie counting), getting the tools I needed (including a scale and lots of exercise videos), and finding a support system (my DH was willing to do this with me, joining 3FC and visiting often) were important steps. The final think I had to do was plan. If it isn't on my plan - it doesn't go in my mouth. Period. No exceptions. No matter what. Non-negotiable. If I want ice cream - it has to be in the plan. If I am going out to eat - its gotta be in the plan. You get the idea...

[MiddleEye]

Hmm. Thanks everyone! Food for thought. And hey! I really did throw away all the junk food.
I do need to come up with a plan. And stick with it. I guess I will have to start cooking separate meals for my hubby and myself. He is very, very skinny and doesn't have much interest in healthy things. He will not eat most things, actually. Meat, mashed potatoes, pizza. That's about it.
I think his eating habits are part of why I'm so big. I adopted them, sadly.
See, I was very, very fat all through my childhood starting when I was about seven. Insanely fat. And then as a teenager I became thin. I stayed that way for a while and then became moderately plump in my twenties. And I'm so embarrassed of those pictures of me from when I was huge. No one except my mom knows that those photos are of me. Not even my husband. I told him they're of a cousin I made up. And I was so unrecognizably big that he never has caught on. One time I even said that it was me and he just laughed and said, "Yeah right. You could never have been that huge." So I don't correct him.
He doesn't understand because he's so thin and has always been that way. And it doesn't help that his whole family is skinny. His mom and her sister are as fit as racehorses. I feel like such a slug going to their house at the holidays because everyone is small and I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking, "Wow, would you look at the size of "hubby's" wife. Good thing we don't live on the lake or someone would end up chopping up this manatee with their JetSki."
Anyway, I will find a plan and probably do what someone else said and try to end basically the same thing everyday. I would be good at that. I pretty much do that now only none of it is healthy.
Thanks so much, everyone.

[chick_in_the_hat]

My DH doesn't have a weight problem, either. We both cook, but I eat a smaller piece of meat than him & WAY more veggies and he'll have bread or potaotes or pasta on the side. It ain't fair, but we can't try to keep up with the number of calories they can put away.

[Shy Moment]

You are NOT a monster. You are human.

Each and every one of us came to a day that we were sick and tired of being sick and tired of being fat. For me the meds were out of my system and I wanted to look like I did before the meds added a grade schooler to my body lol. For others it was other reasons. Someone here has a saying on the bottom of their signature " Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" Oh how right they are, and that little sentence on the bottom of their signature runs thru my head every time I want to eat more than I should of something I love.

I tend to eat the same things all the time. They are things I love and wouldn't want to do without. I even have mountain dew time a couple times a week. I wait for that mountain dew and sure don't over do on the carbs on the other days or I won't let myself have it. Ok, I have a mountain dew problem, wonder if there is a Mountain Dew Anonymous club out there lol. Anyway, I generally sit the night before with my fit day and decide what I am going to have the next day ( no different than someone that takes the meat out of the freezer for tomorrows dinner ). I know everything fits into the amounts I allow myself and that makes it easy to stick to. Sure I go under or over the amounts I allow myself from time to time but I always average for the week where I want myself to be.

I want to be down to where I want to be by my birthday next year Nov 9. I don't care about losing fast ( ok there are days I wish it were coming off faster, 1lb a week sometimes seems very slow ). I care about it staying off. Just a little planning and a little restraint from time to time. Really makes it all work.

Support is really important. My husband is wonderful. Things aren't brought into the house, like chocolate chip cookies ( heavens I do love chocolate chip cookies lol ). I have to say the people here at this site are my biggest support group. They cheer me on when I need it, kick me in the bum and tell me to plug on when I need it and are here for me all the time.

[leanmoomercows]

First of all, you are not a monster. We have ALL been there, and that's why we're all here trying to lose weight! You know you have a problem with your eating habits and you're trying you're hardest to better them. That makes you very, very far from a monster.

Right now, I'm on the South Beach Diet. It's working well for me, but I don't think it's the kind of diet that I think would work for you. It requires cutting many foods and types of foods out of your diet in the beginning. And the urges are almost unbearable, but after the first few days, you begin to notice the cravings go away. But, you seem as though you wouldn't react as well to that diet, because it seems as though you still want to eat the foods you love.

May I suggest Weight Watchers? Read into it and find out as much as you can. I'm pretty sure it's a diet that doesn't limit your possibilities as food. All it does is make sure you keep your calories intake in check. And I feel like that's something you're more apt to take on better.

Also, have you read the support forum folder on this site entitled "Chicks in Control"? It's about us out there who tend to overeat or binge, and you may find some help there as well. You'll find lots of women in the exact same situation you are in right now in that forum. And that alone could help you better understand yourself and make you feel better.

Good luck!!!

