Yay! My first post!! I am very familiar with 3FC but never joined the forums. Getting excited to get to know some of you!!

My name is Erin. I am 33. I CAN NOT get motivated!! WTF? I have always been overweight but there are many times in my life that I could get serious about dropping weight and I just can't seem to keep it going for more than one day!!

I have a son who will be 2 next month and we are trying to have another. I was hoping to drop at least 20 before getting pregnant again. I am only 5'2" (on a good day) and I don't feel healthy (or happy) anymore!

Do any of you have any suggestions for motivation? Something to keep me going?

Thank you!!
xo, E

Motivation is great, but it tends to be short term. Any permanent weight loss requires permanent change...like, for the rest of your life. It is impossible to be MOTIVATED every single day. Instead of looking for motivation, plan a healthy life style, make it a habit and then reward yourself for following your plan.

Make some goals that are under YOUR control. Eating 5+ servings of vegetables a day, trying 1 new healthy recipe a week (with the internet there are literally thousands of healthy recipes at your fingertips), going to bed on time 3 nights a week.

I would advise sitting down and making a 1 week plan. Plan every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks), look up recipes, making a shopping list. Hit the store, buy what's on your list. Clean out your cabinets/frig - toss anything junky. Make a plan to exercise 3 times a week. Eat your planned meals, drink your water, get lots of sleep, exercise. After one week, reward yourself with something nice - pedicure, cute sandals, summer highlights. Make it a big reward for week 1

Repeat repeat repeat. Motivation comes and go, habits get me through the times when my motivation flags. I just go to the grocery store on Sundays, no questions (just like I floss every night). I make a healthy breakfast every morning (I make it easy by ALWAYS having healthy stuff on hand). I get salad at lunch - I decide before I even go downstairs and don't look at the other options. Just go RIGHT for the salad bar. I always park on the third floor of hte parking garage and walk up all the stairs - no questions, just zoom all the way down in the car, passing by all the empty spaces.

I have built such a fortress of healthy habits around me that eating right and maintaining my weight loss are easy.

Along the same lines that Glory posted, motivation will definitely come and go - what's needed is COMMITMENT, to a better and healthier lifestyle. So when the motivaton is nowhere to be found, you will still have that commitment. If you are commited to eating better and exercising, then it will be easier to make better choices each and every time you eat something. If you are commited to new and healthier habits then it becomes easier to say no to foods that are no longer on your plan.

And like Glory says, I believe planning is ESSENTIAL. Getting rid of all the junk in my home and ADDING in healthy foods, always having them available has been key for me. If I want to munch on something there's always someting healthy available that won't ruin my weightloss efforts. I no longer need cookies since there's always fresh berries on hand (especially now in the summer). It won't be lunch time and I'll scrounge around looking for something and wind up with G-d knows what, I KNOW what I will be eating and it will be healthy. Same with dinner. It's all planned out. All nutritious, low-cal, satisfying (usually protein and fiber) and another key for me - DELICIOUS foods. I love my plan, I love the foods I'm eating. I eat every 2 1/2 hours or so, so that I am never hungry. Since I love what I'm eating and am totally satisfied - there's no reason to go off of my plan, thus allowing me to lose the weight (and then hopefully maintaining it, I'm still new to this.)

I've also come to the realization that slip ups are going to happen. They're inevitable. The key is to make them infrequently, not so terrible crazy awful and then most importantly to get back to the good habits as soon as possible. Like the next meal. No beating oneself up. Right back on track.

So I wouldn't be too concerned about motivation, although that 2 year old son of yours and the prospect of another one is certainly plenty of motivation. But even sometimes excellent reasons like those. simply are not enough. But the absolute determination and the commitment will see you through the rough patches.

You CAN do this. Good luck to you.

I'm going to hang my stupidity out for all to see ... cuz I'm never sure what folks mean when they say that. I had to look motivation up in the dictionary.

This is what I found ...the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior; "we did not understand his motivation"; "he acted with the best of motives"

I'm still not sure that I understand ... I'll think on that ... feel free to explain that as it applies to you. Maybe I can better understand it in a "your case scenario".

