Hi, everyone:

I hope you don't think I'm being completely adolescent by writing about this (I'm 30, after all!) but I just had to share something that irrationally ruined my day. For about six months I have had this crush on this guy in a jazz band in my town and they were playing at this outdoor festival today. I've never even talked to the guy, just lusted after him from afar, you know?! So, I went to see them today and the guy has a girlfriend! Aaarrgh! I saw him kiss her! I know this is completely irrational because I don't know him, he doesn't know me but it still hurts, you know?

I keep thinking that if I had been thinner when I first saw him maybe I would have had the courage to introduce myself. I will move on but I keep thinking that my weight is holding me back so much and it's just got me down. It's always hard when a crush ends up being a disappointment and it seems all I have are crushes!

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Words of encouragement will be VERY much appreciated!

Ann

Oh, I know the feeling, but you know I think we have to learn to take chances. And you know what? EVERYONE feels inadequate and weird and is afraid to take that big risk to say hello. My friend at work, a very pretty skinny, well-dressed blonde, feels like that, for example. And many other people I know. So I think that all you can do is be the smart, interesting, friendly woman that you are, (me too!) and if someone doesn't like you back well, yeah it sucks but tell yourself, "What a maroon!"

Haha - I can relate. My friend and I went to see a band, the lead singer of which I have a school-girl crush on. What a let-down to see him kissing his girlfriend! And don't worry that you're doing this at 30... I'm 41....and (happily) MARRIED!!

Nope, I think that totally makes sense. Crushes are fun; they make you feel all giddy and give you something to fantasize about. When that bubble bursts, you sort of feel like, "Well, what now?" even if it was nothing serious.

I know what you mean about thinking you'd be more confident in talking to him if you were thinner, but like TJ wrote, there's always going to be something holding you back-- you may not like your weight now, or once you're thin you may not like your hair that day! But we (and I say we because I'm the same way too) can't wait for everything to be perfect to make these strides because that will never happen! You could still talk to him now and say you love his music: at best you might make a new friend, and at worst you'd know that you had the guts to step out of wallflower status!

Thank you for the replies! They made me feel so much better; it's so nice knowing I'm not the only one who has felt this way! Life continues on!!!

Ann

I know what you mean. A lot of my friends think i am very confident but i am really not. I feel comfortable in my position at work, I am a receptionist at a radio station and i meet a lot of people. but my job is to be friendly and sometimes talkative to our guest. but take me outside of my job and show me a group of people or a guy i want to talk to...and forget it. i am not going to approach some good looking guy. but to have a crush on a guy for a long time and then find out he has a girl friend is crushing. even if you've never spoken to him. it means you may have to let go of the fantasy and sometimes that may be all we have to keep our days interesting. trust me...i know how that feels. I feel your pain. i really do.

Never let your weight hold you back. I was really thinking I was hot stuff the other day when I got my hair blown back. Their was this really nice looking guy, actually a friend of my husbands, that approached me at a party and told me he used to have the biggest crush on me but since I had lost weight he did not find me attractive at all. Of course he was drunk and made a total a$$ of himself, but you never know.
Terrie

What??? Well, it just goes to show you that different men like different types of women. We shouldn't feel like we have to conform to runway model figures to think that we are attractive or worthy.

I`m on a fase were i like boys but i`m not interested. I`m the first priority and also get well. Think first in yourself and feel confident about it and then to the atack LOL. If he sees you as a secure persone he will like you more