First, let me say that I am lucky to have many people that love me in my life. And I am glad about it. BUT...some of those people try TOO HARD to help me. They know I want to lose weight, so they offer their advice on how to do it. For instance, my brother today pointed me to the mypyramid site. One that I discovered several years ago...it's a helpful site and I appreciate his effort. And I have a friend (thin) that went into a whole speech about how to lose weight: eat more whole foods, watch portions etc.

The thing is that most people that are overweight KNOW how to lose weight. At least that is the case in my situation. I've read articles, books, had subscriptions to health and fitness magazines, taken a health class, watched tv shows and specials, visited this message board (lurking mostly), I know much of the information there is on weight loss (not to sound like I think I know it all, I don't). I've successfully lost weight in the past only to get back into old habits and gain the weight back.

I know they mean well and are trying to help, but it is sort of insulting. I guess I shouldn't complain, at least I have people that want to help and support me. I also have my dad, who means well but goes about it the wrong way...sometimes he says helpful things like we should lose weight because we are going to get all sorts of health problems (and once again, something I know and have experienced already)...but then he says things like "when I went to get you guy's t-shirts, I had to go to the tent factory" and laughs. Ha ha ha ha.

I try not to get defensive with these people, but sometimes it slips out. I try to pretend that I've never heard this information but it gets hard. Does anyone else have this problem?

I think everybody has that problem. I chalk it up to most people truly NOT knowing "the right thing" to say, and some people are just idiots, while others don't realize they are NOT helping, etc.

Nobody's perfect. Even the skinny folk. And I, myself, have been known to say "the wrong thing at the wrong time" to a friend who is trying to lose weight (as I am) - it's just that she has more weight to lose than I do, and when she compares the two of us, she thinks me "skinny." I don't always know how to respond to that, so lately I've taken to saying: "Hey, losing weight is hard! Whether it's 30 pounds or 130 pounds.... it's just HARD."

Cause truly... I don't know what else to say!

This is so true! My parents are always giving me "advice". I told my mom that I am spending hours a day on a board of hundreds of women who know what works. I think I might have done a bit more research than her... she backed off then luckily it is mainly my parents so I can be upfront with them, rather than people I don't know well!

That's a good point that people don't know what to say, and I think that by telling them that you are on a "healthy lifestyle change", they might think that you are wanting them to help/asking for advice. I think what you tell your friend is good...it shows comradery.

That's good that you can deal with it. I guess I just don't have much practice with dealing with it...it only happens every once in a while.

Hey trooworld,

Yeah... I know... Mostly I do not tell people that I am trying to lose weight. That solves a lot of the problem right there. After awhile and after a bunch of pounds, they have started to notice and comment--but they don't offer tips because obviously I don't need any.

I once had my athletic sister try to help by recommending Sugar Busters. I love her and I know she meant only the best, but she's never had to lose more than 10 pounds in her life... so there was that. After two weeks she was done.

I also had someone well-meaning tell me that if I stopped eating bread I could lose a lot of weight. I said, "I don't eat bread," and that was the end of that topic. (I eat maybe a slice of bread in a week... other foods are my downfall!)

I just don't let weight be a topic of discussion. If someone notices and ask what I did to lose weight, I just say "diet and exercise."

Sigh.
Jay

I get what you mean too, but some people are trying to help but they don't know squat! like this friend of mine who's always been skinny (like size 2 skinny!) for her whole life, when im eating my carefully calculated 200cal sandwhich for lunch she glares at me because "i shouldn't be eating stuff like that on a diet" wtf does she know anyway! its just a slice of bloody cheese! (sorry starting to rant oops!)

mascara! (re starting to rant.)

Jay

Yeah, my family had an "intervention" with me -- AFTER I had already started losing weight. It was a sort of "we know you think you're being healthy, but you're just lying to yourself" sort of thing. Well, I'm still on the same plan, and I'm halfway to my goal weight, so a big *thbbbbt* to them!

I know it's just because they saw me being miserable and wanted to help, but it hurt that they didn't trust me to take care of myself.

People telling us how to diet are hilarious though. Your post made me chuckle, remembering a doctor visit i had a few years ago. I was fussing about my weight and my doctor actually said, "Well you know you need to eat less and excercise and you can loose that weight". I remember shaking my head at him and thinking, "uh yeah, YA THINK!?!?!?"

Our problem isnt KNOWING what to do, its DOING IT. But why do people not get this. Its not like people tell alcoholics, "you know if you would quit drinking, you wouldnt have a drinking problem"... lol lol lol lol lol.

(Get n healthy--in my experience you can't tell an alcoholic anything! )

Jay

I think some folks just want you to know that they know lots of stuff. They can spew back information at ya about almost anything. Some of it's even right

Been there, done that. Also have had people who are overweight tell me I need to lose. Ummm, first off you shouldn't be telling someone else what to do or give advice when you yourself have about 50 pounds to lose and not doing anything about it. My mom is good at telling me I need to lose weight. Like I don't already know this. The times that I have told her that I was she turned it into a competition.

Sometimes - well, most times.... Yeah, probably most times.

But there ARE some people that really don't get the whole diet thing at all. Some who will stuff themselves to the gills with pizza & junk food & drink a 6-pack of diet soda a day, & still WONDER why they can't lose the weight.

I wonder if those people are really THAT DUMB, or are they just in denial??? I for one, have never been that dumb. In denial, yes. Dumb, nope.

My favorite (completely wrong) piece of advice that I've gotten was from a co-worker. She told me that you can't eat bananas and lose weight. She actually told me that 3 bananas would fill all your calorie needs for one day. Of course, she told me this while I was eating a banana and AFTER I had already lost over 10lbs. When I mentioned that a small banana is around 100 calories, she told be it was the sugar and starch that would make you fat. She doesn't give me advice anymore.