I asked my husband last night, "What if I never lose another pound, what would you think?". I know you're thinking he probably said something safe and thought there's no way I'm gonna stick my foot in my mouth, but trust me he's not the type. He's said some dumb things in his life and has not learned from his mistakes. It was really an automatic answer. And an honest one, again, he doesn't know any better. His answer -"Why, you're skinny enough, you're skinnier now then when I married you.". I've never told him what I weigh, never not 21 years ago, not now. Although I did tell him I've lost over 100 lbs. I weighed about 139 pound when we were married. Now - 181. So, ummm, yeah I weighed less when we were married - a lot. I know he's really been enjoying the new me. He doesn't stop raving about my bones and my waist and everything. He loves how I dress now. His new nickname for me is "slim". But come on, I'm skinnier now then when we first got married? I think he's just grateful that I am smaller now.
Next case of unawareness on his part. Last night we're hanging out in the living room and reading. I have on my reading glasses which I got for the first time about 6 months ago. He looks up and says, "Oh you got new glasses. They're really nice." My 17 year old daughter says, "Ummm, daddy those are the same glasses Mommy's always had." He goes on and on and says no way. My DD tells him he should quit talking before he gets into trouble. Well, of course they're the same glasses. I'm telling you he just looks at me differently now.
It reminded me of the thread we had last week, about men and what they think of us and our bodies.
Your hubby sounds like mine. Keep him. He is so afraid to say the wrong thing. Thus, hurt your feelings.
As for your glasses, He has been looking eslewhere
Not all men notice these things.
You enjoy the fact that he has other places HE WANTS to look at.
MY DH notices NOTHING! Dont get me wrong he is very supportive, but he doesn't notice things like that. (OKay he noticed that my boobs are smaller, but that is about it.)
Theresa, you missed my point - He wasn't trying to spare my feelings, I promise you, he really and truly thinks I'm thinner now then when we first got married. I know it for sure.
Yeah, Jenni my DH noticed that too. But he can't complain too much. I want shopping yesterday for bras, I'm still a DD. But the back size went way down. And I am definitely needing one with more ummm, lift.
Jay, you know why I asked the question? First of all it was my very first week without a loss in 28 weeks, I'm not complaining, my body fat % plummeted this week to 28% this morning. I just got to thinking, what if I CAN'T lose any more weight? But I asked him, because, well I didn't think he would say I'm thinner now then when we got married, but I did think he would tell me he that I'm fine the way I am and again not out of trying to spare my feelings. Because he's really happy with me now. You see ladies I've found the secret. Balloon up to 287 lbs and then lose about a bunch of weight and they are thrilled, just thrilled to have you weighing less then you did originally.
Seriously, though, guys just don't notice things the way we do. For example, my guy can walk into a complete disaster of a room and see nothing wrong with it. I can walk into a tidy room and find something else that needs cleaned.
Now, not ALL men are like that. I've known a couple of "neat freaks" in my time. But they're few and far between. Most guys don't really care about picture-perfect rooms, they just want to be comfortable. And I think they look at women the same way at times. WE are more picky about our bodies than they are. As with a room, as long as they're comfortable, they're happy. It doesn't have to be perfect.
I've gone to get my hair cut and my guy won't notice it until weeks later, if he notices it at all. And that doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's just the way guys are.
Robin, do you have one of those scales that measures bodyfat percentage? If you do, how do you like that scale overall. I use the old fashion drs type scale. You've done such an amazing job. Do you have progress pictures? That's always so inspiring. As far as hubbys go....mine never complained but I know he's wants me to get skinnier. But he doesn't seem to be interested in my journey. And he'll eat whatever he wants still and in front of me. Let's just say he's not going to make it easy for me. But he will bring home (from our deli) things for me like chicken breast and veges....etc. So down deep I know he cares....haha
There's really something to be said for men who don't notice all the little details that we obsess about. Who love us for who we are rather than how we look, and think we're hot just the way we are.
I have a friend who is 5'9" and 135. She's slender and fit and wears a bikini well - even after 3 kids, and yet her H actually said to her that she "needed to get to the gym" because her butt wasn't tight enough. He never let up on her. Needless to say, they're now divorced.
I'm so grateful for my H who squeezes my love handles and says "Don't get too skinny, okay?" LOVE that man.
My husband is the same way most of the time. He notices some things, but not others. He's afraid I'll lose too much of my chest, of course. But he said something similar -- he said "You're getting back to the size you were when we met." As if I'm practically there already. But when he said this, I weighed about 205-210, and when he met me I weighed about 145-150. Not quite the same... Honestly, he loves the changes I've made, but I think he's most excited about the fact that I'm now into running since he's passionate about that. As long as I keep as much of my chest as possible and I feel good and I'm healthy, he's a happy man.
My husband actually came up with this explanation, so I'm not male bashing. He said women think (and say) a lot more than men do. They live in the moment, and past and future don't normally really mean a lot to them. Unless it's important to the moment, it doesn't "stick."
We always end up arguing about things I've told him, that he forgets (like him making plans with friends for last weekend after I'd been telling him for three months about my parents coming up).
Unless you have wedding photos all over the place, he's probably not only forgotten what you've looked like, but what you were wearing (if it was a traditional gown, he might remember that it was white).
Ok, maybe that last bit was a little bashing, but my husband and I tease each other a lot. He about how much I think, and I about how little he does.
Funny reply Jeni! Of course that's what he noticed!! ha!
I think the answer is that they are unaware. It reminds me of that Mel Gibson movie where he can read women's minds. (What women want? I think that's the name.) Anyway, it was funny when he walked past the women who looked calm on the outside, but were processing a million thoughts in their minds. I'm generalizing, but most men seem to focus on the here and now.
I also think that men (generalizing again) tend to have a better attitude toward their bodies. Even if they are unattractive, fat, old, bald, etc, you can still find these men trying to pick up on beautiful women (or so I've been told!).
Anyway, they're funny. Good thing they aren't exactly like us!
Men aren't as hung up on a few pounds as we are. Most of them can pack on more than a few pounds, and they still think they're all that. So he probably really thinks you are as thin as when you married, and bless his little heart for that. OK, he's maybe a bit clued out, but I'd take a clued out sweetie pie who thinks I look as thin as when we married over a lout who complained about my weight any day.
There's really something to be said for men who don't notice all the little details that we obsess about. Who love us for who we are rather than how we look, and think we're hot just the way we are.
I totally agree. There are some things I'm GLAD he doesn't notice!
He told me I was beautiful even when I was fat. Go figure.
So Robin, I agree with the others; try and think of it as sort of a blessing in disguise. There are cons, yes, but there are pros as well
My DH tends to be a bit unaware, how about yours?
As far as hubbys go....mine never complained but I know he's wants me to get skinnier. But he doesn't seem to be interested in my journey. And he'll eat whatever he wants still and in front of me. Let's just say he's not going to make it easy for me. But he will bring home (from our deli) things for me like chicken breast and veges....etc. So down deep I know he cares....haha
