I've noticed that I can be incredibly insecure. Today, I look like ****. I've been getting around three hours of sleep for the last few nights because I'm working on a web development project (in addition to my regular job ) I got into a discussion with a guy at work about plastic surgery. HE brought it up, not me; we somehow started talking about how different careers in the entertainment industry have strict physical demands and how beauty and symmetry are synonymous. I strongly disagreed, mostly because I have plenty of insecurities and think I'm asymmetrical.
Anyway, I somehow took this plastic surgery conversation personally and thought maybe he was hinting to me that I needed plastic surgery!
I've noticed that I do this often. I take a conversation that has NOTHING personal in it and then my crazy brain somehow TWISTS IT and MAKES it personal! Then, I get upset, angry, and offended, which gives me the urge to rip the conversator a new one, though my rational mind tells me I can't do that to someone undeserving!
Do you do this also? And do you think being overweight (or once being overweight) can really add to insecurity?
i think everyone is insercure, size or not, i have a friend she is stunning, size 10/8 in the uk, but she has lower esteem then i do. inner confidence can be related to how u look yes, but i dont think having been or being over weight is any different to having hair loss, or a skin condition, infact i think we should see it as a priviledge, that we can, or have changed our lives. where as some peoples insecurities never will be able to be ultered, they just have to learn to live with it.
i try to look on the good side of life, makes me remeber how lucky i am somtimes, feeling sorry for myself only seems to make more problems
Actually...everyone is not insecure, or at least I am not. But...I do always want to look my best and do plan on having plastic surgery. To me it is like makeup...just making me look my best me!
Being insecure and not liking something about yourself is not the same thing to me. There are things I don't like about myself but it doesn't make me insecure. I don't care what anyone else thinks about me...all that matters is what I think. I do things for me, and I want to look good for me, not anyone else.
I completely understand what you are saying, previously when I lost weight (I was 5'7 145) guys would look at me and I would think it was because I looked weird or they were judging me or something, now I can look back and say yeah it was because they were checking me out thats all.
I still have many of those insecurities, if someone talks about being fat or saying something about overweight people or something and just happens to be looking at me (because they are talking to me ) I take it personally.
I can 100% understand everything you're saying. I do believe that it is because I was overweight and am again.
Oh wow, Rhighlan, you were even worse than me! When guys look my way, I figure it's because they are checking me out, but just like you, when people mention fat/overweight individuals and look at me, I get afraid that they're thinking I am one of them!
I'll never be a tiny girl and I've accepted that. I have a large rib cage, broad shoulders, childbearing hips, and now a large amount of muscle mass, which while it may make me look solid, lean, and sturdy,I'm not thin and unless I practice eating disorders again (I did on and off for 5 years), I never will be. I now wear near the same size as I did while thin, but because I am more toned/built, I no longer have the "slender" look.
I now have insecurities about those things I cannot change, despite accepting them to the best of my abilities.
I think being overweight can KEEP you insecure. It may even cause insecurity if you became overweight through illness or medications. But I think a lot of people end up overweight BECAUSE they're insecure already.
I used to be very insecure. It took a very loving husband and a lot of distance from the family that created those insecurities to find the real me. Once done, THEN I was able to lose weight and keep it off for the first time after many yo-yo diets.
I find the less I focus on other people's bodies/lives/finances/etc, the less insecurity findx its way into life. It's a choice though. I find people who are very insecure to be kind of dangerous to me because the way in which their insecurities manifest might be negative and possibly scary.
I'm with you on the taking things personally. Here's a good one for you:
A company that my office has worked with in the past, but not so much lately, has been trying to win back our business. One of the other women here placed some business with this company. She's my age (40+) and overweight, too. Anyway, the rep from that company sent her some flowers. Shortly after, I placed some business with this same company and the same rep sent some cheesecake to me. I thought WTF??? Why is he sending the cheesecake to me????? I quickly put it out for everyone to share so that I didn't eat it, but I took it to heart until my friend pointed out to me that the flowers and the cheesecake came from the same vendor and that it was probably arbitrary.
I kinda agree with ALMOST HEAVEN ~ that insecurity can lead to weight problems and keep you there. I was insecure before I become heavy; the insecurity stemmed from a childhood of abuse and trauma. My insecurites cover the gammut (what all you have already expressed).
I also get offended when someone makes a nasty remark about fat people or even just one person, ie recently two guys were talking about a friend; said the friend had fallen down some steps and broke several ribs +, then the other guy said, "Well maybe if he wasn't so fat, he wouldn't have hurt himself so badly!" I was so annoyed; and told him that being overweight has nothing to do with slipping on some ice and snow-covered steps and falling down; and the fact that he had some cushioning probably prevented even worse injury ...