[MiddleEye]

Thanks. No, cutting more foods probably would not be great for me. Ha. I actually do really well cutting foods, but only temporarily. I have a really bad habit of saying, "You can always just start dieting tomorrow." Don't we all know how that goes?
Well, that's over now. Tomorrow has come. I finally realized how much my weight, or rather my feelings about my weight, are affecting my life. Some people can be fat and just love it, but I just can't fell comfortable being overweight. I have let it take over every part of my life. I don't buy fancy clothes because I think, "Who would care? If anything people will just laugh." And even my opinions. I somehow let the fact that I'm fat stop me from expressing myself. Like I feel like I should be extra perfect (never get mad at anyone, etc) as though it will make up for what I lack in looks.
I can't describe it. It's almost like "anti-vanity". That's the only way I can think to describe it. I feel like everyone is watching and commenting on everything I do, the way a vain girl might, only instead of thinking it because I'm beautiful it's because I think I'm horrible looking. And in my heart I know that no one cares what I look like. I look like a million other overweight women who hide themselves in unattractive clothes and nondescript hairstyles. If anything I'm the least noticeable person out there, but you all probably know what it's like to be fat and to imagine that every single eye is following you.
Everyone is critical when you're big. It's like if you're not Angelina Jolie size you're not worthy of living. To me Angelina Jolie looks like a skeleton that's somehow unearthed itself and is up walking around.
I don't want to say that my husband is not supportive...but he's not particularly supportive either. I don't know. He is fine.
Anyway, I am now part of the losing weight crew! I will look into Weight Watchers. Oh, and mentioning Mountain Dew! I am addicted to Dr Pepper. I don't know how I will live without it! But I am going to try to cut soda out of my diet, except for an occasional one. I have actually cut all fast food from my life. I have not been to a burger joint in several weeks now. Now I just have to keep away from the junk and start looking into good food and a plan.
You guys have made me feel much better already!

[SouthLake]

MiddleEye- I feel your pain! You're not a monster, or atleast, if you are, I am too. I can more than relate to your pain, because I've lived it too. I tried eating healthy, only to succumb to the intense junk food urges. I would find myself digging in to buckets of fried food with reckless abandon. There's a few things I've changed. They may not work for everyone, but so far they're working for me. Admittedly, I haven't truly seen it on the scale just yet, as I've just started turnign things around, but the difference in my attitude is HUGE. Here goes:

The first thing I had to do was get rid of my mentality that some foods were "bad". That whole don't step on the grass thing kicks in and all the sudden that junk food is the only thing I wanted. On top of that, when I caved in I always thought "well it's bad and so I can't cave in again, so I'll just eat more now as a form of goodbye" You can see how that mentality is all wrong. I also decided that I no longer had foods that are off-limits. I went out to dessert tonight, had a couple bites of each and was totally satisfied.

I will say that, atleast for me, eating according to a strict plan ended up not working out so well. I guess I'm rebellious even against my own authority. But, I must make sure that I have a general idea, pack my food the night before, and keep healthy options at home.

I can also relate to the whole DH food habit thing. Maybe try tweaking the recipes to his fav foods? I have a FABULOUS recipe for ranch mashed potatoes with butter that hardly tip the scale at 160 calories. Or try making homemade pizza with reduced fat cheese and lots of veggies. Buy lean cuts of meat and grill them instead of using fat in cooking. Add lots of veggies to the side and watch your portion sizes.

And most of all, forget the notion that junk food is better than a home-cooked meal made with fresh ingredients.

[JayEll]

Hey, MiddleEye,

Now, just for a sec, look at that avatar you have. Do you think that the Queen of Egypt would have turned herself into an ice cream 'ho'?

It may be that you are using food as your solace, your way of taking care of yourself--like you might buy a child a treat to help her feel better. Of course, that's a hard habit to break, because then how will you help yourself feel better?

Exercise. Whoa, I can hear you now! But I don't mean pushups, overexertion, hut two three four. All I mean is, walking. If you live where you can take a walk outdoors and it's not too cold, start with that. Or go to a mall (but the food court is out of bounds!). Or, get a Walk Away the Pounds video--you can find them used, and sometimes they are at the library. You'll find that moving really does help you to feel better! Lots better than eating foods that will only make your weight go up.

I really would look into Weight Watchers if I were you, because you may benefit from having a support group and a plan to follow. Motivation comes and goes, but if you have support and a plan, they can sometimes get you through.

And come back here and post, read posts, comment! We all know what it's like.