Susan--I had never looked up the actual definition of motivation. When I read what you had transcribed, the impression I got was that motivation is what moves us to the FIRST step--it's what gets us going. A picture, a comment, an incident, a piece of clothing, a coming event/date/day, whatever. We all have those things. No one needs a push for the first step. We all have them. What we really need is the push for the second, third, and 143,584,385,372th step. We have what GETS us going, but what KEEPS us going?

I really liked what Glory wrote, about building a fortress of healthy habits. I'm in OA, and I'm on 122 days of abstinence. Throughout this experience, I wake up every morning and ask myself what I need to do to defend that abstinence. I prepare the foods I need, make the plans I need to make, find my exercise clothes, whatever, all with the eye on defending my abstinence. There's something there--something in building a fortress to protect ourselves--that keeps us going.

The idea of protection and nurturance (is that a word?) is an interesting one, too. If I were FORCING myself to be abstinent, I can tell you right now that I'd have broken it by now. As it is, I treat it like something good I'm doing for myself, like something precious. That shift in mindset, from a punishment for getting into this place to a protection against things that would harm me, is vital. IMHO.

Okay, I'm rambling, I'll hush now.

the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal

Yup, whatever motivates you to move, to act. But whatever that is may not seem as important tomorrow. Today, you may look in the mirror and feel frumpy and fat and decide you HAVE to lose weight. Tomorrow, you may be having a better day, less water retention, a better, more flattering choice in clothing, and not give it a moment's thought, or think well, its not THAT bad, I can let it slide a bit today. Then let it slide a bit again tomorrow.

Like others said, you really need to commit to losing. THEN, you can motivate yourself.

Some of what I used to keep me going was to ALWAYS remove larger clothing. Everytime I dropped a size and bought new clothes, things that no longer fit? They went straight to Goodwill...fast. I don't know about the vast majority, but *I* can't afford a new wardrobe every week. So there was no going back. If my clothes got too tight, I was stuck with them.

Secondly, I bought one outfit a size smaller than I wore. I paid a little more for this than I normally would, something I REALLY loved. And I hung it on the front of my dresser so I had to move it out of my way to open my drawers and so I'd see it daily and be tempted to try it on every day until the daggone thing fit. Then I'd go buy another one another size smaller.

The biggest thing though was to completely redesign my food. I cleared out the junk. If there are no sodas in the fridge, I HAVE to drink water. If hubby's food is on a different shelf, I don't have to look at it. If HE wants junk, it goes in a cabinet I won't be looking in, so I'm not going to see it and be tempted by it. I keep fresh fruit in plain view though so I nosh on that all the time. And I make sure to look up menus to restaurants BEFORE I go out. Granted I've gotten a bit more lax with this last because I now usually go to the same restaurants and know what I'm eating there, or, if my family wants to go somewhere on a whim, I can still guesstimate. Then I just enter it into Fitday when I get home.

Which is another step...log your food and exercise RELIGIOUSLY.

Wow. Very interesting when you look at it differently.
I have the motivation to get started. To literally see my goals happening for me. Unfortunately it always happens as I am stuffing myself silly. Last Friday I weighed 180. Yesterday morning I was 190.4 - now I have to fight like **** to get back to 180 when I was just there!!

I think I am afraid. Scared to death that I am never going to get to eat certain foods again, the way I like to eat. I don't know why I am so scared.

I have great goals. My biggest goal is to fit into my wedding rings (only been married four years and my rings haven't fit for about 2.5 years now). I am a little person - or I should be. I am a little person that is very fat. My personality has totally faded and I am no longer that perky photogenic happy girl!

I see all of your success. I am so happy for all of you. I know you feel incredible!!

I need to find that commitment. I need to stop being so scared of success.
Just not exactly sure how.

I am commited to working out - have been doing it for over 14 years! My husband is unbelievably fit/strong/hot. He is committed like I dream to be.

Sorry, I am rambling... I want to explain who I am but it's so hard to get it all out right here.

Man, there are some smart people here! I agree 100% with the people who said that motivation is just a fleeting feeling, and not enough to get you through. You have to set yourself up for success rather than relying on feeling motivated. I can GUARANTEE that there are days - maybe even weeks! - when you will NOT have motivation. You need to set up your life and habits to handle that. There's some great advice here. Plan your meals. Record what you eat (ALL of it!). Plan before you go out to a restaurant. Keep healthy food ready and available and unhealthy food out of the house (or at least out of sight!).

