Good Morning Ladies
Well here it is Friday already. Seems just like it was Monday. It is raining here. But sure do need it. So not going to complain about that. Not too much happening here. Son only has a half day of school today. So will be home early. After he gets home. I am going to go out church and do some cleaning. Getting ready for Homecoming. That is this Sunday.
Not much happening here. Just trying to get this eating under control. But just cant seem to. I want to lose this weight. And I keep thinking ok this is the day to start on the brand new me. And then I eat something that I shouldn't or overeat on something. Then I think. Ok I blew it today. So I will start over tomorrow. But it just dont seem to come. I dont know if I am eating out of boredom, stress or what. I think it may be a combination of all. But hopefully I can figure it out soon. I have been in TOPS 3 years now. And I should have been to goal. But am not. And I would love to be there. But then again. I am afraid that once I get there. Will I be able to keep the weight off. I know from our KOPS. how they have trouble staying at goal. We had a lady lose here status after 9 years. Took her 9 months to get it back. So that kind of scare me.
Sorry ladies about the ramblin. Didnt mean to write a book. I hope everyone is doing ok. Am missing all of you. I know how busy everyone is. So I hope everyone has a great weekend.
A TOPS PAL
Coco- I am with ya girl, I have been in Tops for 2 years myself and I know better than to eat wrong choices too, Just hang in there cause we know so much more than we used to and that will help us get to goal, We can do it And having the Lord on our side and good friends is how I just know we cant fail
Thanks Christie. I guess I could look at it this way. I would weigh alot more if I hadnt joined TOPS and the boards here. I think the boards here help me sometimes more than my TOPS group. But the leader we have now is much better then the one we had before. So that has helped some. Have a great weekend.
A TOPS PAL
I think you just need to say to yourself that you can do this and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Relax, take a deep breathe and then without saying your going to start over just DO it girl. You have done it before and you can do it again. Just because you mess up during the day doesn't mean you have to throw in the towel. It means you are human. If you just make a better choice the next time you will be fine. Don't think of it as falling off the wagon but that you had a slip and move on. Then you will be a lot farther ahead. You will start to get your self esteem back to as each day moves on.
I think that is a great plan for you to bring the smaller plate. You can do this. Great thinking.
I haven't had the pain I have been having in a week and half. But it is getting ready for that time of month again so it will be back. I have an appt with a new OB dr on monday. This one actually delivered megan. He is in the same practice as the other one I have but he was on call that day. So I am hoping I get somewhere with him. I have another very painful yeast infection. That is another symptom of the endometrosis. So hopefully I can get him to do the test they have to in order to find out. Then they can start treating it. I am afraid if they let it go too long I won't be able to have another baby. It does happen if you really have the disease. But then again I don't know 100% if I have it or not. But all the signs point to it.
Thanks for thinking of me.
Eleni,
You hang in there lady. You will pull yourself out of the rut also. I know right where you are. Glad you liked the picture. I lightened it up when I made the copy it was darker. Of course you took a great picture. Glad you liked it.
Ok as for me I have been very busy with tests and doctors and thinking. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and this weightloss journey and I am finding it is not working for me. I have made some decisions. I would like to explain them to you all to see if you guys can understand. I know in my heart it is the right thing.
I am going to be quitting tops. Not this board because I will still need the support but just the group.
I thought back to when I was really losing 2 1/2 years ago and why I was doing so well and not suffering and sabatoging myself like I have been doing in the past 1 1/2 years. I am now just about back up to the weight I started at orginally when I first went on the WW plan 3 years ago. I am now at 190 lbs. I will be going to the fall rally tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. It was very motivating for me. I need that again. But this time when I lose the weight I am going to be doing it on my terms.
I can't handle the stress that comes with being in tops. By that I mean the people there are very negative about the weightloss. Theirs and mine. They are not trying. NO I can't change them but I can change me. I have to get out of the negative atmosphere. I love the leader and the people they are great but I can't make my goal continuing on this path. I have to find a postive path. I have been living my life with weightloss on my mind 24/7/365 days a year. That is not good. I am obsessed with it. So much so that I can't even lose the weight. When I go out some where I am afraid to be myself all I think about is the food and weigh in. My life revolves around the scale and losing weight for me. I am going to change that.
I am taking back my life. I am going to start living again and living life. I am not going to be thinking of the weight anymore. I used to love myself when I first started this journey. Well I had to learn to love me for who I am. All the self esteem I gained when I lost that 30 lbs was great. But it is gone. I don't know who I am anymore. I am breaking out of this path and stepping into a more healthy one. If it is the day before weigh in I say to myself I can't go to dinner or lunch because I will gain weight before I weigh in. I am starving myself the last few days to try and do whatever it takes to make the scale move. I am tired of living this way.
Tops is a great organization I do believe that. But for me the stress of having to eat a certain food every week or not to eat a certain food every week or you pay a fine or just the scale alone is ruling my life. Thin people DON'T think about food 24/7. So I am doing this for me because I believe that by just living a normal life and not thinking about the weight that I do much better. In the past few days since I have made this decision I am not hungry and I can eat the portion sizes I am supposed to and I am satisfied.
I am not giving up on me. I am going to find myself again. Will I lose the weight YES I will. When I find me again I will automatically be less stressed and I will eat the way I should. I will count my points and I will exercise because it is fun not because I have to. I will still get weighed and measured and keep track of the body fat through curves. So I will be able to see how I am doing.
It is not an easy thing for me to have to tell the leader but I plan on attending this week because there is a guest coming that I set up. Then that will be my last meeting. They will have to get another co leader in my place.
It is very embarrassing to me to have to tell people that I have been in tops for 2 years and I am a lot heavier then when I started. I was losing weight before I started.
For me it is the stress of the whole thing not just the meetings alone. And when we are stressed and depressed like I have been what do we do? We eat. I have to break this cycle and I am going to try this approach and see what happens. I have to lose this weight. I am tired all the time and depressed because I have let myself get back to this weight. My clothes are very tight but I refuse to buy a bigger size. I will start to lose weight.
I have a goal of being down to a size 16 by christmas. I was going to say thanksgiving but I don't want to put that much pressure on me. If I can get back to a 16 then that would be good. I haven't seen that size in a year now. So at least I will be making progress.
You all can give me your imput. Let me know if you feel the same way about your lives. We are all in this together and I know we feel a lot of the same things from time to time.
I will not give up on me and I will need your support to help me through. You guys are like family to me and have been there for me. I have just had a lot on my plate in the past months. I am trying to straighten it all out. Then I will feel better overall. I am looking forward to getting my energy back and loving me for me again and getting my self esteem back again. I liked myself that way. I don't like myself the way I am so that is why I NEED DESPERATELY to make some major changes in my life.
Thanks for listening. I wanted to let you all know what is going on.
Friday
And having the Lord on our side and good friends is how I just know we cant fail 
