My freshman year, I was in a suite with 6 other girls, ALL of us were different shapes, sizes and heights. One girl was short and pear-shaped, chubbier, the other was 5' 11, kinda awkward and pear-shaped.. one was super tall, skinny, but not toned.. another was average.. well you get the idea.
I cannot tell you how many conversations we all had about our body images.
One of my friends, (the tall, skinny girl) told my boyfriend (we were all really good friends) that I had crazy curves and she'd rather be short and curvy than skinny and tall. I thought she was crazy, but actually I really do prefer to have curves and be shorter, I like that about my body. I will still have my curves when I lose, but there are things I would love about having her body type too. My suitemate, the really tall and pear-shaped one.. she lost tons of weight throughout the year, but she was never happy with herself.. I don't think she liked her shape.. she went to the gym everyday and barely ate when we went out..I had a girl tell me she'd rather be flat-chested and waif-like than curvy.. she found that ideal (two things that I am NOT) - I can't really tell her to appreciate this or that, that is her view. As long as things are kept in perspective and healthy, I don't see a problem in girls we would deem as "fine" to want to lose..
The point I'm saying is that I think with how unique every person is and how unique their relationship to their bodies are, we can't really judge how they feel because we don't really know what it is exactly that goes through their heads. We don't know the history of that person or the depth of their critical eye towards themselves. All you can do is tell them they look great, not with negativity, but honestly and hope that they can find out for themselves. We all dislike/hate things about ourselves but I think in the end, overall we have to find a way to accept things that cannot change, like I know I cannot change my height so I see the good in my height. It can be disquieting to see girls that we think look great think they look hideous because of its implications.. I don't think it has to do with anyone else personally, it's just their own vanity.
Last edited by Starrynight; 06-14-2009 at 05:16 PM.
My co worker, seems to think its ok to proclaim "I'm so glad I've never had a weight problem, I'd never be able to lose weight" She's this 63 year old jerk who doesnt realize that her comments like that are rude. Even the skinny girls I work with have though her comments like that are not nice at all.
Sometimes I think it just goes a little overboard though. I saw a video on Youtube once that I thought kind of pinpointed it for me. It was so... well... spot-on. Fat girls just don't talk about being fat the same way skinny girls do. And there IS the in-between gilrs that really do have some to lose, but then there's the skinnier girls who think gaining 5 pounds makes them very ugly. And that's more of a body image issue.
Anyway, this was the video. It's called Fat Girls Talking Like Skinny Girls Talking Like Fat Girls. Personally, I think it's spot-on and reveals how really different fat girls talk about being fat vs skinny girls talking about being fat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzRbYdTIORc
what is trying to be said though is that people who are thinner than you are not allowed to say that they are fat in front of you?
I use things like that to kick start me into losing some weight, i think well if they can do it so can i...i use their motivation (the fact that they have little to lose but still wanna do it) to guide myself into some pattern (knowing that i have more than them to lose)
its a little like saying that they cant say that they hate being skinny in front of you....if you have alot of friends work people etc etc that are smaller than you (which i do!) then your conversations will be very short and sweet if they have certain topics that they cant discuss around you...weight is something that we all have to deal with including those top models who cant eat...celebs chewing bits of meat and the spitting it back out....or joe blogs who has a daily battle with carbs and sweet things...the reality is that we (those who are a little bigger) do not have the monopoly on who is allowed to talk about being fat!
From personal experience, its just as hard on the old noggin' when you are 5lbs overweight as when you are 114lbs overweight. I have been at both ends and so it makes me more sympathetic than I have been at any other time in my life when I hear my "skinny" friends say that they are fat. I never used to understand how they could say that when there I was walking around the size of a house - but their comments were never about me - they are about them I now see.
Sometimes how you feel blurs the way you look. So I give my skinny friends the same sympathy as I would expect them to show me . . . I listen, I tell them that they can be any size they want and I encourage them to live healthier. I tell them that they are perfect just as they are and the only reason they need to lose any weight is if THEY want to (I feel the same way about "overweight" friends - to me they are beautiful no matter what).
There are ofcourse people who just say it bcos they are looking for attention or for someone to say "rubbish you look fine just as you are", but . . . they dont often hear that from me! heheeeee
yah, I have a friend who now wears a Large! (omg!) and talks about what a fat cow she is and how her belly is so gross and blah blah blah! i'm a size 2x and it always makes me feel worse about myself. But I realize she has a low-self esteem. i did/do too, if I could only go back to myself when I was 138 and thought I was the fattest person ever! I would shake myself, slap myself and tell myself "Girl! All you need to do is tone up! You aren't overweight!" But I couldn't see that with the poor self esteem I had. But yes, it does seem inconsiderate, rude and a little selfish of these girls to complain about their "fatness" around actual fat girls (like me)! But they are so self-obsessed with themselves that they aren't seeing it from our point of view.
