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Old 03-21-2007, 01:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy I can't do this anymore.

I really can't live like this anymore.

I haven't been here in a while, but that's because March has been SUCH A STRESSFUL month. We're closing escrow on our very first home on the 31st and we had tons of paperwork to wade through, finances to arrange, a moronic loan officer and an idiot agent. Some people shouldn't be in business AT ALL.

In addition, I had to make up my grades in my Microbiology class and had presentations to make and reports to prepare. School has been killing me, too.

So between school, paperwork and the assorted stress, my weight loss plans have fallen by the wayside. I'm now 162 lbs and have been stuck there since the past two weeks. Exercise happens as regularly as I manage it, but the weight has just stagnated. Someone told me that stress causes the body to hang on to the fat, so if that's the case, I'm hanging on to mine for dear life. I hadn't looked at myself in a full size mirror in a while now and I did today - it was a shock. I was heartbroken, to say the least. I looked much older than my 33 years and my face looked haggard. My hair hung limply down my back and my body looked like a couple of trucks had run over it. It's SO HARD to look at myself. If I can find myself so freaking ugly, how must my husband be finding me?

To give him credit - he hasn't said a word AT ALL. Maybe he's thinking it though and this bothers me.

I can't live like this anymore. Is there any light at the end of this obese, ugly tunnel?
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Old 03-21-2007, 02:06 AM   #2
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You will close on your house, move in, things will settle down and you can get back on track. Cut yourself some slack -- you've have a rough few months, I know we bought a house, closed on it and my MIL died the first night we lived here -- I'm sure those weren't my "most attractive" weeks. But your husband loves "you", not your hair, your appearance, etc. and I'm sure he's as stressed as you are -- a house is a big responsibility. Take a deep breath, get youself back on track and let it take it's course. Good luck.
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Old 03-21-2007, 02:34 AM   #3
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Hi, and here's a hug for you...

First of all, try to remember, that we are usually our own worst critics. Our feelings are NOT reality. You can retrain your thoughts! I'm sure your husband knows you are going through a hard time, but give yourself some credit here! Goodness, you're accomplishing quite a bit. I'm also in school, working, volunteering and looking for my new job. I can't imagine adding in a new house and moving to the mix! Congrats for being in school.

Oh yeah...just smack those so-called professionals upside the head for me! You can tell'em I said so.
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Old 03-21-2007, 07:02 AM   #4
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Wow! High stress has often led to me throwing food plans right out the window, so I know what you mean! School AND a house closing??

Consider that staying as close to your food program as you can will actually reduce your stress. I know that sounds contrary, but when you're eating fattening foods and at the same time feeling bad about your weight, sometimes that makes things even worse. So if possible, think of your food and activity plan as the one relatively "stable" area right now. Even just going for a walk can help reduce your stress level.

Hang in there--this too shall pass!

Jay
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:20 AM   #5
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Oh yeah, been through it. We actually signed the contract on a house and were set to close and the owner BACKED OUT! He had to pay for the appraisal before we'd let him out of it...putz. So we had to start hunting all over again. The baby stayed sick and we're out house hunting. Yuck. Then we found another one, had the inspection, then needed an additional foundation inspection, the inspector left EVERY faucet on, so when the water was turned on...FLOODED! Grrrrrrrr The agent brought over a wet vac and we cleaned it all up. Then I had the remodeling to do and we pushed our vacation back a bit. Moved in Sat., left on vacation Sun. Came back and tried to find everything and get settled into a strange new house...that I was STILL remodeling. That was Dec....and I'm STILL remodeling. LOL

Anyway, it was crazy, and we had two "eating" holidays in there. I actually went up a bit. But the one thing I wasn't going to do was to let it bother me. Because I know how to take it off and I KNOW I can. I don't want to develop a defeatest attitude. I tell myself that I know I can. And I didn't gain back all I'd lost, not even close, so that's a plus for me. I had a really stressful time, stress is over, and now I'm back on track. You can do it too.
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:26 AM   #6
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There are few things more stressful in life than buying a house. Hang in there. It'll all be over with soon and you can settle in and say "ahhhhh."

Don't worry about what hubby thinks too much. He knows how stressful it is. Give him a big hug, tell him you're worried, and let him reassure you. It'll be a'ight.
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:39 AM   #7
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You poor thing, you are going through so much right now! When my life gets in the way, that's when I'm most diligent about staying on plan. When everything feels like it's falling down around you, eating right is the ONE thing you have complete control over. Use it to your advantage! With all the stress, knowing that you're eating the best you can can actually be the bright spot in your day. DH knows you're going through a lot, he is too. Hang in there, it'll all work itself out. Then you can look back and know that you did the best you could for YOU during the hard parts!
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Old 03-21-2007, 10:02 AM   #8
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Kelly, I agree with you. My husband has been in poor health for 2 years and had a leg amputated. March 19 he was hospitalized with total kidney failure and placed on dialysis. While I was waiting for the ambulance to come to take him to the hospital, I packed my ER bag - book, crossword puzzles, knitting, a pear and a string cheese and a handful of almonds. That's when I knew I really had made my food plan my lifestyle. So our life revolves around dialysis 3 times a week, 4 hours at a time for the rest of his life. The dialysis diet is extremely limited. The transition and all the learning that goes with kidney disease is difficult. Monday they told me the access port they put in him for dialysis is defective and will have to be replaced. And I have a job as a network administrator. I have stuck faithfully with my food plan because it is the only thing I can control at the moment. I also go to Curves because I need to stay strong and healthy to care for him.