I believe that attitude is everything. If your attittude towards yourself is negative than nothing will push you into doing anything, from planning to cleaning out your pantry.
Once we change the attitude and become free from all that bondage we carry, then we can pursue our goals to lose weight.
That's what works for me. I don't plan anything, because things change from day to day and I don't have control over tomorrow. I take things one day at a time, and it's working for me.
Today has enough challanges of it's own.
So go with what you're comfortable with and start enjoying your new lifestyle of losing weight.

X

Susan--I read this today: motivation refers to the initiation, direction, intensity and persistence of behavior. I think the OP is referring to the persistence of behavior. Usually when people ask what their motivation is, it is more like what "keeps you going?" Does that sound right?

First of all, I didn't properly welcome you to 3FC. So let me just say hi and yes, WELCOME!!!! I'm glad that you're here and I hope (and know) that you will find it just as valuable as I do.

I too was scared to death that I wouldn't get to eat certain things again. But I was also scared OF death. Period. Eating food in "the way I like to eat" got me to be 287lbs. So something DID need to change for me. I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't eat what I wanted when I wanted and as much as I wanted and still be healthy. I just couldn't have it both ways. There is no way around that. Losing weight and then of course maintaining it does involve some kind of restriction.

I did elminate a lot of foods - initially. It was my way of getting a grip of the out of control behavior I had with food. I didn't know portion control. The more I ate of the pasta, bread, rice, cookies, cakes, ice cream, etc... , the more I craved it. It was a vicious cycle. And it had to stop. I couldn't go on the way I was anymore. Giving up certain foods had to be better then being as miserable as I was. Once I gave up those foods, within 2 weeks or so, amazingly so, I no longer craved them!! I gave up certain foods, but I then fell in love with all the healthy, nutritious, low cal stuff. That's the stuff I now crave. It's really about trade offs. I don't look at it as doing without a certain food, I look at it as gaining a healthier and happier me.

I never once felt deprived. Not for a single second. I felt wonderful that I was taking care of myself and fueling my body with the best stuff nature has to offer. And like I said, I genuinely love what I am eating now. The food I eat is delicious - no need to go off plan. That is key for me. I needed to find foods that were tasty so I would WANT to stick with my plan. And I've been amazed, simply amazed how my tastes have changed. I never would have believed it in a million years if anyone would have told me that I would now find my "old standbys" too rich or too sweet or too heavy. Amazing.

That's not to say that from time to time I don't have a few bites of cake or pasta, but it is infrequently and it is in small portions. I work it into my day and that's that. I have become a calorie snob though. I can't help but prefer an entire cup ofvitamin/fiber rich blueberries for 80 calories as opposed to one small teeny tiny cookie for the same amount. But there ARE times, especially when socializing that only a cookie will do - so I have the cookie. No big deal. Moderation.

You need to find what works best for YOU. What you are willing to give up - and what you aren't. What you can do longterm and what you can't. It is a process and you don't need to figure everything out this very second. Try a few things, see how it goes and tweak it as need be.

It sure sounds like you have the exercise portion worked out. That's a great start. More then a great start - 14 years?! That's fantastic. You sound like a very smart, determined lady - I really DO think you will figure it all out. Good luck to you.

I know what you mean -- I felt that way too.

This requires an attitude flip. You aren't giving UP foods, you are getting BACK the life you want.

As Katrina pointed out, there are lots of ways to work in some of your favorites from time to time, but yes, to be successful, overall you can't keep eating how you're eating. But look at everything you stand to gain!

Plus, I might add that I LOVE the food I eat now and have a hard time choosing among many yummy, healthy options. It seems there's little need for the unhealthy ones too! Some of those foods I used to eat regularly and consider staples (Kraft White Cheddar Mac and Cheese) I crave rarely now and seldom eat. I think I ate the Mac and Cheese last time back in January.

So, it really is a mindset issue (and this really is a mental journey).

heh. Robin and I picked the same quote and said many of the same things!! I didn't see your message before I posted!

Same experience for me as Robin and Wyllenn, I used to love to eat and I still love to eat. Some of my favorite foods are gone, I have some new favorite foods, some favorite foods changed, some favorite foods are less often and almost all of them are smaller sizes. I am perfectly happy and satisfied with what I eat everyday, I love to look at my healthy food in my shopping cart, I love the good things I do for my body. I love my size 6 jeans.