By getting to the root of why you overeat in the first place! "Why Weight," written by Geneen Roth, is a non-diet book that contains exercises designed to help compulsive eaters learn how to stop using food as a substitute for handling difficult emotions or situations. You'll also learn how to enjoy eating and still lose weight naturally. This program offers reassuring guidelines on:
-- kicking the scale-watching habit forever
-- learning to say no
-- discovering other pleasures besides food
-- learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger
-- listening to and trusting your body's hunger and fullness signals
Each week at least one exercise will be posted; participants will be encouraged to share their answers, thoughts, etc. pertaining to the particular exercise. Snippets from Geneen's other books may be posted from time to time as well. She's a great writer and I encourage you to look into her books (and burn all your other "diet" books in the bathtub.
1. My parents “had” to get married as they put it way back then. I remember being 14 (light bulb moment just now as this is when I started to get chubby) and was helping my Mom go through some papers. I found their marriage certificate, which I thought was exciting. My Mom grabbed it from me and told me to just leave it alone. She probably thought she was protecting me but I took it as she was ashamed of me. Kids can do a number on themselves. I guess we adults do to. WELL, the next time they went out I went straight for the box with the marriage certificate in it. That is when I saw the date of their marriage – only three months before my birth. From then on I always felt it was my fault when they had words or I knew things weren’t going well. I believe my Mom never wanted kids. She was born before her time and would have been happiest as a career woman. I probably felt unwanted in the womb.
2. While pregnant with me my Mom was in a car accident and almost lost me.
3. She breast fed me toxic milk and I almost died.
4. My birthstone in her ring fell out.
5. When I was 18 my Mother died – the ultimate abandonment.
My weight issue could be “feeling” loved. I know people love me, but I don’t feel it. Fat is protection – if I love, I will be abandon. This has carried through into every relationship I have ever had.
List the ways in which you survived being hurt or abandoned.
1 I became self-sufficient
2 I expect nothing from other people. I take responsibility for my own happiness.
3 I isolate myself
4 Okay, the ways in which I have survived don’t seem to be that positive!!!! I continue to protect myself but haven’t solved anything.
[COLOR=blue]How have you been hurt or abandoned?[/COLOR
1. My father was physically there but not emotionally. (Had a mild drinking problem and worked alot and just didn't know how to be involved in his kids lives.
2. Never felt truly loved.
3. Had an older brother that constantly belittled me. He has not kept in contact with our family.
4. My younger brother died when I was 19.
5. I had a miscarriage which was devastating to me. In a way I felt my baby was abandoning me too.
What did you do to survive that hurt or abandonment?
1. Drank and did drugs in my teens and early twenties. (Do not even touch the stuff now)
2. Substituted the above with food.
3. Tried to avoid conflict as I feared subconsciously this would lead to abandonment.
4. Keep a certain distance in relationships. If it's getting to close I back off.
How to move on? That is the million dollar question. I wish we all knew the answer. But I hope that is what we are doing with the Geneen method just peeling off our baggage one layer at a time. At least we all recognize what is holding us down. We are no longer in denial and that has to count for something.
I had a bit of trouble with the Halloween candy but have resolved to do better tomorrow.
Hope you have all survived the Halloween onslaught of candy.
Sprite
I think my issue is I know what has gotten me here but knowing it in my head doesn't seem to be enough. That knowledge doesn't seem to move me into action. I just feel stuck.
I am totally stuck myself. After my 2lb loss last week I proceeded to stop taking my protein shakes and start to pig out on Halloween candy. I sabotaged myself! It is so frustrating ! When will I get it!?!
I sent Hollygirl a private message but don't know if she's even looking on this site.
I had a few bad days this week, but I'm in recovery mode. This exercise seems difficult to me and I'm going to have to give it some thought.
How have you been hurt or abandoned?
What did you do to survive that hurt or abandonment?
My mom had 10 kids, 8 of us one year after another. I was the eldest of that batch and I felt like my mom was too busy and I should not demand attention.
To survive that I tried to deal with my needs by suppressing them. I turned to food for everything because it was always available and soothing.
My dad had a serious drinking problem. He repeatedly promised to stop drinking, but didn't. I felt like I couldn't hope any more, because it was too painful when things fell through.
I developed a coping mechanism that is like being in survival mode, just trying to deal with problems as they come up, but not really trying to live fully and achieve dreams (or even to have them). I remember at one point feeling like I could do anything, accomplish anything. But then that feeling just died. I feel like my hope for the future and my understanding that I control it is starting to return.
We were ridiculed at school, because we were poor and our father was an alcoholic. I felt like it was torture to go to school, so I shut myself off from people, developed a wall around me to protect me.
I spent a lot of time in my room, reading, rather than being with people and doing things. I still feel awkward with people sometimes (not most of the time, and not when I'm feeling good, but sometimes). When I'm not feeling good, I have those same feelings that I had in school, that I'm not acceptable, not good enough. I'm working to change that. Being overweight really makes me feel that way.
I feel like this is a voyage of total recovery, that all our problems are intertwined and that the best way we can deal with it is to tend to our psychological needs, ensure that we are safe and looked after, and know that we are loved, because it seems like that is where our problems come from.
Okay, that will do me for soul-searching for today.
Hope you're all well. Love to all!
I realized that I was still looking for love from people who have LONG since ceased to provide it in a satisfying way (namely parents) and that I could provide for MYSELF what I was looking for others to provide me: support, approval, unconditional love. I look for ways to mentally support myself and offer myself words of support and encouragement. It feels very foreign but it works!
Non-Diet Approach Week 10/30/2001