I have to admit, I was also just offended that they were ditching their friend in this way behind his back. I have experienced this so many times; and no matter how hard I try, my insecurities about MY weight come out more at these times.
And, I too thought guys were making passes at me cuz I looked like a floozy (tells my age, eh?); later, I realized they just wanted to go out with me, cuz they thought I was cute! I have to constantly remind myself to not take everything personally; but, it's hard ...
I think that being insecure leads to many unhealthy self medication. Food just happens to be most readily available for many of us. But I can think of plenty of other unhealthy things people do when they are insecure. (Insert self-destructive behaviors here)
My true problem is that these insecurities may be compounded by the fact that everyone assumes a fat person is one way & one way only. Lazy stupid & jolly. Not to mention it's used as an insult, not a description. (I can think of another word that comes to mind that immature people use in place of the word "stupid".)
This needs to be solved. I also believe this should begin with the way I feel about fat. Were someone to call me "fat" I believe my best response would be "You've got brown hair..." Were they trying to insult me? They can't using that word anymore.
Also, thinking that everyone else is thinking about us is, well, being a little full of ourselves. I've definitely felt like that before. But, come on, people are WAY too concerned with thinking that everyone else is thinking about them to even consider us. Imagining myself thinking about every other person on the planet is just silly enough that I can stop myself from feeling that everyone else has no life and only thinks about me. (Long-winded sentence, but I hope I got my point across ^^;; )
I had another thought about this topic today. I think that what insecure people need most is to have their confidence boosted (healed). They also need encouragement and validation of their self-worth; most of all, they need love and support!
EDIT ~ FAIRIE, I do agree with you that most people are really thinking about whether others are thinking about them; once a person is aware of that, it goes a long way to help their insecurities.
The average person does suffer from some kind of insecurity; that's only human nature. However, abused persons do need encouragement, support, and healing. Now, I am talking from personal experience, and as a retired, professional counsellor for such persons.
ROSEBUD
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 10-27-2007 at 01:17 PM.
Faerie- YES, I know exactly what you are talking about.
People are not spending so much time thinking about us, as they are thinking everyone is thinking about THEM. It is very amusingly ironic.
NShane - from your posts you seem like a very independent thinker. But you are in the entertainment industry which depends on enticing others, so it is a challenging dichotomy. I don't have that challenge; I can more easily dismiss the flippant judgements of others as not having much importance. So I don't have any answers, but this is a fascinating topic. Also, there is a lot to be said for people in the biz that others can relate to. Not many people (unless they have egos the size of South America) will relate to perfection.
huh interesting topic.. In some ways I was more insecure back when I was a teen until I was about 21 and I was thin. I obsessed over my hair and makeup always being "just right" and being dressed just right for the right ocassion. Now I'm not so bad.. I don't spend an hour on my hair and 45 minutes on my makeup anymore. Lot of that had to do with how I was raised. I had a mother that would refuse to go to the grocery store without makeup on and would be embarrassed if she had no make up on and the neighbors saw her getting the mail. And she would pressure me to fix my hair this specific "way" and to put on makeup every single day from the age of 12. Now that I'm not living with her anymore and I've had to set boundaries too with her, it's like I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin. But I do understand being insecure in conversations. I've had a bit of uncomfortable conversations to come up with this one friend of mine and she's starting to need to lose weigh herself and she seems to like pointing out "so and so looked like **** the other night"..and points out people gaining weight or losing weight and etc.. I really don't like that. And I'll be like hello I'm no fatter or skinnier than this person you're talking about! Then she'll be all like no you're not fat and then stop talking about the "fat person" in question like she's realized she made a mistake.
Last edited by blondebritbrat17; 10-28-2007 at 12:22 PM.
I've been there myself. Binging, starving, binging, starving. You do have an important life, because it's YOURS. Now I know I can't convince you of that. But I hope that you'll come to the realization.
Are YOU insecure, too?
) I got into a discussion with a guy at work about plastic surgery. HE brought it up, not me; we somehow started talking about how different careers in the entertainment industry have strict physical demands and how beauty and symmetry are synonymous. I strongly disagreed, mostly because I have plenty of insecurities and think I'm asymmetrical. 
) I take it personally. 
When guys look my way, I figure it's because they are checking me out, but just like you, when people mention fat/overweight individuals and look at me, I get afraid that they're thinking I am one of them! 
ROSEBUD 
