Girl, i am *right there* with you. Listen. You CAN do this. okay? Deep breath.
I'll give you a little background on me. In December of '03 i agreed to budy-up with my MIL (mother-in-law) and lose weight with her. By April i'd lost over 50 pounds. But then i plateaued for a really long time. It was discouraging as MIL kept losing weight.
Finally, due to a few other symptoms (i was gagging all the time, and i'd never gagged before!) i took a pregnancy test in June, and learned that i was already 18 weeks pregnant! So losing weight did great things for me, it gave me regular cycles, and within that first regular cycle hubby and i got pregnant!
During my pregnancy i managed to maintain a steady weight, and even lost a total of 5 pounds by the end. I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy, and this was expected as all the female members of my family had gesstational diabetes with at least one, if not more of their children, and have all subsequently developed late onset diabetes. So here is where i tell you i do know what it's like to have the restricted diabetic diet and lifestyle.
once i gave birth to my son i lost about 27 pounds instantly. It was awesome lol. After i had my son i continued to eat well, drink my water, and i didn't even do lots of exercising, and i got down to nearly 100 pounds lost.
During all of this, my husband decided he would prefer to screw a teenager, and my life basically fell apart. I was a thousand miles away from any family, and had a newborn all alone. I was finally forced to move back to my hometown, and move myself and my son in with my parents (and 4 younger brothers) because the electricity, water, and gas had been shut off at my house due to my husband's squandering all our money on his tramp, and i had hospital bills and other bills to pay that i couldn't afford, even though i was working 2 jobs and cleaning on the weekends.
All of a sudden i had no control over what foods were around me. Sure every once in a while i could request something, but not all the time. When you are raising 4 teenage boys, convience is the word of the day. My parents both have full time jobs, in fact my Da is a police officer, so he's constantly out on call. Fast, simple, and starchy/sugary/greasy foods are the norm at my house. It's nearly impossible to eat healthy there! And with everything else going on in my life, i completely lost touch with my healthy side, and have currently ballooned back up to 245 pounds. It's depressing, and frustrating.
As for the exercise end of things, i also have leg problems, as my knees and ankles 'spontaneously collapse' (it's hereditary) for no reason, and with no warning. The cartiledge in my right knee is basically non existant, and i have sever arthritis in most of my joints. I totally understand how hard it is to get exercise in! Plus, having a 2 year old makes going to the gym whenever i want nearly impossible as well. Even going out for a walk (i live in Canada) is a huge production and makes me tired just thinking about it LOL.
BUT, i write this huge novel to you to say, i've learned some things.
Myself: I'm actually stronger than i ever thought possible. Okay, sure i stuck around for 8 months after my husband screwed up royally. That was stupid, but i DID get out. I DID leave. I took my son and did what was best for him. So, this new lifestyle is going to be tough. Much harder than i ever imagined. But? I know i can do it. If i could escape the abuse from my husband, whom i trusted and loved and promised to be with forever, then i can choose to drink a little extra water, and find a healthier alternative to deep fried chicken and french fries.
Food: Little things make a difference. i made shake-and-bake chicken for the family, instead of their usual deep fried nasty stuff, and they really really enjoyed it! Mostly seasoning with a little bit of breadcrumbs (very little!) and it was delicious! The only vegetables bought in the house were for hamburger fixings (heads of lettuce, large tomatoes, etc.) but i actually made a salad from the lettuce, tomatoes and drained frozen corn/peas and it went over great! It wasn't gourmet, but it was a start! Instead of just asking for the things i knew i would like to have for me, i started asking for larger amounts of one thing that i knew was healthy, and prepared it in a way that i knew my brothers would enjoy. Eventually, those things became staples in our house. Once in a while i would bake fresh bread, but it would be whole weat, or rye or etc. The freshness of the bread took away their fears of it not being pasty white, and they loved it too! Little by little i'm winning them over.
Also, once you've got healthier options around you to choose from, remember that eating food is actually a good thing! honest. It's how your body survives, without it, you wouldn't be here. So obviously it's a good thing! Eating lots isn't all bad either, just make sure you're eating lots of the right thing! Compulsive eating is something that takes a long time to get control of. So in the meantime, try not to freak out about the fact that you've eaten such a large amount of food, but focus more on the fact that those foods were all good for you, and eventually the amount will decrease with time and practice. Also, it's actually a good thing to eat many small meals a day. In fact it's important that you don't eat lots one day, and nothing the next day. All that's going to do is mess up your body even more, because it will constantly be afraid of the next 'starvation' mode, and store everything you eat, healthy or not, as fat. So don't freak out because you had a bad day and ate a lot, and think it makes up for it by not eating the next day. And remember that even without exercise or a change in diet, water is your friend! It'll do wonders for you.
Exercise: I suggest a barttering system. Do extra housework around your home (deep cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, sorting through a closet, laundry. whatever!) and in return, they buy some healthy foods and snacks for you, or agree to buy less junk food in general, so you don't have the temptations around you. This way you're helping out, and your Mom and her boyfriend appreciate it, you get some healthy snacks and a little control over the foods you are exposed to, AND you'll get in that excercise you've been wanting!
Also, i agree with the water aerobics suggestion. Great idea. Stationary bike is also a good one. Even using an eliptical machine where there is less impact on your joints might help. You know, walking over and around trees could actually get your heart rate up, no matter how slow you move, and be a really good source of excercise, and probably a lot more fun than just walking down the street even!
Finally, just take it one day at a time. Take it one meal, one hour, one minute at a time. You can do this, and there are great people on this site who are willing to hold you up, and help you through this.
I know this was crazy long, but i also know how hard it is to get motivated. You can do this! I know you can!
(And? I would KILL to weigh as little as you do!!!
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Don't Ever Give Up!!
lol
I wish i could stop. Maybe today i'll be better at not doing that! Happy New Year everyone!