Jay

[Hermit Girl]

My DH is the same way, and his grown children, exwife, sister, dad & step mom...the whole clan are fit and slender, and always have been. My family have all been weight gainers who struggle with diets. DH and I met when I was in my athletic prime, and 50 pounds lighter than I am now (just after I went on a diet using thermogenics and lost 25 pounds was a bit thin), I was his "IronWoman". But so sadly it's been an aching sure spiral away from that for 13 years now. Each year I pushed the size a bit more. I can't even ride with him now, and our backpacking trips are exasperating for me. I can't believe I've let myself choose FOOD over FUN. Everything I use to do, and that we use to enjoy, is greatly hampered because of my choice to sabotage with food. I have been posting for almost 5 months on this forum, wondering which move to make to actually START, and am still trying to figure out. THe people on this forum are very experienced, very atttentive!

I love the blog feature, because just talking about ourselves in that safe little closet where one or two encouraging people occasionally pop in and cheer you on, is *such* a wonderful thing.

I'm with the WALKING to FITNESS program myself, and right now, it's my goal each day to just NOT OVEREAT, and to walk every morning (non-negotiable according to our dog, my personal trainer) as far as I can. On really good days I'm out again, a second time, in the late afternoon before cooking dinner.

As far as dinners go, for now my main focus is to cook a nice entree for 'us' (really>for him), and the most important thing for me to stay on plan with is to ALSO serve a very delicious and ample vegetable dish, or large salad, so that I have plenty of veggies to eat while DH fills up on his moderate portions of meat & potatoes or pizza. DH eats the veggies too, but pretty much we're getting this understanding lately that I fill up on veggies first before I eat the entree, and ultimately I will take the plunge to the all veggie side, and do the program of veggies for dinner, at least most nights in the week. It's not really two dinners, but I'm making less entree, and more veggies than I use to. Easy!

[Shy Moment]

Middle
For me cutting down the mountain dew was not an easy task. Ok, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be but not easy either. I was drinking 6 to 8 cans a day. I didn't eat. 99% of my calories came from that mountain dew. You would have thought I would have dropped a ton of weight just getting rid of the pop. NOPE sure didn't. I had been drinking that much pop for 20 years and it didn't put weight on so getting rid of it wasn't going to take weight off. I was a bit disappointed. I thought oh this is going to drop just tons of weight.

First I switched to caffeine free little by little ( when I could find it, have to go to another county to buy the stuff they don't sell it around here. Now that was a bit hard. I had an addiction to the caffeine. Way better on my tummy. Then I found I liked Lipton tea in a bottle. The sweetened kind. I got rid of 2 cans of pop a day and substituted that bottle of tea for it. Now I drink a can once sometimes twice a week, sometimes I don't have any if I just don't have enough carbs left for the day to have the pop. It fits into what I allow myself usually. That is my ' MOUNTAIN DEW ' time. Little by little the pop was gone. Then I started working on the tea. Each bottle had 32 carbs. Less than the can of mountain dew but still way to much. I split one bottle into two and added caffeine free tea that I made. On and on until now 1 bottle is split into 3, this took time. It didn't happen over night. If I tryed to go without the carbs or the caffeine to fast I craved sweets and had headaches. The doc said go slow you need to get the body use to not having it. I would back down a bit and try again the next week.

Comes out to about 11 carbs each and that I allow myself. I drink two bottles a day. It fits into what I allow myself each and every day. Next week I am going to split it into four. By spring I will be drinking caffeine free tea with no sugar at all just like I use to. It is baby steps, don't try to to it all at once. This isn't a race. This is a journey to a more healthy person.

[lumifan4ever]

Hi MiddleEye....welcome!!! So glad you are joining us here and posting your fears. We can't help if we don't know....right???? Anyways...my real peice of advice is ....knowlege. Knowledge is power. I agree with not making any food off limits. But you must be able to portion out a single serving size. But how do you do that if you're eating out?? Knowledge. There are soooo many websites out there that have national chain restraunts menus with nutritional values posted. I am a calorie counter. I picked a number and tried it out for a while to see if lost weight and then went from there.

Also, there are great websites to log your daily food intakes in. My favorite is Fitday.com. It helps me count my calories, my fats , my carbs and my proteins. I can record my weight and see how it is coming down, i can see how many calories i am getting per day, per week, per month if i want. I can see how my weight has changed per week, per month, per 6 months, per year...ect.

All i can really say is...knowledge is the most useful tool you can have at your disposal to help your weightloss efficiently. Google weightloss sites and read as much as you can. I have all kinds of weightloss sites that i recieve email tips from everyday. I get one from hungry girl.com and one from lifescripts.com....i go often to different websites and try to find the calories of my fav foods from fast food restraunts so i don't go into mcdonalds blindly ordering a big man, large fries and a diet coke and then think i can stop off at kfc for chicken strips on the way home for dinner that same day.

Can i just say one more time....Knowledge is POWER!!!!!

~~~~okay...off my soap box now~~~~~ hehehehe

Again...WELCOME and good luck!!!