For example, not about weight but along the same principle: it's alot like white people who are racist around me. I'm half white & half native american and went to a school district that was 99% white, so you imagine the naivety(is that a word?) when people aren't exposed to diversity. And when white racist people go off on other people who aren't white, I'm like "Duh! I'm not (all) white! WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME THINK YOU THINK ABOUT ME!?!" (same as when I hear "skinny" girls talking about how fat they are!) Then they generally say something ignorant and idiotic like, "Oh but native americans are okay! They were like here and they are all about the earth and nature...blah blah blah." (so many of these ignorant people I have come across tend to forget their European ancestors weren't actually from America. lol!)
Back on this subject: And yes the skinny girls then say something about like "But your so beautiful and you look great..." blah blah blah... It's just all about their own low self esteem. While it stings, try not to take it personal. Work on your own self esteem issues and let what they say just roll off your shoulders. I try to remember that, with this friend who trys to elicit my sympathy because she can no longer fit into a size Medium, that she just needs a friend who can be their for her and listen when she's feeling low about herself. Although to me I would love if I could fit into a size Large! We as females in a image driven society can relate. I also try to remind her that she while yes she may feel like a fat cow at the weight she is now, she should be glad that that is all she weighs and to make a change now before she gains more. I try and encourage her to eat right and exercise just like she does for me.
the reality is that we (those who are a little bigger) do not have the monopoly on who is allowed to talk about being fat!
I think you're right. But it does sound a bit tactless when "skinny people" say it. I tend to say to smaller people who think they are fat, "Yah you may be a little fat but you're not overweight! You're just a little flabby but you can change that!" And if someone is actually overweight I try to just remind them that everyday is a fresh start and a new chance to change that!
People these days just have a skewed and warped view of what being fat is. Thanks Hollywood & Fashion mags you've been great for our young girls...not! LOL!
I`m sure they are not aware of it but sometimes when I hear slim women talking about weight issues it pushes a button with me. Despite knowing that I should not take it personal, I sort of do. If a slim woman talks about not wanting ot be fat I wonder how awful she would think about being me, and it makes me want to lose weigh teven more.
I had a particular colleague who was not super skinny but not fat either. I will never forget her for saying two things: Once she said there is no way she will ever allow herself to weigh 60kg (130lb). The other thing was that her belly was exactly 1 metre when she was pregnant. I weighed way over 60kg, and my belly was way larger than 1 metre - even though I was not pregnant.
My belly is my achilles heel, and I cannot help feeling hurt when I hear other women talking about how disgusting it is to have a big belly, etc. Another, very small waisted colleague of mine once shouted through the whole staff room how she would "want to die" if she ever had a "gut". The exaggeration and superficiality (or is it superficialness???) of her made me want to shake her, although I realised that, of course, I was only feeling that way because she was talking about something which is an issue for me. (If she said she would want to die if she had small breasts I would not even have noticed.)
Stella
you know i feel the same way. i have some colleagues who constantly talk about their weight and how they need to lose 10lbs(and im like try having to have to lose 80lbs) and how fat they are. i have associate that is complaining (mind you she is at the most a size 6). and im just looking at her thinking to myself "are you crazy? i would die to be your size"
gets on my nerves when skinny women talk about their weight.
what is trying to be said though is that people who are thinner than you are not allowed to say that they are fat in front of you?
Not at all. I realise that, for a 100-lb-person, 5lb are more of a problem than for a 150-lb-person. And if you clothes no longer fit it does not matter whether you are still at a healthy BMI.
What I hate is the kind of vocabulary they use when talking about being fat, as if it was the most disgusting thing on earth. When I hear a skinny girl talking that way I cannot help but wishing her a weight problem, only for a week, just to find out what it`s like! (My sister hs always been effortlessly slim and has now gained weight due to medication. She has said that she never ever appreciated how being large affects women and never understood that a woman could hate her body.)
granted people have certain ways (not always nice ways) of saying things, i can see that, people who look at me do not and will not accept (unless i show them) that im covered in stretch marks from my back down and that cellulite has invaded my behind and upper thighs...they point blank refuse to listen when i say i cant wear skirts any more because of how i feel about certain bits. im bigger than ive ever been because i over indulged did not listen to my body and assumed that i would stay a size 10 for the rest of my life. I will get back to my dream weight im determined, with effort and fitness. perhaps skinny people dont want to listen to all of us going on about our thighs, our arms etc...perhaps they are having their own back by basically telling us (in a round about way) that they have their own thing going on too?
i dunno...its like a lot of subject areas...you will not please everyone, nor is there a set game plan to what can and cannot be said...take infertility for instance....'hey when are you two gonna get on with the baby making thing we cant wait for ever for you both, we want a grandchild....' 'well actually we have been trying unsuccessfully for over 2 years and im infertile' .....tada.....!
someone should right a script of things to say....