When you eat because you are stressed, you get a double whammy because it adds a load of guilt.

With planning and determination, we can all succeed. Good luck to you!
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Old 03-21-2007, 05:44 PM   #9
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Whoa, go a little easy on yourself. You've had a lot of stress. You're only 162 pounds - I don't think that nearly qualifies you as "obese", unless you're about 4 1/2 feet tall!

Negative thoughts are only going to feed the cycle, so instead of focussing on the "fat" and the "ugly", pamper yourself, do some things that make you feel pretty. Stop the negative self-talk and treat yourself with kindness. You wouldn't berate your best friend if her weight snuck up to 162, so don't beat yourself up too much, either. You need support (you'll find it here!), turning into your own worst enemy will not help you get things on track.
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Old 03-22-2007, 12:35 AM   #10
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Dhvaya, It's understandable that you are feeling all lot of stress and frustration right now. However, know that those feelings are not going to last forever, they will fade and things will calm down. And once they do, it will be easier to continue forward with your goal.

Susan, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Long illnesses are so hard on everybody. My dad has been sick for about 2 years as well, and none of the doctors he's seen can tell us why.
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Old 03-22-2007, 06:37 AM   #11
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Dhvaya,

The longer you live, the more often you'll find yourself looking back and saying "I don't know HOW I made it through that....but I DID" - and you will. There's a lot of truth in the phrase "This, too, shall pass." We all have our share of tough times to get through in life, and while we're in the midst of them, we think it'll never end, but then, it does. This period of terrible stress will end for you, too.
In the meantime, find a half hour somewhere (you can...you can. You'll see.) to take a nice long soak in a sweet-smelling tub, or simply sit somewhere comfy and listen to some nice, soothing music, or, depending on how warm it is where you are, go outside in your new back yard and just sprawl out on the grass and watch the clouds float by.
THEN, get back to settling in, attending to school work, and everything else you've got on your plate right now. Remind yourself, when your frustration begins to build up, that "This is temporary..."
You have a lovely new home, and will finish school soon enough, and life will start to take on a more comfortable shape.
Best wishes,
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PS - you are FAR from obese.
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Old 03-22-2007, 09:53 AM   #12
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Oh dhvaya! - bless your heart! I'm sorry it's so tough for you right now. But whatever else is going on in your life - TRY YOUR BEST to work in that work-out! Exercise is GREAT for stress-busting....

PLUS! - you'll feel better knowing you are "sticking to it".

Sometimes life really DOES get in the way. As for your husband is "thinking" something so terrible, try to keep in mind that we'll NEVER know what anyone else is thinking, and that we are ALWAYS our toughest critic!

You're doing OK... really! - just don't give up! Take a break if you must! - but DON'T give up! Giving up never realized a dream, now did it?
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Old 03-22-2007, 09:55 AM   #13
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Can you tell me how to make a post? Thanks Turtledove
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Old 03-22-2007, 06:36 PM   #14
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Stress, it is hard to deal with.

I am a restaurant server, and I go to work in a every day and work with cooks who, when they are stressed, harass me endlessly, and then turn around and pretend to be nice for a while, only to harass me again the next time the heat is on. Confronting them would only start an employee war. And no matter how many times I have reported it to managers, or the owner himself, nothing changes, it only gets worse. These cooks know their jobs are secure because they are hard to replace. I don't want a new job becuase the money is really good, so I stay and take it. I go home stressed, almost every day. Sometimes hurt as well. They are hateful and mean, and jealous because we make more money than they do. Not my fault, but anyway...

I am not fortunate enough to have a husband to lean on, but I do have a sick mother, whom I have the responsibility of taking care of, and a 17 year old brother (who feels he doesn't have to listen to me, and doesn't have to stay in school or get a job) living in my house. In my eyes, he is fast becoming a loser. I want to kick him out, tough love, ya know, but mama won't have it. He's her baby, after all... I have no financial help with the bills. How I manage to save money is beyond me. Mom gets a disability check every month, but it's not enough to live on. She uses it mostly for groceries, since I make too much money to get food stamps or whatever.

Mom is in and out of the hospital ever few months or so, due to a multitude of ailments (diabetes, DKA, strokes, heart attacks). As for my little brother, he tends to decide he wants friends over to hang out and make noise when it's time for me to sleep for work, and he doesn't care... (He's gonna care when I cannot work, and I don't have money to support his sorry a**!) Stress... I live under stress, both at work and at home, every day of my life. Some people tell me I have it easy becuase I have no husband or kids to deal with. But why do I have no husband or kids? Becuase I'm too busy taking care of everybody else's BS, that's why!... I have no life becuase I'm too busy letting my family take advantage of me, and I cannot bring myself to tell them no.

Everyone says I should just take my stuff and move out, but first, I only have a few years left to pay on the house (it's an 8 year old mobile home, not a mansion, but anyway). After that, the house is mine. Second, these two will never be able to get by without my income, and I don't want to see my mama living on the street. But with mama, it's a package deal, her, and her son, too. So, needless to say, I'm stuck like Chuck!!

I know what you mean when you say "I cannot take it anymore!".. I feel the same way every day of my life. It's like "When is my life gonna start?" I'm tired of this....

Sorry so long. And sorry that this has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss or diet. But, I felt that it would apply here and let the OP know that she is not alone..... We all have issues.

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Old 03-22-2007, 09:20 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtledove View Post
Can you tell me how to make a post? Thanks Turtledove
On the message listings page (for each forum), right above the very first post (I think it says sticky in red letters) right above that there is a button that says "new thread". Push that button to start a new message thread

Hope this helps...
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